Family Matters
chickabonita55
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Ohhhhh Christmassss
It cracks me up that people expect to exchange gifts with people they don't like or get along with. I don't get along with my SIL and my MIL told me she got me something for Christmas this year. Now why on earth would SIL (Who just verbally harassed me this past March and threatened me with the police even though she called me screaming) buy me a present when clearly neither of us like eachother, I say it was just for show for my In-Laws but w/e. Anyways, I told MIL to not get upset with me but I did't want anything to do with the present and to please not bring it to my house and MIL says "can you just graciously accept it and regift it if you don't want it" I told her if she wanted to accept it and open it for herself go for it but I want nothing to do with it. Needless to say my request was denied it ended up under my tree and as peeved and annoyed I was that my request wasn't respected I bit my tongue. Anyways why do people even bother to be soooo fake? Why don't we just all save a little bit of money and not buy things for people we don't get along with 
Re: Ohhhhh Christmassss
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You should have took it from your MIL and if you didn't want it gave it back to SIL. Your SIL is already putting your MIL in the middle of this but you don't have to.
You don't get to put your MIL in the middle. If you don't want to accept a gift from your SIL, do your own work and tell her yourself.
Ditto. Leave your MIL out of this, stop talking to her about SIL.
leave MIL alone-dont drag her into your drama iwth SIL from 10 months ago.
if you dont want the gift send it back to SIL-simple as that.
Too funny you mention this! Was just talking about this w/ a coworker yesterday. I have an inlaw like that also. She sends passive aggressive gifts to my child. It's a reflection of her and how nuts she is. Don't take it personal. I used to get pissed too, but now I just laugh and have realized just how bsc she really is. I don't get it either, I would never do that to someone no matter how much I disliked them. I agree with the others though, don't lower yourself to her level. Let it go and don't drag MIL into it. My MIL also delivers the gift, and I think she was even embarressed by this last one. I just laugh and regifted it to my nephew. Hey more gifts for him! Winning! lol
I didn't drag MIL into it, she was already a middle man and I just requested for her not to bring it to me. MIL told DH that they were going over to his brothers and his wife's Christmas morning and then coming to our house Christmas evening ( if that alone doesn't tell you how much SIL and I don't get alond idk what does) anyways, DH told MIL that he had a present for his brother and MIL said "What about D?" DH- "We didn't get her anything because we clearly don't get along with her" MIL- "Well she got you guys gifts so just return the favor" . Being told to get people gifts is silly ,as is getting gifts for people you don't like. Aren't the point of gifts to be thoughtful not forced into pity giving? BTW it was a gift basket with sandwiched bagged desserty foods and 2 gift cards (Home Depot and The Cheesecake Factory)
no. you totally put her in the middle buy telling her you didn't want the gift and putting all of the drama on her. the gift was for YOU, not her, and it's up to YOU to send it back, not her. THATS how you put her in the middle. what on earth do you want her to do? give the gift back to SIL and tell her you didnt' want it? NO! by you expecting her to do that you're putting her in the middle.
if ithappens again accpet the gift and send it back and don't bother mil with all of your drama.
By saying "I don't want the gift - take it back" - YOU put MIL in the middle.
I'll throw you a small bone - MIL actually also kind of inserted herself in the middle too by telling you all to buy SIL a gift.
BUT that doesn't change your role. I agree w/ you about not reciprocating, but you absolutely should NOT have put it on MIL to return the gift. The gift is for YOU, so YOU need to do something with it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
yes i know what you did. you dont ask someone whos merely bringing a gift from someone else not to bring it-that's pulling them into the drama (as clearly you see the result-your whole post is about it). just let her bring it, thank her, and send it back. of course she's going to rbing it with her. if she didn't she'd have to give it back to sil and then exlpain why and that's for you to do-not her.
you and dh got put on the spot but that doesnt mean that you have to do anything. she's not the boss of you 2 and you can decide what you want to do as a couple.
accept not except
A - did MIL say "I saw that SIL had a gift for you so I told her I'd bring it over"?
OR
B - did MIL say "SIL has a gift for you and asked me to bring it over"?
OR
C - did MIL say "I have a gift for you from SIL" - where you don't really know how it played out that MIL has the gift?
If it's A, I'll throw you another bone. Yes, I can see where it's more of MIL inserting herself into the situation and I better understand your annoyance.
If it's B or C, I still stand behind the belief that you played a hand in putting MIL in the middle.
Is MIL wrong to tell you that you have to reciprocate? Yes. Clearly. I dont' disagree w/ you on that at all. But that doesn't mean it's o.k. to put her in the middle of "give chicka this gift/ no I dont' want it, take it back".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
In all honesty I haven't a clue if MIL offered to bring it over or was asked to. All I was saying is I was annoyed for the fact that SIL seems fake for the gesture and MIL saying we have to except and return the favor. It probably seems petty to alot of people who read this but let's put it this way, If SIL and I were put in the same room you would probably see one of us on America's Most Wanted or Snapped after.
My only hang up is that if SIL asked her mom to bring the gift to you, your reaction put MIL in the middle. MIL is definitely playing her own role in all of this, and she's not obsolved of THAT behavior. But she wasn't in the "wrong" for simply delivering a gift if that's what she was actually asked to do.
We've recently dealt w/ our own fake gift gesture from my "SIL" (BIL's LONG term girlfriend who hasn't spoken to us in over 4 years!!).
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
SIL asked her MIL to bring it to me - her and I both married into the family. All I have to say for us is BLAH to fake gift gestures and our SIL's! haha