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Thoughts... more info, etc
I just got home-was stuck at a track meet when DH called with the news and had to wait for a parent to bring me back.
Basically, FIL was already in kidney and lung failure, but with dialysis and oxygen, he was being sustained, until recently. Started a very fast decline that ended up with an ambulance ride to the hospital last weekend. This morning they got all the conclusive test results (got lots of "we think..." stuff all week that was confirmed this morning). Basically, he has a liver disease and is going blind due to some condition called arteritis (here from wikipedia). They also found a large mass on his kidneys that is assumed to be cancerous (especially considering a lot of his recent symptoms-constant nausea, etc).
So-he is home and a hospice nurse will be there during the days. DH is down there with his mom and I'll go down tomorrow with clean clothes for him. FIL's siblings have already come by tonight. His nieces and nephews have started trickling by and more are coming tomorrow. They said maybe 2 weeks but everyone seems to think it will be 2-3 days. He is not in pain.
When he was in the hospital, DH said something to him about "when we get you out of here..." and FIL responded that "this was a one way trip", so the fact that they allowed him to move home has at least brought him some joy/peace. The hospice nurse already commented that he seemed much calmer this evening. DH just called and said he sat with him for a bit and FIL said "I'm sorry I won't be able to meet your child" and DH told him it was okay and told him the names we are thinking about. I told DH that if he wanted me to, I would call the doctor and get them to put the baby's sex in an envelope and let FIL have it (hospice nurse could read it to him, etc). Just to give him something special. DH is going to think about it.
DH is already worried about what to do about work on Monday. I know how sad he will be if he's not there when FIL passes... so I'm praying that that works out for the best.
I don't know. I am so so so sad for DH. He is brokenhearted. FIL was a good dad to DH, despite any other shortcomings, and I hate to see DH have to face this. It's just hard.
Thanks for all the T&Ps. They are greatly appreciated.
Re: Thoughts... more info, etc
I just read your other post.. I'm so sorry Cassidy. I think that's a really nice gesture that you've offered up to Ryan with the baby's sex.
Losing a parent is hard no matter what the circumstances were. You're all in my thoughts
I'm so sorry. I cried while reading this because it's all too familiar. DH went through the same thing when his father started receiving hopsice. He wanted to spend as much time with him as he could, but at the same time, he was afraid to take too much time out of work because he knew he'd need to take time when his father passed away. DH ended up going to work all week and then his father passed away the following weekend while we were there (during the night, while DH slept on the floor next to his bed). I know he was really glad he was there when it happened.
Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really hard to know what to do or say, but just be there for your DH in whatever way he needs you to be. T&P your way.
Srsly.
T&P for you and your DH and your ILs...I know this must be so, so hard. Despite all that has happened I hope your husband's family can maintain some peace for his final days. *Hugs*
Yeah that got me too. I was thinking about it during your first post and glanced at your ticker. I can't imagine how hard it must be on all of you right now. Prayers for all of you to find peace in the situation.
This exactly. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
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I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. I'm glad FIL is home and more at rest/peace now. It's nice that FIL is able to verbalize some things to family before he passes, I think it's a neat idea for him to find out the sex.
Sending T&P's right now for your family and FIL.
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This got me too. It is such a sweet gesture and is such a nice thing to do. I am so sorry your family is going through this. T&P for peace and comfort during this difficult time.
The death of any family member is an emotionally horrendous time. I'm glad Ryan is getting to spend some time with his dad and your FIL seems to be more at peace and in less pain.
I found that after my FIL passed, my major role was giving Joe permission to grieve. He felt he had to be there for his mom and be strong for her. I felt it was my job to tell him he too needs to grieve. While you're a part of the family, however tenuous it is, you're Ryan's wife first and he'll need you more than this other family members.
I will continue to think about you during this difficult time.
Catching up, saw your note about caskets and had to come down further to see what was going on. I'm so sorry to hear about all of this with your FIL. You are doing all of the right things (the only things you can do) to make this easier on your husband and in-laws, Cassidy. They'll be so appreciative!
I'm glad that your FIL will be at peace soon, but can imagine how hard that will be on all of you. Sending thoughts and prayers and strength to get you through.
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