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Does this ever change?
So there I was thinking about relationships again - Specifically mine, post-split.
Before I got married, I was full of giggly glee about every boyfriend. Now, though, I am so skeptical and critical of every man that throws his hat in the ring that most of them dont make it past 2 dates before I lose interest. I want to have a partner, it's not that I don't want to be with someone, I just can't stand anyone.
Is this some temporary jaded thing because of all the complete nonsense my XH put me through while I was so in love with him?
A fact of life ( I am, after all, a whole 22 years old, not the 18 year old idiot I was when I met him ) that we're more realistic as we age?
Did anyone else go though this period of just not being excited about meeting someone? Did it pass?
Re: Does this ever change?
I think after a divorce happens it makes you step back and evaluate what you want in a partner. I know that was my case. I met my husband when I was 21 and he was nice at the time and I didn't hate him and we had fun so why not get married. Eight years and an affair later he wasn't so nice and I did hate him. The guy I'm with now is the complete opposite of my ex and has the all the qualities I ever wanted in a guy, I was just too afraid to wait for them. Now I'm old and wise!
You are 22. You have plenty of time to have fun and date. It will take time but you will find it easier to let someone in to your heart. Good luck!
Yup. FWIW, I was definitely NOT excited about the prospect of dating again...it seemed daunting and overwhelming to have to start all over again. But once I did, I'd get giddy over prospective dates. I still believe in love and all that.
Ok, I am going to just say this even if it sounds bitchy. Of course you were "full of giggly glee" with every "man" boyfriend you had before your ex-h. You were a teenager for crying out loud! That's what teenagers do!
And honestly, I don't think many people are realistic about relationships even at the more mature age of 22. You still don't really know what you want or what a lifelong partner really is.
If you aren't excited to meet people right now, don't. Go out and have fun with your friends. If you aren't excited about the guys you are currently meeting, they aren't right for you and you aren't ready for them. Period.
Agreed. I had no interest in any man for a while after XFI. I went on a few dates thinking maybe I'd feel something, and didn't. So, I waited for someone I felt something for. Best decision ever. Give it time. Don't date just to date.
Sort of bitchy lol, but I suppose it's what i needed to hear. Divorce is hell.
This! I'm 33 and am sooooooo much different now than I was then and am very glad I'm not with any of the guys I dated back then
. Go have fun, enjoy being young and single!
Yeah, it goes away. I went through a phase like this. I also had a lot of fun being by myself and taking the first or second dates to meet new people and learn about myself and what I did and didn't like.
Honestly, when I met S, I had just about decided that I was good being alone, because quite frankly I was having a blast. He caught me off-guard, so to speak. Don't date just to date, but be open to possibilities as well.
I went through a phase like this post divorce too. It was mostly because I was doing more casual dating than a LTR so of course these guys weren't to the caliber that I expected. Once I got in the mindset of being ready for a more serious relationship, I found SO and that feeling went away.
It doesn't sound like you are ready. Take time for yourself.
You're not ready to be dating again. You still have divorce emotions swirling around you, and it's clouding how you see men.
Take a break for at least six months and then see how it goes.