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My crazy SIL....
(I have no reason to write this other than I'm bored. So... deal. 
Sorry if it gets long.)
My "SIL" (she's BIL's LONG term girlfriend) is insane. She can be very histrionic in her reactions, and what have you. We've had so many problems/issues w/ her over the years - it's stupid. They live in Brooklyn, which is about 4 hours from us. We seriously question why BIL is w/ her, and we've even asked him directly. He literally said "I don't know. My friends have asked me the same thing.". Does that sound like a man in love? Not to me.
Anyhow.... backstory: 5 years ago she called DH and IL's and wanted to do an intervention w/ BIL. We didn't disregard her concerns, but we also couldn't blindly go into an intervention w/o actually talking to him about the issues she brought up. This led to her FLIPPING out on DH and IL's and w/ one exception, we havent' seen or talked to her since.
The one exception is 4 years ago I was in NYC for 2.5 weeks while trying to get PG w/ DS (IVF). We ended up meeting the 2 of them for dinner one night. Other than that - haven't seen her since, and the IL's still haven't seen her since the year before.
BIL still comes down to visit on occasion, but holidays are pretty much out- he always goes to see her family, etc. Big picture, not seeing HER hasn't been an issue. It's more the fact that she, to a degree, "keeps" BIL from us (but trust me - we place blame on BIL for this too. It's part of the reason why we out and out asked him why he's with her!)
In the past year, she's started "popping up". There have been a few huge group emails among the entire extended family, and she would occasionally do a "reply to all". Nothing directly to us or IL's, but she's just "there".
So last week, FIL gets an email directly from her. "Happy Chanukah", BIL is SOOOO busy, we miss you all. Oh, can we get ECB's address so that we can send KidECB some gifts?
FIL forwarded it to DH, who forwarded it to me. I just rolled my eyes at the entire thing. Yes, I know that this might be her "olive branch", but the history just makes it too hard to take her seriously. And the wanting to give DS gifts... for one, he needs nothing (his b-day is 8 days before Christmas!). But I'm like "He's THREE and she's NEVER MET HIM". I just don't have patience for her.
So DH writes back to her directly. "Please don't send gifts.... blah blah blah" and then out and out writes "Seeing you all when you have a chance would be present enough. He's 3 and you still haven't even met him. I know he would love to meet you.". I LOL'd at that. It was subtle, but yet direct. No one EVER calls her out on her $hit, so I was glad to see that he did. He buffered it w/ niceties, but still... the message is clear.
Anyhow- the NEXT DAY, IL's get a big box from her w/ gifts for DS. As in - while she's writing asking for our address, she had already sent the gift. Um... so, why are you writing asking for our address?!?!?
Then, the box is filled w/ a bunch of toys for a 1 year old. Now, luckily, for whatever reason, IL's actually took it upon themselves to send the toys back to the company and (I assume) order some more age appropriate stuff. If they hadn't, I told DH that if they bring the gifts to us, then we're either giving them to friends w/ younger kids or donating them. I am not making a OUNCE of effort to deal w/ this gift from her that was woefully off the mark.
So, that was that incident. BIL was supposedly going to come down this past weekend. And after the fact, we find out that SIL was actually going to come too!! Her bags were packed, and everything. They were SOOOO excited!!! The FIRST time in FIVE years. but guess what happened?!?!?! Their car broke down before the were even able to leave. WOW - the chances of that happening....
I definitely don't want to think BIL would lie to us, but I really have a very, very, VERY hard time believing that "this time" was the time she was seriously going to come down for a visit and THIS time is the time the car breaks down.
Granted, the car is a POS and I'm not surprised that it would break down. But the timing of it is just so darn coincidental. Trust me, though, I'm not complaining that we didn't see her.
But DH and I both wondering "what's going on" - w/ this recent activity on her part. I wonder if BIL finally has said "enough" to her. Or, what. But.... oy. I just wish he'd break up with her. I really don't want her back in my life at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Re: My crazy SIL....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Not a How I Met Your Mother fan, are you?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Bored and read it all!
I think you're totally within your rights to not want to see this woman. It sounds like she hasn't paid attention to a single thing that's been going on in your family, she missed 2 years from your kid's life ffs!
I also don't blame you at all for thinking she's lying to you. My sister's boyfriend does stuff like that all the time. When he's running late the car broke down or something came up. He's done it to get out of being late, going on vacations, going to family events... pretty much everything. Why people can't get up the cajones to tell the truth is beyond me sometimes.
