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holy moly. help????
Sorry for the extra question marks, MD. I'm in panic mode.
Aunt Flo is 10 days late. I took 2 tests, and guess what?! I'm flippin pregnant. We weren't trying, we weren't considering it, we really don't want kids. Now I don't know what the heck to do. I know I need to find an OBGYN, but aside from that, I'm terrified.
Since I figured I was just off cycle from the stress of moving and the MS diagnosis. I haven't really been drinking (maybe 3 beers all year) but I have been smoking pot.. what if I already damaged the kid? I feel horrible for being upset I'm pregnant, because I know a few ladies here are trying really hard.. and a good friend is trying really hard.. and here I am with an "oopsie" baby.
I don't even know if this post makes sense. I feel like I'm in a panic babble.
Re: holy moly. help????
First off you have got to calm it on down, girl. I know you are freaked, but you're only 10 days late. Stop smoking pot now (not helping with the calm down part, I know). You didn't know you were pg so you did nothing wrong and from what I read you haven't caused any damage.
Plus, you said you "really don't want kids". If you're considering abortion who cares about the pot smokage. Sorry if that sounds a litte "la de dah", but it's true.
I know this didn't come at a good time for you and I'm really sorry for that, but whatever you choose - it will work out. Repeat after me...It will work out. It will work out!
I agree with Kare and Nola. Take some deep breaths and try think about this. Get yourself to Planned Parenthood for a test and to talk to someone and then sit down with J and decide what this means for you both and what you want to do. There is no shame in an oops baby if that is the route you choose to take.
ETA: There is also no shame in deciding to abort either if that is what is best for you.
Call Planned Parenthood and make an appointment as soon as possible and then when they confirm talk with J about all of your options.
And I know I may get flamed (I'm certaintly not saying abortion isn't an option because it's your choice) however especially with you doing the egg donation and knowing how many families struggle to have children adoption is an option as well...many familiies will pay for all medical expenses as well.
But when you go to PP or just find an OB talk with them about all of your options.
GL
give the baby to me!! okay, i'm totally joking.
*** happens. you've been under a lot of stress and...*** happens. no judgement.
i'm confused about the pot, too. first, if you're keeping it then i really don't think you have anything to worry about. it's so early it probably has no impact whatsoever (although the doc can confirm). but LOTS of women drink and smoke in the early days of pregnancy and are fine. i would think pot would be the same. but if you're thinking of abortion then of course it's a non-issue. and if you didn't want kids that doesn't mean you can't change your mind... the timing might be terrible but it's still doable.
btw: multiple questions marks totally warranted in this scenario!!!!! (and exclamation points).
and props for having sex when you're going through the MS diagnosis and everything!!
Dude, no flames. That's certainly a big option as well.
I agree with this! GL
I know abortion is always an option, but one that I'm opposed to doing. I'm fine with it in situations of need (rape, incest, cancer, extreme dire straights..), but notsomuch as a form of BC because I was careless.. I don't know if I could do that. J is off today, so we've been talking about everything to do. We went out for breakfast, and had to walk by an elementary school with 1st graders outside for recess.. I just broke down and cried. I'm a spiritual person, and this summer I had a long, introspective meditation by a lake. During the meditation, I saw a woman, who told me to stop drinking, smoking, partying and eating meat because I was going to be with child within a year. Now, here I am 6 months later.. pregnant. I didn't heed "my" own advice.I just feel so dumb. And we're moving into a small, one bedroom apartment. There isn't even room for a nursery. I also know what it feels like to be an oopsie baby, and my biggest fear is becoming my mother. I'm worried about resenting the child, and alternately I'm worried about this being my one shot (I've been told that carrying will be difficult, and I'll likely be on bedrest.. being younger is probably better for the situation) I've had a miscarriage before, and it was terrible. I didn't want that baby, but the loss was terrible. I don't know if I can go through it again.. even if it is my choice.
I'm making an appt for Wednesday to see an OB. Hopefully I can get some guidance.
I completely understand your feelings on abortion...I do not think down on anyone for doing it (helped support my friend twice who the situation just warrented it at the time) but I am more of with you on that.
I actually was going to come back and write and then saw your update so I will touch on two things.
I'm glad that you have an appointment with an OB because no matter what decision you make I was going to say an OB is probably better than PP (not that they're not qualfiied) but you maybe able to get more answers and understanding with the MS stuff and having a child (it is doable but they may have a high risk doc that you will see) and so that makes me feel better.
And onto the nursery (one in nyc I'm sure that happens all.the.time) and going on with what fraire said and I know other girls have co-slept we did it with Ava from about 3.5-8 months because she just wouldn't sleep in her own bed...eventually we did cry it out because I was nursing and she would wake way too much to feed with me there and I'm such a light sleeper I was worried about her even in a safe co-sleeper bed (you can get those starting at like 30 bucks) but even my OB who has 3 kids still has her 1.5 year old in her room. I think she does have a crib in there but you can easily do that co-sleeper, pack n play, or a crib in your room and be fine.
I think you and J will be able to get more answers on Wednesday and then you can discuss things more in whatever you decide.
Don't beat yourself up over choices you should've made. I got blitzed the night before I found out I was pregnant with Ava (found out at 5 weeks exactly) because I didn't believe I would get pregnant as soon as we did). But besides the baby I think this just maybe a new beginning for you with changing your habits for you body anyways.
Funny where my mind was at 10am.. I was seriously worried about the nursery. I know something will work out.
I'm leaning towards keeping the baby. J is actually very happy about the news, just shitshocked.. as am I. Last night I got seriously blitzed, but 'm guessing that since it's so early, it'll be fine. I did the math, and I'm 21 days preggo. How did I do that math? It was the last time we had sex, and the only time since my last period. So, yeah. Now I'm questioning having one last beer before the end of my life for the next 9 months.. but I won't. I'm actually happy, just mad at myself for not being careful. On that note.. screw charting! I was to monitor so I knew when to be more careful... and yeah.
I'm late chiming in but I think you're being really mature about it. I don't want kids and don't know what I would do if I found out I was pregnant. Go to the OB and then give it some time to make a decision. Most of what I looked up said that women who smoke pot are more likely to have an early miscarriage, but there's no major developmental effects. So don't beat yourself up too much.
Let us know how the appointment goes.
everyone else has already given you really great advice...so i'll just say that I will be thinking about you, no matter what decision you make. i'll be here to listen to whatever it is you need to talk about throughout the process...no judgement here.