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Mom has fear of traveling abroad.....thoughts?
This Christmas, my parents generously gave my brother and I a cash gift from the sale of my grandparents' land (my grandmother passed a year ago). I am honored and humbled by this generous gift and want to ensure I use the money in a way my grandparents would be proud of. So, shortly after Christmas, I decided that I wanted to take my mother on a two week trip to Italy. I've been to Italy multiple times and each time I've been, I've come home to tell my mom how amazing it was and how much she would love it there.
We've always talked about going to Italy and she's been on board, but now that it's come to having the money and time to actually do it, she said no. She told me she is afraid of traveling abroad, absolutely does not want to go overseas, and just can't do it. She used the words "scared" and talked about "all of the violence overseas."
I certainly don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do - but I really think she would love Italy (who wouldn't, right?) Has anyone else ever dealt with a parent who was afraid of traveling abroad? Should I just let it go and book a trip to NYC or San Fran like she wants?
Re: Mom has fear of traveling abroad.....thoughts?
I just took my mother to Italy last spring. Everyone was lovely to us and there wasn't a single issue. Many people (especially in touristy areas) spoke English and we had no difficulty getting around.
When we took my partner's mother on her first European trip, we started off with England. Everyone speaks English and it is different enough to be exotic, but familiar enough to prevent panic. If you want, you can throw in Ireland or Scotland or Wales.
For her second trip, we went to Paris. There we were able to witness two protests (one against additional motorcycle taxation and one taxi strike) but they just added to the colorfulness of the trip and we were never in a second of fear.
I sympathize as my mother is always warning me about "stuff that happens to tourists". I have traveled all over the world and while practicing a reasonable amount of caution, I have never experienced an incident.
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We lived abroad for three years and my mother never once came to visit us. We have a three year old - we moved there when he was 6 months old. I thought that would be motivation enough to come but she still wouldn't. She said it was "too far outside her box" and I left it at that. Her life her choice!
I'm sorry your mom is scared. Italy is amazing and I can't imagine not liking it but some people just don't want to go that far out of their comfort zone.
I would still go and use the money though
Screw NYC go to Italy for two weeks!
I'd just drop it.
I have tried planning a vacation for my parents. My parents won't go anywhere that is not "culturally and color" comfortable for them. They also don't want to take a plane trip more than 4-5 hours, want to go somewhere where they speak English, want to go somewhere warm and don't want to go to an island where they will be "just floating around in the ocean." I think that their criteria are absolutely ridiculous. But, travel is supposed to be about enjoying yourself. If your mother won't enjoy herself because she's scared of traveling abroad then she's not getting what she deserves out of the trip.
Maybe, you could compromise with her. Perhaps she'd be okay with Canada and you could do Montreal and get a European feel. Obviously it's not Italy (or even France), but it's a great city with great culture and sights, and it may be less scary for her.
My mom is similar though she will take very rare trips outside the US. Last year she and my dad went to Cabo and she spent 6 months preparing and freaking out about it (and calling me freaking out about it). Her last trip out of the US was in 1999.
I regularly travel to foreign countries I've never visited with 48 hours notice. And I have Iraq and Yemen on my tentative 2012 travel itinerary. So we don't really see eye to eye on this.
Honestly, I wouldn't take a vacation with her because we wouldn't enjoy it. Our preferences and anxiety levels are way too disparate.
When I lived overseas she refused to visit. We're likely moving overseas again soon and I know the only way she will ever come is if we have a grandkid to hold over her head. Her loss IMO.
And I thought my MIL was bad for insisting on brushing her teeth with bottled water... in London.
