Oral Fixation

swahiliimani2 · January 2012

Okay I have been with my partner for a while now and I have had a...I don't want to say problem, because it hasn't put a strain on our sexual life, but it is something that I have been thinking about from time to time and I don't know how to bring it up to him for discussion. Well it's two things really, but they center around the same thing: Oral sex.

The first is that he says he refuses to give it. Is there anyway to change his mind, or is it set forever?

The second is that, while I enjoy giving, he is uncircumcised and doesn't clean it properly, resulting in an acute odor. How do I tell him without hurting his ego?

An answer to either would be greatly appreciated!

DaringMiss · January 2012

Oh my word...why are you having sex with this man?

Never have sex with a man for whom YOUR pleasure is not equally important. Seriously. If he won't go down on you, RUN. Unless your genitals are incredibly unclean, your partner should be willing to perform cunnilingus. (I personally like to be fresh, so I will usually wash my genitals before sex)

But if his junk has funk, do not go down on him. There is nothing about a foreskin that excuses a lack of personal hygiene. If you can't be honest with him about his body odor "Oh honey, you need to go clean that and then I will make you a very happy man", then you shouldn't be f**king him.

While I would normally say that you shouldn't give what he isn't willing to (i.e. no oral for him if he won't give oral to you), based on personal experience, I still say RUN. If a guy isn't into oral, he will never get into oral. A truly GGG sex partner is EXCITED about pleasuring his/her partner. Finds the experience of pleasuring the other person just as arousing as being pleasured himself. No, I am not kidding. And honey, there are guys out there DYING to give you all the oral you can stand. Hold out for one of those guys.

magsugar13 · January 2012

So, he refuses to give you oral, but expects you to give it to him? And this is OK with you? You think is a great guy huh/ You love him and he is wonderful in all other areas, right?

Then to top it all off he is a grown man who can't clean his dik? Really?

OMG WTF are you doing with this guy?

How old are you?

TarponMonoxide · January 2012

Wow -- where does this guy live -- in a cave?

Do yourself a favor: you and he are sexually incompatible --- find a guy who gives, not just GETS.

He also sounds gross. Ugh....get rid of him.

KFCupcake · January 2012

'nuff said.

loved416 · January 2012

SO says: "Just like some women don't like giving oral, some men don't. There isn't really a way to change this"

Libellulidae333 · January 2012

Personally, I hate to give oral. I've got my own issues with it (TMJ so my jaw hurts like hell after 30 seconds, I HATE the salty taste) but I still do it because my H LOVES it. We compromise, I do it as long as I can as foreplay and he is very appreciative.

TarponMonoxide · January 2012

Not to mention what kind of beasties he will probably pass on to you if you and he are having sex minus a condom.

Yecch. Indeed get rid of him.

artbyallie · January 2012

You need to be with someone whose desires are compatible with your own. I'm not much good at BJs, but H doesn't really care for getting them anyway. He loves eating me out about as much as I like receiving. So that works for us. Get yourself a new (clean!) guy who's willing to go down.

starburst604 · January 2012

It's kind of funny that if a woman posted that her husband really wanted her to give oral and she really hated it, the advice she would get would be something like "Well he has to respect what you're comfortable with, etc, etc.". Here, it's "he sucks for not doing that". Anyway, I do agree that some men just aren't into it while others love it. I've dated both ends of that spectrum. That being said, I couldn't be married to someone that wouldn't do it.

While you might be able to persuade him to try it, perhaps he had a bad experience with it in the past or doesn't feel confident in his technique, you might not ever get him to not consider it a chore. As for him not cleaning the foreskin, just...ick. You are being really nice about that considering he won't go down on you. I love giving and receiving, and I know I would be far less inclined to give if I weren't ever receiving. I guess you have to decide how important this is to you, can you live your life without it?