You know the more I read the more it sounds like my sister and her bf, only with him being the crazy and histrionic one. The lying, the opinion that it's all about his family, the "less than in love" answers to asking why they're together.
I feel ya.
Do you think she had a sign already made up? That could explain why she was so mad. She didn't get to use her sign.
Is she really that terrible of a person or do you just not like her with BIL?
Background - she is a chain smoker. Years ago (I'm talking 12 or 13 years) they stayed at our apartment. Later I find out she was "offended" that we made her go out on our balcony to smoke (where we even had an ashtray!) instead of letting her smoke inside. From this, she made it out that I (not my DH, just me) had a problem w/ smokers and judge them (I don't).
My mother died on April 6, 2006 from lung cancer after being a life-long smoker.
Whenever Easter fell that year (just a week or two later) DH and I went to her mother's farm to celebrate Easter w/ them. They ALL smoke inside. Thank God it was a beautiful weekend and all the windows were open because otherwise, I really don't know if I could have handled it. I dont' care if people smoke, but I hate smoking inside and my mother had JUST died of lung cancer.
I never said anything about this. just went about doing our thing (this farm is actually awesome and we were outside most of the time anyhow).
On Easter, a family friend comes over. SIL and he are standing in the kitchen smoking. I walk in to get something and she looks at me, then leans to him and "whispers" "Oh, be careful, we have some smoking police around here".
I was kind of stunned, got what I wanted, and left the room. But... I was just STUNNED.
A - I am FAR from the "smoking police". I truly DON"T CARE if someone chooses to smoke. I don't want it in MY house, and I'd prefer to not be around it, but.... I DON'T CARE. But this all comes from that episode years before where we wouldn't let her smoke in our apartment.
B - MY MOTHER JUST DIED OF LUNG CANCER. If, IF, I actually had been at all sensitive about it - for the love of GOD - show some f-ing compassion!!!!!!
This is the kind of stuff we have put up w/ over the years.....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I LMFAO'd at this and wondered if others would be like "huh?"
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
This "intervention" would fall somewhere in the middle, I'd say. BIL does drugs sometimes, admits to it - but we've never seen where it's a problem This particular time too- he works for a company that throws huge events and they actually run Fashion Week in NYC. It's an EXHAUSTING week and he admits he has done coke to keep going. Every year after fashion week, she has some freak out over something (because she isn't getting attention from him, we think). This time, it was that he's a "drug addict".
Again - we didn't dismiss her concerns, but at the same time, as DH says - if we were to do an intervention, DH's list would be "Brother, when you do drugs, it affects me because your crazy girlfriend calls me". We just don't see them that much that if there IS a drug problem, there isn't anything for us to go into an intervention with! That's why DH was like "I can't do this w/o talking to brother first".
And that's when she flipped out.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm sorry about your mom.
Obviously, you have every right to ask someone not to smoke in your house. That request should be respected without any repercussions, as you respect that someone else's house has different rules than your own.
Do you think that maybe you are just super sensitive to this particular person? When people complain about their MILs, I see you asking if this is something that only bothers them because it was MIL that did/said it and not because of the actual thing that was done/said. I am wondering if this might apply to you in regards to SIL. None of us are immune.
You don't see her often enough to let her get under your skin this way. You are better than that.
Muddled... I don't feel I'm "super sensitive" to her (trust me, this wasn't really a vent as much as a "here's the newest thing in the saga that is SIL"), but I can't out and out say that "who" she is doesn't play a role into my reactions.
This thing w/ the gifts - there are other relatives who have never met D and if they sent him a gift, even the wrong age, I know I wouldn't be annoyed by it. But their reasons for not seeing him would probably be due to distance. Not a histrionic reaction that she's let grow into a 5 year issue. So - it's probably a little bit of both.
But everyone we know whose ever met her see the same thing - DH can't stand her, my parents can't stand her, my IL's would probably rather not have her around, but as she is w/ their son - they respect that and will always keep their door open.
In the email to FIL, she went on how BIL's boss was in the hospital w/ this HORRIBLE stomach issue and had to have surgery, is out of work for an extended time, etc. Then when FIL talked to BIL, we find out that no, that's not it. His boss has an on-going stomach problem and she was in for a few tests but was actually fine and already back to work....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10