Starting Over
CarrotsMakeMeFat
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
did you get pre marital counseling?
There is a beebee on ML wanting to get married young and talks about how they are doing everything right, including pre marital counseling.
so did you and the ex do pre marital counseling, religious or not? did you think it was worth it?
I did the pre cana through the Catholic church and it didn't help at all. Having been through regular counseling post divorce, I would not be opposed to having that kind of pre marital counseling next time
Re: did you get pre marital counseling?
IMO pre-marital counseling is a joke. I think people go through it to justify their decision to get married (like the beebee on ML)-- not to truly test the waters and explore if there are underlying issues.
Like others, we met with our pastor twice, for an hour each time. I remember telling the pastor what he wanted to hear....not how I really felt.
I did an Engaged Encounter, which was somewhat helpful, and brought to light some issues, but not others. That was mainly due to XFI not wanting to admit the truth about his feelings re: having kids to himself, though.
I have told BF that I am strongly in favor of doing some secular pre-marital counseling, if/when we do get engaged. He's totally on-board with that. I enjoyed the Engaged Encounter, and wouldn't mind doing another one, but it's very religious, and BF is agnostic, so I don't think he would get as much out of it, so it makes more sense to do secular counseling.
XH was Catholic (well, now he thinks he's Muslim, but whatever), and he said he wanted/ needed to go to Engagement Encounter. I signed us up, and then ended up having to work until midnight and we missed it, but he was already reluctant to do in the days before. My grandparents (also Catholic) paid for us to go as an engagement present, to make up for our missed session, and he refused to go, saying it was unnecessary. The same guy who said it was essential months earlier. Anyone see a red flag?
We did two meetings with the church before we got married, and they were a total joke. It was not serious, and if I ever get married again, i will insist on legitimate, multiple session premarital counseling.
We did a few sessions with our priest. How effective it was, I'm not sure, since XH was abusive and not exactly up-front with his expectations of marriage. The priest thought we were ready, but the person XH presented before the wedding was jarringly different from who emerged afterward.
As for the future? I'm not opposed to it, but I'm not sure I would insist on it. That's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.
Wow! That's very different from my experience! I signed us up for it on the recommendation of my parents...they did it 30 years ago when they were engaged, and 30 years later, their marriage is going strong, so I tend to listen to their advice! They found it highly rewarding. I guess you get out of it what you put into it.