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Venting... (long)
Disclaimer: I'm posting under my AE...<<ETA: Section deleted>> If you are curious about my real SN just PM me.)
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I feel a little foolish, because it's nothing serious, just a lot of minor things that add up. I'm just frustrated and need to vent somewhere anonymous.
XH left his job at the Harley place & started working for a dealership near C470 & Broadway -- about 45 minutes away in good traffic. He decided to sell/trade-in all 3 of their vehicles: Harley (thank God, since my kids were on it without helmets), Expedition, and VW, and buy/lease one truck. His finances=his problem, but now there is more conflict when the kids want to do extra-curricular activities or see friends because they have no transportation (not a lot of buses out here either).
He also promised DS1 on several occasions that the Expedition would be "his" when he turned 16. (Not something I was in favor of, but DS got really excited.) DS1 thought it had been in the shop this whole time, and when he told his dad it had been promised to him, XH denied that had ever been the deal. That's the part that gets to me -- I'm totally OK with DS driving a POS car at 16 (didn't we all?) or saving his money to get something else, but just be up front about it.
Oh, and now that he gets employee discounts, he wants to help DS get a car loan to buy his first car. Did I mention he goes through cars like others go through shoes? I *really* don't want that habit passed on to a kid who is going to potentially start 8 years of college.
With the new job & loss of a bike, he is no longer identifying with the biker lifestyle, and is now a cowboy. Again. OK, fine, he can change his identity, nickname, wardrobe, CDs, vehicle, and friends -- but don't expect the kids to follow suit. DS1 refuses, and that's causing strife with his dad. DS3 needed new tennis shoes, and his dad bought him Roper shoes. He doesn't get that DS has trouble running in them because they're heavy and uncomfortable -- after all, "cowboys play basketball in them all the time". I wore similar shoes growing up riding horses, and I totally get DS' point.
I know, it's petty... but after going back & forth about this stupid shoe thing today (he's mad because I told DS3 2 weeks ago we'd go get tennis shoes this weekend), I am done.
The eyes have rolled completely back in my head at this point, and I know that nothing I say would be good. I guess the switching identity thing set me off, because when we were married he went through several iterations of soldier (though not in military), punk, jock, cowboy, snowboarder, biker, super preppy guy, etc. Completely changed who he was each time, and expected me to follow suit... which I wasn't OK with. It seems like he's pushing them to do the same, and he takes it as disrespectful or challenging him when they resist.
Too many layers of awesome, just like me.
Re: Venting... (long)
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
This. Exactly.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with his immaturity... he sounds worse than your sons!!!