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House chores/cleaning dilemma
Hey. What's up. I have a dilemma and I just need some input. I just turned 24 and my husband is 22. We got Married in October of 2011. Ok, here we go. He works at a Hog factory 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm trying to finish up school (I was supposed to Graduate in Decemeber, but had a set back so it won't be for a while.) I'm going to be taking 1 class this semester. He pays most of the bills, while I do get some SSI (long story) I do help pay for my own car insurance, cell phone bill, and help with groceries. I don't have a job, so I wash dishes, do both our laundry, take out the trash, vaccum and mop the floors, and clean the house in general (dust, pick up, etc...) so basically I do ALL the housework.
My husband doesn't do a really good job picking up after himself (leaving pop bottles, pop cans, empty bag of chips, snack wrappers, etc on the floor.) and when I do his laundry I put it in a laundry basket and he doesn't put his clothes away. I have tried talking to him about this MANY times...he will say he's sorry. When I go to pick up stuff, he will tell me to leave it and that he will get it, in which case something else distracts him and forgets to do it or (I feel like) he make excuses. And over and over with the same cycle. This is the 1st time we have both moved out of our Parents house and into a house by ourselves. His parents are separated and basically just did his laundry for him. When he lived with his Dad, he still didn't pick up after himself very well. I am concerned with what will happen in the future when I do get a full time job.....I'm concerned that I will still be stuck doing all the housework. What do you think? Am I being to unreasonable? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Re: House chores/cleaning dilemma
His clothes will just have to be wrinkled if he doesn't put them away. If he cares (which it sounds like he doesn't) then he'll learn to put them away promptly.
The wrappers and stuff is gross, seriously. You are not his maid or his mommy. He needs to be a big boy now and clean up after himself.
Sure, when I'm home more than DH, I do more around the house. I dont mind. BUT he chips in when he can, and when he's home for a good chunk, he does more than his fair share.
This is what adults do.
And don't kid yourself. If you plan on having kids anytime soon, this will ALL translate to the child care too. It will ALL fall on you. He'll probably scoff at the idea of having to change a diaper, etc.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
(whispers)
what is a hog factory?
Is this some sort of new Crackerbarrel type place?
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Motorcycles, maybe? But in my head, the factory was also churning out the middle-aged men riding them, Wild Hogs style.
You should not be picking up his trash. He's a big boy and at some point he should have learned that leaving things strewn about the house is unacceptable.
This is pretty typical behavior for a 22-year-old who's never lived on his own before. That's why we recommend 22-year-olds don't get married and everybody live on their own for a few years before getting married.
Does he do well with lists? Can you make a list for him to start out and then leave it up to him to follow through?
Normally, I wouldn't suggest this but seeing as he's 22 years old I think it's pretty standard behavior.
That said, I would stop doing his laundry.
I would like to know what the set back was.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
I am why everyone in the middle hates everyone on the ends.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
1. What's up? Really?
2. This is why 22-year-olds shouldn't get married until they have actually lived a little bit of life (as in not with their parents and not in a dorm/frat/etc)
3. WTF is a hog factory?
I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD KNOW THIS!!!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Looks like a "hey H, grow up" talk is in order.
Seriously. Does he expect you to clean up after him forever?
DH's parents did this and he sucked at it when we met. Do like I did: Expect him to clean up after himself and do 50% of the household chores. When he doesn't, advise him that x, y and z need to be done and that he forgot to clean up after himself in the den/kitchen/wherever.
Continue advisement until no longer necessary or when your H will make a loop around the house "just to see" if anything needs to be done, and then does it. I consider that the measure of success.
LOL I don't think living longer as a bachelor would change much for many men, at least not for my husband! He was 33 before I moved in with him, and lived a lot like he did in college until then. My brother is 33 right now and he still lives like he did in college too, probably the same.
There are men out there that aren't a bunch of slobs when your worlds collide, but you're lucky if you get one of them!