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magsugar13 · January 2012

starburst604:

It's kind of funny that if a woman posted that her husband really wanted her to give oral and she really hated it, the advice she would get would be something like "Well he has to respect what you're comfortable with, etc, etc.". Here, it's "he sucks for not doing that". Anyway, I do agree that some men just aren't into it while others love it. I've dated both ends of that spectrum. That being said, I couldn't be married to someone that wouldn't do it.

While you might be able to persuade him to try it, perhaps he had a bad experience with it in the past or doesn't feel confident in his technique, you might not ever get him to not consider it a chore. As for him not cleaning the foreskin, just...ick. You are being really nice about that considering he won't go down on you. I love giving and receiving, and I know I would be far less inclined to give if I weren't ever receiving. I guess you have to decide how important this is to you, can you live your life without it?

i guess you missed the part where she says she doesnt like it either because he is dirty? Yet she is still doing it. So, in this case yes he sucks...

oldbugle · January 2012

OP,...I notice that your forum name starts "swahili..." If that means that either you or your man were brought up in an East African tribal society then he is NEVER going to get that you need oral stimulation (or expect him to be clean) because from an early age he has been conditioned to despise feminity on a basic level and he is already doing you a 'favour' by just being with you........Many African tribes and groups simply 'don't do' oral sex for their women since they are taught that it is degrading to their masculinity......

............You could have more problems than mere oral sex to contend with,..Good Luck!

~NB~ · January 2012

Why won't he do it? Does he just assume your junk is as foul smelling and disgusting as his?

rhythmicgoldfish · January 2012

i wonder if he had a bad oral experience maybe he went down on someone who didnt take care of themselves and it was a nasty experience

as for the unclean *** ... tell him upfront but not during or right after sex just talk to him out of the bedroom ... or you could always email him

Dear BF,

i would really like to go down on you but your *** smells like stinky frumunda cheese, please familiarise yourself with the bar of soap that i left in the shower

Love

your GF

starburst604 · January 2012

magsugar13:
starburst604:

It's kind of funny that if a woman posted that her husband really wanted her to give oral and she really hated it, the advice she would get would be something like "Well he has to respect what you're comfortable with, etc, etc.". Here, it's "he sucks for not doing that". Anyway, I do agree that some men just aren't into it while others love it. I've dated both ends of that spectrum. That being said, I couldn't be married to someone that wouldn't do it.

While you might be able to persuade him to try it, perhaps he had a bad experience with it in the past or doesn't feel confident in his technique, you might not ever get him to not consider it a chore. As for him not cleaning the foreskin, just...ick. You are being really nice about that considering he won't go down on you. I love giving and receiving, and I know I would be far less inclined to give if I weren't ever receiving. I guess you have to decide how important this is to you, can you live your life without it?

i guess you missed the part where she says she doesnt like it either because he is dirty? Yet she is still doing it. So, in this case yes he sucks...

No, I acknowledged that in the next paragraph. It's just a general observation about what I see here a lot.

~NB~ · January 2012

starburst604:

It's kind of funny that if a woman posted that her husband really wanted her to give oral and she really hated it, the advice she would get would be something like "Well he has to respect what you're comfortable with, etc, etc.". Here, it's "he sucks for not doing that".

I don't know what specific post you're talking about. In either situation, the couples are incompatible. I'd tell them both the same thing. Anyone who isn't getting reciprocal consideration needs a different partner.

~NB~ · January 2012

Dupe

magsugar13 · January 2012

starburst604:
magsugar13:
starburst604:

It's kind of funny that if a woman posted that her husband really wanted her to give oral and she really hated it, the advice she would get would be something like "Well he has to respect what you're comfortable with, etc, etc.". Here, it's "he sucks for not doing that". Anyway, I do agree that some men just aren't into it while others love it. I've dated both ends of that spectrum. That being said, I couldn't be married to someone that wouldn't do it.

