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Have you ever dated someone outside your "type"?
I have a history of dating addicts. My first long-term boyfriend out of highschool was a major drug addict. Mostly Rx pills or whatever he could get his hands on, morphine patches, coke, crack, meth all kinds of fun stuff. Next LTR after that was XH. He treated me like crap, and even though he didn't even drink when we first met/were dating, he started drinking a LOT, especially after we got married. He clearly had a problem. Guy I dated after XH, was a recreational drug user but I broke up with him early on cuz I was sort of getting some sense and I knew I wasn't really ok with it. My latest BF was an alcoholic. SO I obviously have a pattern here in kinds of guys I date I guess lol.
I'm trying to get away from this, OBVIOUSLY, haha. Has anyone had a history like this and then gone on to date someone "normal" (for lack of a better term)? Was it weird? Hard to find someone you are attracted to? I've only been on one date since I broke up with the alcoholic. I met this guy on OKCupid and he seems like a real catch. A mature, responsible guy, has a great job and seems to have a good head on his shoulders. We seem to be really compatible and like a lot of the same stuff. We went on our first date though, and I really didn't feel anything. I mean, it was a short date and it was the first time we'd ever met so I guess wanting an immediate spark that second might be asking a lot?
I heard from one of the girls on my month board that when she met her husband he was outside her normal "type" and she didn't have immediate sparks either, but after a few dates she started to really like them, and now they are married and (as far as I know) happy. So maybe I need to give it some time?
Anyone have similar experiences?
Re: Have you ever dated someone outside your "type"?
Sounds like to me you are an addict as well. As in addicted to weak minded men. LOL...just kidding.
Wishing you best of luck and hope you find a great addict free guy.
Have you ever been to therapy? It could help you to understand what attracts you to these men, and what attracts them to you. It will also help you to recognize red flags and warning signs early on for men with these types of personalities.
ETA: I didn't see any of the responses before I posted this. Good for you, OP.
I think dating outside of "type" and continually attraction to people with addiction issues are two totally different things. To me dating outside of "type" means being more open to someone with different physical characteristics, interest or profession than you normally do. For instance my type tends to be high professional success, high earner with a very active social life. Straying from my type might mean I date a teacher with a passion for the outdoors.
I think you need to work through why you are attracted to the addicted type in therapy. It's a manifestation of a deeper underlying issue. You need to get that resolved first.
I heartily agree with pdx.
Beyond that, I don't really have a type. All my exes have been from such varied backgrounds and personality types.
I agree with this. It sounds like you don't even really know yet what your "type" is. Glad you're taking steps to figure out why you keep falling for addicts though, that's important.
I must not be articulating this well because this really isn't what I meant. I don't think that a "type" and an "addict" are the same thing at all.
This new guy that I went on a date with is a very clean cut straight laced guy, and that is outside the type that I normally date. I tend to date more immature guys who like to go out drinking, ride motorcycles, adrenaline junkies stuff like that. Kind of like going from the "bad boy" to a "good guy". Or like going from a teenager to an actual adult lol.
I used to be a fixer too and I'm working on it. Volunteering with people who really need me has helped me fix people without hurting myself in the process. Realizing that there are good guys out there and just trying out different types of people has broken me of my "type" so far. I recommend giving people a shot, even if just for one date, to see what other types are out there.
Or maybe you're not ready to date...
I have dated men that were not my type in the past and they were nothing but trouble. I was messed up in the head and emotionally and subconsiously unaware thought I didn't deserve more.
For an example, I dated a muslim guy from Tunisia and I am a Christain faith country girl. I dated guys that were handsome and complete extroverts that lived on attentions when I am a quiet girl. I was too shy and the extrovert was able to have their way with me. I was not strong enough to say no back then. I am so glad I am not the same girl as I was.
This was my thought. You have to figure out why you think you don't deserve better than some jerk who smells like the town watering hole.
I read "CoDependent No More" before my split and I highly recommend it. You can take a quiz which helps you identify traits that are making you attracted to the wrong kind of man.