Family Matters
Ang2208
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Question of the Day
If you came to my house to visit and I asked you to take your shoes off, would you be offended?
Re: Question of the Day
It depends on how militant you are.
I have extremely stinky feet. BEYOND stinky. It would be unpleasant for anyone to be around me if I took off certan pairs of shoes. If I politely declined and was pushed, I would leave and probably not come back. Because I would be seriously embarrassed about being put on the spot.
The REALITY is, unless someone is tracking in MUD, the amount of "ickies" one tracks into the hosue from outside is NO MORE than what one tracks back into the living room from the bathroom.
OR what is on your cellphone. OR the bottom of your purse.Or the bottom of your dogs feet.
But the comfort of your GUESTS should come before the fear of the ick.
Here is why I am asking...there are certain people I know (FIL) who flips out of any shoes at all being on your feet in his house BUT every time he comes to my house he will NOT take this shoes off.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problems taking my shoes off, I was always taught no matter who's house you are in - you should remove your shoes.
This was discussed ad nauseum on MM last week.
For me.... I don't wear shoes at home much, but it's not a rule. They don't come off as soon as I walk in the door. I go to my room and put my slippers on. It's more about comfort than anything else.
If I'm going to a friends house to hang out, it's a casual thing - if asked, I'll do it and not care. My only annoyance is that my feet do get cold easily and I may be a bit uncomfortable, but I can roll with it.
However, if I'm going somewhere for a nice party, something where I'm going to be putting thought into my outfit - I'm annoyed. Not offended, but annoyed. Usually my shoes are a part of my outfit.
I have one pair of jeans that are more for the summer, but I'll wear them in the winter when I can tuck them into boots. If I have those jeans on and am than asked to take my shoes off.... grrr. I'm annoyed.
I'll do it and I'll put a smile on while I do it, but, I am still frustrated and depending on "who" you are in my life, it could affect if I want to come over again.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And keep in mind - not everyone WANTS you to take their shoes off. So while you learned you're supposed to do that, it can be a regional thing, and it often boils down to personal preference.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think it's also a regional and cultural thing. In most of Canada you would naturally take your shoes off in the house - probably due to the weather and not tracking snow/sleet/mud/slush, etc. into the house for 6-8 months a year, why track in dirt the other 4 months?
When we lived in China wearing your shoes in someone's house was tantamount to spitting in your host's face. It's just not done. Even service people coming into our house in China would immediately take off their shoes and look around the door for slippers. (going around in socks or barefoot was also really uncommon there)
Here in the UK people tend to wear their shoes in the house, our housemates do and it bugs the crap out of me - we have to hoover every single night to get rid of the crap they track in on their shoes. Well, having toddler twins doesn't help much with the mess either, though.
The states has always baffled me with this, it seems like the northern states have a culture of taking off their shoes (probably also due to weather) and the middle and southern states don't...
I think it's very rude to wear shoes in someone's house, like saying that your house isn't clean enough for my feet.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I tend to take my shoes off if I'm going to be inside for a while. I would be less likely to do this at the home of someone I don't know well, though. For instance, if we go over to a friend's to watch the superbowl, I'd take my shoes off asap. If we were invited to a co-worker's house to watch the game, I'd leave my shoes on unless I was asked to remove them -- at least until I had a chance to check out what the hosts did. If the hosts or other guests kicked off their shoes, I'd follow suit.
I've only been asked to remove my shoes by a host one time, by someone who is both Chinese-American AND the owner of a brand new home. She was very gracious about it, noting their cream-colored carpets, and I didn't mind at all.
That's an understatement.
Today, I am wearing jeans and the snow is melting outside in a slushie mess. If I went to anyone's house, I wouldn't think twice about taking my shoes off.
But when I am dressed-up for a holiday/party in a dress or dress pants, I just hate being asked to take-off my heals. I do it, of course. Like ECB said, it's part of my outft and I feel so slouchy in a dress in bare feet or dress pants that drag on the floor. I wipe my feet at the door and don't drag-in mud or water. Seems easy enough to wash the floors and vacuum after you host.
Your FIL sounds like a jerk. Seems like he's one of those people who think that shoes track-in polution. So he wants them off in his house, but uses them to protect his feet in other's people's place. Buy his some slippers for your place.
Oooh, that would so irk me!
Here's my FIL/shoe gripe:
One time during the Winter when the ILs came over, I laid out an old towel right by our front door by the door mat, to expand the "taking off your shoes area". It was pretty clear that's why the towel was there. Other people were over too, so there were other boots lined up. DH told FIL when he walked in to kindly take off his shoes.
FIL walks in the door, walks ALL the way over to the other side of the living room and takes off his shoes on my living room RUG getting slush, snow, dirt, water EVERYWHERE! Then, he actually had the nerve to say to me, "You might want to grab some paper towels, I've made a mess!" I started to wipe up the mess & he never once offered. Pig. Total classless pig. I really despise that man. I swear, he does these things on purpose to tick me off and test me.
My rule of thumb for taking off shoes is weather-based. Snow? Absolutely. Rain? Yes. Dry, Summer day? Eh - not so much. Of course, that can change if they have on say, lumber-jack boots that are filthy dirty, THEN, I don't care if it's in the middle of Summer or whenever it is, those come off!
I don't care if people take their shoes off in my home or not...I have a french mastiff who sheds and I'm sure brings in more dirt than anything. I guess I just find it extremely rude that he makes it very appoint to make issues over shoes etc BUT he will walk right into my door and not take his shoes off at all. FYI - atleast my dog doesnt pee on the floor like theirs!
What does your dh think?
My kids and I take off our shoes at home. DH doesn't (he has smelly feet). But it's not a rule in our house. Some people see the shoe basket at the front door and say "oh, should I take off my shoes?" but I don't care either way (unless it is slushy/wet and ugly outside).
If I went to someone's home, I wouldn't care if I had to remove my shoes, but I would mind if I were dressed up, mostly b/c I wouldn't want my tights to get ripped up by walking around with no shoes!
I am happy to take my shoes off if someone asks. However, I agree with ECB and livinitup. If I'm being invited to a party where I'm getting dressed up, then I want my shoes on.
I live in the northeast and DH and I throw a holiday party every year. Many of our guests assume they should take their shoes off, but I don't expect it of them. If it is snowing out or slushy on the ground, they do it because it's not as comfortable for them.
DH always takes his shoes off and he brings along his slippers.
Unless it's snowy, rainy or it's a cultural thing, I'm completely thrown by the taking your shoes off thing.
I will honor your request of course (it's your house!), but I will admit to rolling my eyes at some of the reasons behind it.