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Am I stuck in an unhappy marriage if I don't have the $$$???
The retainer fee for attorney I've consulted with and would like to hire is $3500. I do not have that and I went to my dad last night to see if I could borrow it from him. He doesn't have it, he said if he did, he would gladly loan it to me. I mentioned this to my mom, but didn't outright ask her for the loan because I didn't think she had the money either (which she said she doesn't). I could possibly ask my sister for a loan, but her and BIL just fronted $1000 for us to take my dad to Daytona for his 60th bday next month.
I could possibly borrow against my 401k, but this would be my last resort as I know that is not a smart thing to do. I wonder if I could take out a personal loan with the bank; however, I probably shouldn't say this is for my divorce 
. A problem with these options is that payment will be due immediately, and I would need at least a month before I could make the first payment. I'd have to wait until I was out of the house and none of my money was going towards the house or utilities there and I'd guess that would be about a month for us to go through things and such.
So...am I stuck in an unhappy marriage because I can't afford the attorney to help me get out??? I am ready to get moving on this, but I also don't want to tell H and then not have an attorney to represent me. Anyone else who is going/went through this?
Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
Re: Am I stuck in an unhappy marriage if I don't have the $$$???
I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're in this position.
Perhaps others will know of resources you can use. I'm sorry I can't be more helpMy stbxh and I are doing this and we have a kid. Since he filed, he had to pay $500. I got served and wanted to change up what he had put in the paper so I filed and paid $500 including child support order form. I was able to fill out the form at the self help center with an appointment free of charge.
We have a court date, my stbxh is very amicable so there is not much push back so I highly doubt we have to pay more in fees. I am not using the lawyer but I put everything I wanted in my divorce response including a sheet of handwritten requests with all the details I can think of regarding my stuff, routines and cost for our child including future tuition and daycare.
If there was a push-back or if something goes wrong, I do have a number to my lawyer as a back-up but I get major discount because I opt in a legal plan at the corporate where I work at so I am fortunate for that resources if needed.
I did this and didnt have to pay anything! There is also a lawyer at our local law library that will fill out the decree for free
Good luck!
http://www.nycourts.gov/divorce/forms.shtml
I find that website very helpful and refer to it often. I hope it helps you too.
Thanks so much for all of your replies.
I'd like to think we can do this amicably as H knows I am unhappy (and he can't be happy either) and I have mentioned separating; however, I'm not sure how he'll react when I tell him I want a divorce rather than just a separation. I'm also not sure if he'll be agreeable on the custody of our girls. That is what worries me most. I don't want to get into a big custody fight- we have no reason to and I am hoping H realizes that.
The attorney did mention H and I coming in for mediation. But I didn't ask much about that. Is that where we'd both go in and see one attorney only and we'd both split the cost (retainer fee and any other costs)? That could be a possibility, again, only if H doesn't decide fight over the girls.
I would be willing to put in on my credit card; however, the attorney said he could only take a max of $1k on a card. I'm wondering if I called him and told him I'm having a hard time getting the money, if he would agree to take credit for the entire amount.
I am a bit naive about these kinds of things (finances, courts...) so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing the paperwork myself. H is very meticulous though, but I would be afraid I'd miss something and end up screwing myself in the end. Besides, wouldn't it be best to have the money ready just in case H starts getting dirty?
And thank you for this link too. I've been on this site before and it was helpful. I'll be sure to look into it more.
If you do decide to apply for a loan, maybe get extra to help cover the first 2 months is payments and a little emergency money to help get you started. Tell your lawyer you're broke and can only afford 1500 to start but can make payments after that. Look into other attorneys too. Our city has a law department to help those who can't afford it and I think it may include divorce.
This is strange. Most attorneys gladly accept credit cards and don't put a cap on how much you can pay with one. Maybe you should have a consult with another attorney?