It seems like there are a lot of people from the previous generation who think nothing has changed in Europe since the end of World War II. It's pretty sad. I'd try to get her to London or elsewhere in The UK. It's the easiest and least intimidating European destination, but there's still plenty of great things to do and see, and it may help her see that it's the 21st century on the other side of the pond too. Some people need to work their way up, and that's okay.
cruising is not something for me (seasickness and not wanting another itinerary besides my own) but perhaps that might be a good idea to take your mom to italy but stay within her comfort zone? or, what about canada?
i lived abroad three times and my mom never visited me. i took her to england and france in 2002. she complained about various things, lack of cold soda/ice, people smoking, etc... but for the most part, it was a great mother-daughter trip.
i would talk to her a little more and keep NYC and SF in your back pocket because it does seem like you may have to let it go. her loss though!
yes, her fear is irrational, but ultimately I don't think it's something to push.
maybe start small - go somewhere awesome in canada first. that might be easier. then she can hopefully build up to going somewhere on a different continent.
Agreed! Your intentions are great but I would just take a trip to somewhere she would be comfortable. The most important part of a trip like this is the time you spend together.
That being said, I can relate to the situation. My mom and I always talked about going to Ireland. DH and I said we would take my mom for her 60th birthday. When the time came, she just didn't want to leave the country. Her whole thing is not wanting to spend money in other countries when she thinks the people here need it. We just didn't push the trip because it was obvious it wasn't what she wanted.
I've wanted to take my mom to Italy forever. I live in Scotland so it's not even that far away! So far though, she's preferred to stay in English-speaking countries. We had a fantastic trip to Ireland. If she'd consider the UK, there are tons of beautiful places to visit. Italy is my absolute favourite country so I'd love to say you should push her, but if she really is nervous about it all she's going to notice is the problems instead of appreciating it fully.
Have you considered a tour group? Maybe she's be more comfortable going around in a group where everything is taken care of for her? Or a cruise?
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what violence is she referring to?
PP have given wonderful suggestions.
My MIL becomes very anxious/flustered dealing with all things foreign. We went with them on a tour of Germany (her church group so she knew every tour member and the guides). She was still very stressed just waiting for something to be a problem. I think your mom will probably be the same way. Especially for a two week trip.
Try sitting down and honestly talking to her about her fears. Is she referring to specific violence? Unlikely but on the off chance she's confusing two contries or regions, you might be able to clear things up and put her mind at ease.
If that's just a NO-GO and you really want to do overseas, then maybe a cruise of Italy and Greek Islands or Turkey, etc. so you could see someplace new also? I doubt she'll wander around ports with you and may not even be up for organized activities but you could be together on the ship and only apart during the day.
And if you really want to make mom happy, unless she leaps for joy at the cruise idea, then yeah, your best bet is staying stateside (or maybe Canada or UK where language isn't an issue? but that's probably a stretch for her, too). Plus, for what you'd spend on 2 weeks in Italy, you could go all out in San Fran/Napa or NYC, etc.
Thanks to you all for your feedback. My inclination was just to let it go, and I think you've all put me on the right track in that direction. I don't want to push her to go because then neither of us will have fun.
Truthfully, I'm not sure what she means by violence - maybe she's thinking about Greece and the riots, maybe she's thinking about Amanda Knox. Who knows! ;-) But it's clearly something she's gotten in her head and I don't want her spending 11 months in anxiety.
Thanks again, all!
LOL is she f rom the chicago area too with it's high murder rate? just kidding.
the reason i ask is if your mom is afraid of 'violence' but her fears are based on rumor or misinformation or god knows what a bit of discussion might sway her. gentle discussion. i would ask her what her fears are and discuss them, not in a defensive sort of way, but a gentle 'what is it that you're worried about' and fidn the root of her fears. i'm not saying her fears are irrational-many people have fears of things happening when they're far from home, but if those fears are based on nothing then there may be wiggle room. do you know any of her friends who have been to italy that she can talk with?
while i do think that that a trip here (nyc) is always great, I wouldn't give up so easily on the italy idea.
Maybe you guys could pick a destination with European influences that is a little bit closer to home- like Montreal, New Orleans, San Juan, etc.
http://bistrochic.net/lifestyle/top-10-american-cities-with-european-flair/
An American Girl's Travels