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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Splitting custody 50/50
Sorry I know this has been asked before and relatively recently but I can't find the post.
Since MH is a fantastic father and just not the right person for me I want to pursue a 50/50 custody split.
If you have children and joint custody can you tell me what your schedule is like? What days on/offf? How do you handle switching? And any other other advice you can offer.
Re: Splitting custody 50/50
My boyfriend splits his time 50/50.
He gets his kids Monday after school through the next monday at the start of school. Their mom gets them 1 night during that week. (He gets them one night during her week.)
For the holidays, one parent gets them for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas.
Their Christmas schedule is nuts...whatever parents has Christmas gets them from the time school is out until Dec. 26th at noon. The other parent then gets them from that day until they go back to school.
Neither pay child support.
The kids seem to do well with the arrangement. They have clothes/belongings at each house.
My SO (L) has 50/50 custody with his XW.
He gets his DD Wednesdays and Thursdays, and every other weekend (F/Sa/Sun).
DD has clothes/belongings at each house. Due to a slight income disparity, he has to pay her a small amount each month in CS.
I think if you live close by each other and you both have similar incomes that could work. Although for your young one developmentally they shouldn't be away from their primary caregiver for more than a couple of nights in a row. Which I think makes 50/50 challenging.
50/50 does not work in my situation because of this distance we live from each other. Also, it is my understanding that most judges will give the mom more time at least until the children are around 7 years old. I understand your willingness to equally share your children but since one of your children is so young you may consider a 60/40 or 70/30 split or something like that. Just my two cents. My son is two years old and I certainly am not willing to give up 50% time to my ex. Not only that but he left me in a position where I do need child support from him to get by. When he broke up with me I was only working 20 hours a week and certainly do not make enough money to support my son by myself right now.
My parents did 50/50 with me growing up, at least from age 5. I did week on, week off with each parent - Mom's Sunday 5pm to Sunday 5pm, then Dad would pick me up and I'd do the same thing again, at Dad's Sunday 5pm to Sunday 5pm. Rinse and repeat. When I got to middle school I went to 2 weeks on and off with each parent. I kept clothes at each house, but ended up carrying a lot of my life (school work, music books, favorite stuffed animals, clothes, accessories, makeup) back and forth between houses.
We did holidays every other holiday with each parent (ex: Mom's one year, Dad's the next) except for Christmas - that was Christmas Eve to 12pm noon on Christmas Day with one parent and then switched to the other parent Christmas Day noon through Christmas night. And whose house I was at Eve/morning and Christmas noon-night switched every year.
Biggest suggestion - try to have both parents at all school functions and big events, regardless of whose turn it is with the child. It meant a lot that even though I was at one house for a choir concert, the other parent would make the effort to attend. I have seen some parents leave town completely for the entire non-child time and it's pretty tough on the kids when that happens. GL with everything, feel free to PM me if you want someone to give you the kid's perspective on all of this.
Ideally this is what I would like to do. I hate the thought of not seeing my kids for an entire week but I know that it would be better for them all around and a lot less shuffling. Who knows what my H will agree to b/c he is still really against the idea of us getting a divorce and he is convinced that us living separately will destroy our kids lives. I view it as restructuring for the greater good of everyone, he thinks I am a cold hearted bitchhh who wants to ruin everyone's life.
We are planning to do one week on & one week off
For the first year we'll also have the other person over on Tue and Thus to have dinner with the kids during the on week
All school events are shared
All holidays are shared too
(We may spend more time together AFTER the divorce, then we did in marriage)