How much do you complain to DH about his family?

sara_c · January 2012

Assuming they drive you mad? I don't do this much although generally DH knows how I feel about most things.

But recent events have me fed up with their wanting us to give give give and while they take, take, take. I'm just over it and frankly today it has put mein a foul mood. DH and I share pretty much everything, but I'm second guessing whether or not I should mention this to him. At the same time, I feel like I can't quite take this much more and I'm tired of being forced to put on a smile and pretend I'm just fine with this occuring.

Thoughts?

stella_blu · January 2012

I'm known to speak my mind about and do so too much about DH's family. It's gotten me in trouble with one SIL in particular but the rest of the family is pretty ok with it. I do catch myself venting too much though and try to reel it in. I also try to say that this is just how I feel and he doesn't need to agree or feel the same way but that I need to let him know my perspective. I hope you can figure it out!

asilsjf · January 2012

Misery loves company. I complain when he does, but I make it escalate. If he complains about something his mom does (usually the case), I usually chime in with my own related complaint. Sigh.

WonderRed · January 2012

If I didn't make everything about his family 100% sunshine and roses I would get screamed at for hours. Even commenting that MIL needed to buy milk when she went to the store would somehow be twisted to mean "I hate all of you freaks and I wish Serbia had won the war" which was a lot of fun. After a while, I just pretty much never said anything about anything until the day I said, "I rented my own place to live and I'm filing for divorce."

RoxBride · January 2012

I chhose to vent elsewhere. When we can laugh about it together that is one thing...but it just wouldn't feel right to rage on his family unless I needed him to specifically do something.

AugustBrideCO · January 2012

For the most part, I keep my mouth shut. Zip it!

If he starts the conversation, fine, but other than that I just try to let it go.

Jeep Doll · January 2012

I speak my mind a LOT about the ILs. Christmas time especially. I have gotten better over the years, but it was really bad around our wedding. I'm trying to improve and "pick my battles".

Pesky · January 2012

I usually only do so when relating a story where I have handled the situation, in part so he is aware and in part so he knows the stance I've taken, or, as Rox mentioned, to get him to do something. Otherwise, I generally don't. I think if the situation is coming to a head here where you need to establish some boundaries, I would definitely talk to your DH and make sure you are both on the same page because he needs to do the establishing.

azuremama · January 2012

If it's just something they do that's annoying me, I mostly keep it to myself. I would hate it if DH complained about my family to me, so I try not to do it either.

If you have something specific or you want to make changes to protect yourself and your family (not just physically, but also mentally or emotionally), I think it's okay to bring this up. Or just to pull back from the family for a while until you're a bit recharged. I'd still try to do it in a fairly nice way, though.

You might want to take a few days to think about whether/how to bring it up.

DruidPrincess · January 2012

I've stopped because it's all ground already covered many times over. I do, however, bring up my tireless endurance if he ever tries to overkill the crap my family brings forth. Keeps it balanced.

silly.goose · January 2012

Umm... a lot. Take that for what it's worth though, I'm now a divorced nestie. The weird part? I really love and miss XH's family - they drove me nuts, but I miss being involved in their lives. Weird, huh? Enough about me though, how about I answer your question.

I think a good way of approaching the subject would be to say "When we spend time with your family, I've noticed blah blah blah - how does that make you feel?" Open lines of communication before you gripe. He will probably be willing to start a conversation that doesn't feel so confrontational on your part. Good luck - talking about issues with the family is really tough sometimes.

MrsKelleyT · January 2012

RoxBride:
I chhose to vent elsewhere. When we can laugh about it together that is one thing...but it just wouldn't feel right to rage on his family unless I needed him to specifically do something.

This...and RoxBride has heard it all from me...lol

I won't say that I never say anything but i'm very careful about what I say in front of him unless I need him to do something about it because even though he knows his father is a very immoral man, he's still his father. I totally get it because my parents get on my last nerve but they're still my family who raised me and provided for me so I don't want others saying negative things about them.

DownToEarthGirl · January 2012

I tell him if I get frustrated, but I don't really complain at all b/c I like them and don't disagree with them often. I guess I'm lucky after reading some of the responses.

SkiHorse · January 2012

MrsKelleyT:
I won't say that I never say anything but i'm very careful about what I say in front of him unless I need him to do something about it... I totally get it because my parents get on my last nerve but they're still my family who raised me and provided for me so I don't want others saying negative things about them.

This is good advice. DH is better about taking this approach than I am. I used to view DH complaining about his parents as a license for me to do it, too. I'm starting to realize that there has to be a double standard. You can complain more about your own family than about your in-laws.

How much do you complain to DH about his family?

Re: How much do you complain to DH about his family?

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