Trouble in Paradise
imoan
member
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I'm going to admit it...
I've experienced my first bout of jealousy when people I know start to have kids. I had been feeling twinges of jealousy for a few months, but not enough to know what it was. I just found out on Facebook that (ex) friends H's (long story) are due in July. She posted the sonogram... and it's official... I'm jealous.
But then again, I got up at 10... went to the vineyard to drink with my friends and have spent the rest of the day playing on the internet and watching Gilmore girls. And I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. Tomorrow, I plan on getting up at 11 and continue my Gilmore girls watching in my feetsie pajamas.
I'm a mess.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Re: I'm going to admit it...
unfortunately, i know this feeling all too well. sorry.
are you trying to have a baby? or waiting to ttc? what's your story?
Waiting to TTC. We were always "no kids, EVER" and then a few years ago changed our minds on that. But we're both scared shytless about the whole prospect so neither of us will pull the trigger, so to speak. My issue is pretty much that I get jealous, but I still love our life soooo much the way it currently is... I don't want it to change.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
yeah, i get this. i had no good reason to be jealous. i was young, my life was/is awesome - lots of travelling, a fantastic job, in school PT, social life, the whole nine yards.
yet, i would get so down when i found out people were pregnant. even people i didn't know! ugh.
we ended up having fertility issues, so at that point, my jealousy was "allowed" (in my head, i mean). blah blah blah. we had a baby last year. having a baby was a lot more fun than i thought it would be! meaning, i always wanted a kid, but i was a little anxious about the work involved (ie: no sleep, not a lot of time to myself, etc)....and it turned out pretty good.
i think the real work is when you have 2 or more....
keep enjoying being without kids. we were married without children for 10 years and it was great.
Shyt Crabby! Your post just made me realize... ESD was in my house a week ago. She used the bathroom while she was here. Our bathroom is right next to our bedroom... where we keep the condoms. I bet that b1tch poked holes in them. I'm going to have to fill them with water to check before using!
And tabernac- you're so right. We've been married for 6 years and I think the thing I'm most terrified of is it not just being "us" anymore. I love "us". LOL! But I know that once you finally dive in, you can't imagine it any other way.
I think my friends need to just stop having kids for a bit. They're SURROUNDING me right now!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I totally did. Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I KNEW IT! (said like Chandler)
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
broc- I'm a woman in crisis!
And the posts about how one impacts your life compared to two makes me feel good. I plan on being one and done because I figured one kid would fit better into mine and H's dynamic.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
At least we're not crazy. Or at least if we're crazy, we have some company!
Enjoy your wine!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I feel like a turd saying so...but I'll say it. right after we had the first one, I wanted another one, and we decided to try when she was 18 months. then when she was about 8-9 months, our life started to adjust back to the way it was, she was easier to manage for me (who was CLUELESS and living on the other side of the country from my family) and I was like WOW. this is so easy and awesome. this is perfect and I don't want to change it.
and so when I started to slow down on the nursing at about 10 months, and she was eating more food, I decided to go on the pill, to avoid any oopses...
I went to the doc, got the prescription, and waited to fill it until my next period started.
and it never did, because I was freaking pregnant again.
but..
I adore my son, it was a hard pregnancy emotionally, because I became so convinced that one was the way to go, and I was screwing up the perfect me/ motherhood balance- and even though I joked about getting pg again while waiting for my period- I was sure it wouldn't happen. but it did.
anyway.
having two is wonderful, and I wouldn't give it up- esp. with them so close and seeing how sweet they are together- but it is an absolutely different life than life with one. I admit that the life i have now, and who I am took a bit of concession and resignation on my part in some weird sense. but I love my life. Im super happy. I anticipate another comfortable adjustment once they're in school and a bit older. I'm also kind of awkward in general, and had kids when I was 30- so maybe it was hard for me to change because I was set in a routine?
That's really awesome insight Edith, thank you.
