Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I told him I wanted a divorce last night
There was no big "thing" that caused this. We've just grown apart -- or, rather, I've changed and he hasn't. I think a lot of it goes back to us getting married young (22-23). I'm a different person now and I am just no longer happy in my marriage. I've done marriage counseling (alone, he did not want to participate) and that is ultimately what led me to this decision.
What's next?
I know I actually need to file. I know we need to figure out to do with all of our stuff. Who do I/should I tell? Any other advice?
Re: I told him I wanted a divorce last night
How did he take it?
It sounds like you don't have kids, so that should make things a little easier.
I'd look into your state laws and figure out what you need to do next. Some states require a separation agreement and a certain number of months of living separately before you can file. Your next step should be learning about what you need to do to make things final.
Ditto. You may want to consult a lawyer to give you advice on how to protect yourself and your assets. I was able to do this free of charge. GL!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
It was a fairly calm conversation. I expected him to explode as he's had anger issues in the past. He kept trying to convince me to change my mind and I just got a text message telling me how heartbroken he is. I'm not a heartless person, I want the best for him, so this sucks. I hate that I'm causing him to feel like this. But, I know I need to be strong as I really do believe this is for the best.
No kids.
I've done some research already and I do not believe my state has any waiting period before filing.
Glad he hasn't freaked (yet). Sometimes explosive emotions come out when you least expect it, though! Be careful.
If there's no waiting period, then I'd go ahead and start the filing process. Depending on how complicated / intertwined your assets are, you might even be able to do it yourself.
you can sometimes find lots of resources and example forms on your county court website. i called ours and they sent me the forms i would need and directions on filing, etc.
i had already at that point got the forms on line ($89 for the divorce complaint, affidavits, service papers, etc, and MSA) we had agreed on everything and so i wrote it up and we had it all notarized and i filed with our court. we didn't need lawyers since it was amicable enough and i was confident enough in what i had written up.
we were lucky, there was no waiting period, so i filed and 10 dyas later was officially divorced.
we did have a house together, so after the divorce was final i had to go through doing a quit claim deed since i was keeping the house...if you have more assets than we did or a more complicated dispersion of said assets then i'd definately at least talk to a lawyer.
OP, your situation sounds almost exactly like mine! I did pretty much everything that DDD did, except for seeing the divorce lawyer. On our state website, there was all the papers needed to file the divorce and all the steps. We were able to agree on everything and didn't need to involve a lawyer. I think it only cost us the $300 filing fee.
I think it's best for everyone involved to file and get a seperation agreement asap. Once you know who will get what, then I strongly reccomend one of you moving out. Even when things are amicable, living with someone you are divorcing can really wear on you emotionally. I also agree with Only that while he may be calm now, his anger may surface when you least expect it. The longer you continue to live together, the more likely you are to rub each other the wrong way.
As far as who to tell and when, that is up to you, but let your friends and family know what you expect. If you don't want them spreading the news to other people, or talking about it on FB, tell them.
I appreciate all the advice.
I found the forms online and have started to look them over. As of right now I think we can keep things amicable - I hope this continues. We have some complications with houses, etc, but I plan to sit down and really come up with a plan tonight. I've already mentally gone over the separation of assets so I'm hoping this isn't a horrible struggle.
I've told a number of my close friends and talked to my mom earlier today. They are all very supportive and, interestingly enough, not at all surprised.