While you might be able to persuade him to try it, perhaps he had a bad experience with it in the past or doesn't feel confident in his technique, you might not ever get him to not consider it a chore. As for him not cleaning the foreskin, just...ick. You are being really nice about that considering he won't go down on you. I love giving and receiving, and I know I would be far less inclined to give if I weren't ever receiving. I guess you have to decide how important this is to you, can you live your life without it?

i guess you missed the part where she says she doesnt like it either because he is dirty? Yet she is still doing it. So, in this case yes he sucks...

No, I acknowledged that in the next paragraph. It's just a general observation about what I see here a lot.

Funny i have been around here for many years and have never noticed that at all. People around here are pretty fair and respond equally to both sexes.

watson wedding2011 · January 2012

KFCupcake:

'nuff said.

I was waiting on a client to pick up the phone and I saw this pic. I could hardly hold it together when she got on the phone. lololololololol!

SKP82 · January 2012

That is so gross that his junk has a distinct odor. And that you still put that disgusting thing in your mouth.

If you are having sex with him without a condom, or even have genital-to-genital contact, you are at risk for UTIs, and I'm sure other unpleasantness.

If he doesn't want to give you oral, you can't make him. I wouldn't tell a guy that he could persuade his blow-job-hating GF that he could convince her to blow him, so I'm not going to tell you that you can or should try to convince him to go down on you.

I really don't know how to tell him to clean his junk in a way that would be subtle, but I definitely wouldn't be sleeping with or sucking his dirty d!ck.

TarponMonoxide · January 2012

SKP82:

That is so gross that his junk has a distinct odor. And that you still put that disgusting thing in your mouth.

If you are having sex with him without a condom, or even have genital-to-genital contact, you are at risk for UTIs, and I'm sure other unpleasantness.

If he doesn't want to give you oral, you can't make him. I wouldn't tell a guy that he could persuade his blow-job-hating GF that he could convince her to blow him, so I'm not going to tell you that you can or should try to convince him to go down on you.

I really don't know how to tell him to clean his junk in a way that would be subtle, but I definitely wouldn't be sleeping with or sucking his dirty d!ck.

All I can think of is that episode of Sex and the City with the spunk that tasted funky... ugh...but this is just plain horrifying. yecch.

SKP82 · January 2012

TarponMonoxide:
SKP82:

That is so gross that his junk has a distinct odor. And that you still put that disgusting thing in your mouth.

If you are having sex with him without a condom, or even have genital-to-genital contact, you are at risk for UTIs, and I'm sure other unpleasantness.

If he doesn't want to give you oral, you can't make him. I wouldn't tell a guy that he could persuade his blow-job-hating GF that he could convince her to blow him, so I'm not going to tell you that you can or should try to convince him to go down on you.

I really don't know how to tell him to clean his junk in a way that would be subtle, but I definitely wouldn't be sleeping with or sucking his dirty d!ck.

All I can think of is that episode of Sex and the City with the spunk that tasted funky... ugh...but this is just plain horrifying. yecch.

Exactly!

l2mbrown · January 2012

I totally agree with the other ladies on this one...your pleasure should be a priority as well...Maybe he knows his isn't clean so he thinks the same of yours.... An easy way I would do it is to suggest taking a shower together before hand so you both know that each other is clean and maybe you could start the foreplay there? Also, Spencers and some other places have really yummy tasting liquids, gels, stuff you can put down there to give it a different taste. My boyfriend likes strawberry so we got some and its improved his willingness to go down there

Hope that helps!

MLC613 · January 2012

Here is what I would do:

TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT!! Just tell him how you feel about both things. Then maybe light some candles, turn off the lights, and take a sexy shower together. Watch each other wash yourselves and then try to fool around right after the shower (that way you're both clean!) see if that helps. Also, get some oral gel and see if that helps, both of you!! My husband is uncircumcised and doesn't have the problem with smelling---look it up, show him how to properly clean it in a sexy way GOOD LUCK!!!

Interro+Bang · January 2012

RULE CHANGE!? Your wee wee stinks and give first before you receive barn yard balls!

Oral Fixation

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