Starting Over
joelen&louis
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I feel like I'm in a 12 step program...
... and coming out to say "I'm getting a divorce."
It's been getting easier to come to terms with my decision with each passing day and more than anything, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess it's a good sign that I don't second guess or doubt my decision. I just keep focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel... in hopes the journey goes as quickly and as smoothly as possible. I say this knowing I'll have my fair share of challenges with a 20 month old by my side. For those that have gone through or are in the process of going through a divorce with a child, I would love to hear about your experience.
Re: I feel like I'm in a 12 step program...
I also don't have kid advice, but I am also in the process of getting started on this long road, and I feel like I am not even ready to start the 12-step program. I am in the pre-12-step program portion of this. I know that, in the end, it will be better for me, but man, it's hard to take these first steps!
Good luck to you...I am finding that everyone here is amazing, and it helps so much to talk to people who have come out the other side.
I need to stop second guessing myself and just fully admit that I want out and make it happen. I admire your strength and courage.
There are a few of us here that are just starting the process (or trying to prepare to start the process which is where I am at). And the ladies and gentlemen on this board who have been there before are so helpful and supportive. Goodluck to you!
Thank you ladies. I appreciate your kind and supportive words. For me, it was time I stop the vicious cycle of abuse and disrespect that we had in our so called marriage. More importantly, I want my son to grow up surrounded by a positive and loving environment and have a childhood full of happy memories - not one full of fighting, yelling, disrespect between his parents for the sake of staying together. I don't want him to think a negative environment such as what we had was the norm or have that influence how he views women, family and his relationships with others. I respect myself and my son too much to continue in an unhealthy relationship like the one I had. Even after counseling and mediation, it was evident that we were not compromising or making an effort. I say we, since I cannot fully place the blame on the stbx.
Thanks again. I look forward to being more active here knowing this is a place of folks who can begin to understand how I feel and what I'm going through.
I wish others could realize this like you did. Good for you!
Woah, dude. Sorry to hear this.
Good luck to you.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Hi Joelen-
First off, it's sad to see you over here (I recognize you from the WC board as well) since that means you're going through a divorce.
Secondly...you'll find this board really does offer a ton of great support. It started right around the time I was getting divorced and couldn't have been at a better time. It's a great community of women (and a few dudes...and a few crazies) that offer a ton of support from all of our different stories.
My advice is to just FEEL. Every emotion. You will go through cycles and then back through the same emotiosn all over again, like a roller coaster. I found writing/journaling to be extremely helpful. Make sure to reach out to friends and family-lean on them through this. I thanked God I had an amazing support network. Continue counseling...super helfpul to work through everything.
Also...as cheesy as this sounds: Keep your head up and focus on the future. You're obviously talented in so many ways and have accomlished such awesome things! Don't look at you marriage as a failure, or yourself for that matter. Learn from it and move forward. Keep repeating that because sometimes it's really hard to focus on the future and stay positive.
Also, this board has quite a bit of single mom's who have been through all kinds of things. I cant' speak to the kid thing, but I know they can!
Good luck...hang in there and reach out when you need to.
ETA: TALK about it! I think that helped me the most...be willing and open to just talk about it. I know people "dance" around the issue as they'll take a clue from you whether you want to talk or not..but don't be ashamed. I had nothing to hide and found that the best therapy was just talking about it to people that wanted to listen (this is where journaling helped, too)
This board is a great place for support - especially since you don't seem crazy and have your head on straight.
As far as advice where kids are concerned, I'm not sure how amicable of a divorce you're going through. It's very common for dads to make threats concerning the children in order to get what they want (for example, threaten to go for 50/50 custody unless you agree to a lower child support amount). In that regard, my advice is to have an attorney, know your rights, and don't let your STBXH rattle you. It's easier said than done but try your best.
Also, take time for yourself. And don't be afraid to ask for help from others. Hopefully you have a good support system of family and friends. Don't be afraid to lean on them.