I know I should never say never. I know plenty of people who are all about "one and done", have that one and then desperately want another. I know you can never really say how you'll feel about that until you actually experience pregnancy and parenthood. But that's the CURRENT plan. And of course, if something were to happen to change that plan, I'm sure I'd be happy in the same way as you Edith. You have to do some re-writing of what you expected your life to be... but in the end, you wouldn't have it any other way.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
yeah, it is amAZING what you can adjust to and learn to cherish- I mean, considering I never even wanted to get married..
but it is all just one thing after another- you don't want kids, you DO- you get pregnant- you're convinced it was the wrong decision- it sucks, it RULES! you have a terrible labor-you want to do it AGAIN! you don't- you do it anyway! babies are hard, momming sicks- babies are sweet you love being a mom!
someone on the bump said (a long time ago) that the onloy kids you regret are the ones you DON'T have (and that's assuming that you don't have any serial killers or psycchopaths or whatever) I don't think everyone should have kids- only if they want to!
but I am a VERY selfish and VERY picky person- it would never occur to me that I'd be suited by motherhood, and yet- I love it.
most days...
( Im gonna speak for tabernac, too- she loves herself! and I've watched her (online) adjusting to motherhood like a natural- very gracefully, and seemingly smoothly.)
You'll make a decision, and you'll end up happy, Im sure of it.
We've told you that same thing like a thousand times imoan. Only I usually include cute pictures too. Quit being such goddamned chickens dudes.
I don't know how to be more convincing than showing you the monkey mini-me yet again. She needs monkey friends other than her drunk governess!
Is that the monkey hat that will be bequeathed to the BearMonklet (you coined that name, by the way... and I love it!)? Shyt, just from this pic alone I'm all "babbbby... NOOOOOOOW!"
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
YES, that's the hat. We've so. been. OVER. this. lol.
You are getting so much side eye from my house right now.
Joaquin can side eye me all she wants.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Aw, imoan, you're not crazy at all. We are in the same boat. I haven't felt the jealousy (good thing, because I'd be a green monster by now), but all the rest of it is exactly what I'm going through. We are so conflicted and it's just not an easy decision to make.
I feel your pain.
And, yes, throw out your condoms and get new ones.
I just lurked into this board for the first time tonight and saw your post.
I just wanted to say that I can totally relate. Even when I was convinced that I never ever wanted children I still got a pang of jealousy when my friends started their families.
I think it was mostly I was jealous of the time I would be losing with them, and apprehensive about the changes our relationships would undergo as a result of the new addition.
Hmmm...I guess maybe I should say it was resentment rather than jealousy.
I can totally relate imoan, I am getting excited at the idea of having a child in the future, but it also seems so overwhelming and I enjoy my relationship with FI so much and our freedom to do whatever we want. I think I'm still a couple years away from putting the "trigger" on this, but I also think I'd probably be okay with having one kid and that's it.
I NEVER thought I'd say that before, but I think I would probably be okay with it.
I'll probably end up with some little azzhole.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Delurking, because I feel your pain. My husband and I originally thought we'd want one kid, then we decided that we like our current lifestyle and our disposable income, and maybe wouldn't have any. We're both "older" (I'll be 37 in a few months, he's 35), and I was totally fine with that since I never really thought I wanted kids anyway. And then I went out to dinner with a co-worker and her adorable baby who WOULDN'T STOP STARING AT ME. I had baby fever for like 3 weeks after that. It sucked.
But then it passed. For now. And in the meantime, I enjoy drinking all the wine I want (a lot), and thinking about the awesome retirement retreat we can buy in Hawaii if we don't have to pay for college, heh.
I'm seriously considering being "one and done" now too. I like the way it is just DH and DS and I, and I don't know that I want that dynamic to change. DS fits well into my lifestyle and I love spending all my time with him and not having to divide my attention. I also feel like I can do a better job of parenting him when I don't have other kids to parent at the same time.
TTA ftw for both of us right now I think. After all that I think I need a margarita lol.