Should I change the locks again?

LadyLissame · January 2012

Last year, STBXH and I changed the locks after all of our tenants moved out (we rented out our spare rooms to friends). We did not know who had keys and could not locate several of the spares. When the locks were changed, I had a copy, he had a copy and our parents each had a copy. Since we separated, STBXH has given me his copy, but refuses to give me his parents copy saying that "it's his house too since his name is still on it" even though he is living with his parents.

Should I just change the locks again? What should I do with my old locks and keys?

UDscoobychick · January 2012

Do you have any reason to fear him? I don't remember your backstory, sorry. If you feel even the least bit uncomfortable about him/his parents having a key, I'd change the locks. If you're amicable and not worried about it, then I wouldn't go through the hassle, IMHO.

LadyLissame · January 2012

I don't think he will hurt me physically, but he might let himself inside when I am not there.

Things are so-so on the amicable side. They were fine until I told him that I had retained a lawyer and started the paperwork for the divorce. He considered that "going behind his back" and is now making things difficult.

My backstory: STBXH had a an affair when I was pregnant. I wanted to try and work things out, but he continued to lie to me and refused to cut contact with the OW (who was a friend of mine before the affair). We separated when DS was a month old. A month after that, I found out more lies and broken promises so I told him: me or her. He chose divorce. He started dating the OW less than 2 months since we split up (found out from FB, confirmed by him). He is still lying to me, even about small things. I decided that since he obviously does not care about my feelings, I need to caring about his and do what is best for me and DS.

JellymanKelly · January 2012

If he has moved out, it's within your right to change the locks. My husband's name is still on our house too, and will be, but if I had an inkling that he'd try to come in here when I'm not home, I'd change the locks immediately. He lives a plane ride away, so I don't have to worry so much, and he even stays here when he comes for visitation. Since he's so far away, I don't have to worry about him taking anything.

MintChocoChip · January 2012

If you think he might go into the house and he is the one who moved out, then I would change them. Depending on your state, he has "abandoned" the property and even though his name is on the deed, he has limited rights of entry. Also, just because his name is on the house doesn't mean that his parents have a right to keys. I'd change them and just not tell him.

DakotaDangerDog · January 2012

I would! My XH told me if I changed them he'd call the cops, even though I owned the house, he paid nothing and his name was on nothing. I asked my lawyer about it and he said that well technically since we were married and I hadn't filed yet (he said that the day I kicked him out) he had a right to be there, BUT if he actually called the cops and I told them what happened there was no way they'd like force me to let him in or anything.

startingover2010 · January 2012

When I got divorced I moved out of the house. I went back one day and XH had changed the locks. After talking to my lawyer, he told me that if XH wouldn't give me a key, I could call a locksmith and have them changed again since the house was still 50% mine, and all of my belongings were still inside. I think it all depends on your state.

LadyLissame · January 2012

Right now, a lot of his items are still there as he does not have the room to store them. I am moving his belongings to the garage.

He is the one that moved out. Perhaps this is a question for my lawyer.

HoolyGo · January 2012

My X returned his set of keys to me when he moved out. I still had the locks changed the day I moved in. I didn't necessarily think he would physically harm me, but I also never thought he'd accuse me of cheating, get drunk, tear up the house and send vulgar emails to my coworkers, boss and other work associates, so I figured I must not have known him as well as I thought I did. Besides that, I didn't want him to stop by at any point and let himself in. So, in addition to changing the locks, I changed the passcode on the alarm system and setup a new safe word with the alarm company.

SharingLifeLove · January 2012

*delurks* I hate to be devil's advocate, but what if something happens and said X needs to get in your house? Say your DS has a medication he needs taking, or god forbid something happen to you, and there is an emergency while your X has DS? If you are still amicable, it may be in your child's best interest if his father has a key. If you have a key to his current residence, I feel that would ultimately be best. I had an aunt who had a setup a bit like that in her divorce, even though her X was a scumbag, and it saved her child's life when she forgot to pack his seizure medication one day. Unfortunately, it only takes one time for something horrible to happen...

Should I change the locks again?

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