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I used to think he was "it" need advice no where else to get it (long)
Well I'm 22 and stuck, I suppose. Maybe that's too harsh. My SO and I have an 8 month old daughter together, we have only been together for 2 years. Things moved fast with us but that was never a bad thing, or at least I never thought it was until now.
I moved about 8 hours away from all my family to be with him, with the exception of grandparents who live an hour away. Being away from my Mom though, kills me, more so now that I have a child. I've been out making my own way since I was 18, I've always felt and been told I am more mature for my age. I know that I am. So please no flames because I am young. I SAH with DD during the day and I work part time in the evening 3 or 4 nights a week. We currently have one car. So I am literally stuck at home all day.
The real issue is that I just don't feel much of anything anymore. I know I love SO but I just don't feel happy about it anymore. There are things that just bug the living crap out of me with him nowadays, I can't even have a discussion with him about any of my feelings towards our relationship without it being completely turned around and then all the sudden it's a pitty party for him! Then I spend the remainder of my day/night, or even part of the next day trying to bring him out of the funk that somehow became my fault that he got there. This behavior happens almost anytime we have an argument, he becomes verbally self abusive, saying he is stupid and a piece of ***, an ***. Now he did this earlier in our relationship a few times but it never bothered me, but then I started to wonder if it was all just a show. I'm now convinced it is. We are having big time money issues right now (mortgage, credit cards, misc. stuff) all his, I pay my bills and unfortunately can't help pay his. I know that causes lots of strain on our relationship. I think we would really benefit from seeing a counselor but we just can't afford it. He needs to see one just for his own issues. Arguments not pertaining to our relationship end in him throwing temper tantrums like a 3 year old, and I can't help but feel like I am taking care of two children. Sometimes I wonder if because we lost "us" time if that is and will hurt(ing) us in the long run. He has a good job (IBEW) he is smart when it comes to work and material things, even money, he claims to have great logic, true, with material things anyway. It's always a battle of who works harder and who needs more of a break than the other. He would never tell me out loud that he thinks he works harder than I do, but he has said in so many words that he does. I always just let it go and go about my daily tasks which are clearly far less tiring than his. Maybe some are, but I also have a full time job as a mother, house cleaner, chef, encourager, etc. and then I have a part time money making job. He has to take care of DD for 3 hours. Which he still manages to complain about.
I'm just tired of his childish tantrums and all the acts, let me just add that he will be 25 in a few months. We were all just recently sick and SO claimed to be MORE sick than me even though it had already been a week and I woke up with aches and fever, so guess who got to lay in bed ALLL day? Nope not me. I gladly took care of DD, because I know she needs me. Why doesn't he feel that way?
His family is less than willing to babysit even for a minute. Wouldn't
want them to anyways if they feel that way. My family would be more than
willing to, and so are my grandparents but of course I can't just run
there for a week and get a break (no car, job). I can't move back home,
what a huge mess that would be I'm sure, and I'm not sure that is what I
really want. I'm at a loss and I just don't feel like working on anything anymore because I've tried and we've talked and talked about it, he said things would get better but they don't. It's always the same. I'm tired of stroking his ego, when I was the one hurt in the first place. I just feel like I am "tried" out. So I just swallow my pride and put a smile on, but that's not right either, I know. I feel like I have no options and unless I keep on truckin' I will be in a worse position. I need to go back to school and be able to make my own way, like I had always planned. I use to think he was the one but now I'm not so sure.
Re: I used to think he was "it" need advice no where else to get it (long)
Wait. You're not married, and you feel "stuck?" You're not stuck. You can leave. Yes, your life will always be intertwined with his because you have a child together, but you can find happiness elsewhere. There's no point in staying with someone who does nothing to make you feel good or better your life in some way. You are getting no benefits from this relationship.
I get that you love him, but loving someone is not enough for a healthy, productive, or happy relationship. You're doing it all on your own already anyway, why not just leave the drama behind and do it on your own (or possibly even with the help of your family) somewhere else?
2013 Calendars and More!
Ditto low cost or free counseling. There are tons of places with sliding scales.
But what do you mean about your bills and his bills? I don't understand.
Overall, I understand you feel more mature for your age and everyone told you that, but this is why so many of us say take your time and grow up a bit before having the marriage and family. Financial and emotional stability take time. Even when you are mature for your age, it is still such a huge adjustment and change.
You two need help. he needs help.
I wish you luck. You are going to have to work hard at this.
It is possible that I am, but I feel like that is both of our faults for letting it happen. I think it has a lot to do with having a baby and all that. I wouldn't change that for a second. I think I just need my own life aside from him. That seems to be the only thing I'm allowed to do is hang out with him. Even hanging out with girlfriends is a fight. That is the crap that makes me tired of him.
This sounds like abuse.
You two need counseling ASAP. If he refuses then I would leave, without any regrets and know that I gave it a try.
You are young and you are not married to this guy. He is isolating you from friends and family, and you know that his way of dealing with arguments is manipulative. Yes, you will be tied to him through your child, but you don't have to be in an unhappy relationship. Sorry you are going through this.
I agree with winged and Kuus. He's moved you away from your family and doesn't want you seeing friends. You talk about what he "allows" you to do. These are the first steps an abuser uses to cut off any ties his victim has to anyone that may help her realized how f'ed up the situation is and leave.
You do not need this man. Staying with him is not better for your child. Get out while you still can and before he becomes violent (if he hasn't already).
2013 Calendars and More!
This is not "verbally self-abusive" it's manipulative and emotionally abusive to you.
Crap...I Mean Crafts
Agreed. It's his way to control you and keep you around. Emotional abusers do this all the time. They guilt you into staying. It's a way to keep control. Get help and get out.
Bwahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!
::GASP::
Bwahahahahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Because THAT is so mature.
I agree with the above posters. If you have tired of the relationship, you should move on. It does make it harder with your DD, but there is always a way to make that work if you and your SO make the effort. It seems like he isn't supportive of you being an individual, and if you think he irritates you now with his controlling ways, it will only get worse. I ended up resenting my XH because he would complain constantly about any and all of my interests outside of him. Someone who doesn't encourage you to be an individual is not supportive of you. You deserve to find someone who encourages your individual growth, as well as growth in your relationship.
Also, in my opinion, age determines nothing. Life teaches you a lot, no matter what age you are. For the fact you see your relationship and it's faults shows your not naive to what's happening! Good luck! Make sure your making decisions that are good for you and DD. If that doesn't include SO, that is ok.