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So fed up with breast feeding (long, negative, whiny vent)
I'm sure I sound like a broken record because its all I talk about lately...but seriously this is so freaken hard! When S was born he had difficulty latching due to a tight jaw so we had occupational therapy done. It seemed to help for a while. But lately I still don't feel we have a good latch. In addition he cluster feeds every day..normally in the morning we spend about 4 hours or so feeding on and off. Today it's been pretty much all day long since 8:30AM.
The cluster feeding wouldn't be so bad except that apparently I also have fast let down or over supply. So a lot of the time (not always though) when he eats my milk sprays out so much that he chokes on it. So when this happens he pulls off and starts crying. The LC told me to pump off the spray until it stops and then feed him. Well that's all well and good, but it sucks sitting there pumping like a milk cow for 15 minutes while your poor baby screams his head off because all he wants to do is eat. Then I finally get him back on and he nurses for 5 minutes and starts screaming again. So sometimes I pump a second time and NOTHING comes out...either that or even more spray comes out the second time. WTF. This has happened a few times now.
In addition because of the improper latch and fast letdown, he has been wicked gassy. He will scream because I think he gets so gassy it hurts him. He burps and will cry because I'm thinking that also hurts him when he burps or it scares him. Either way it's horrible to see him crying like that on top of all the other crying he's already doing.
I've been working with the LC's and they suggested (like I mentioned above) pumping off teh spray (let down?)and also block feeding and leaning back when I feed him. None of it seems to be helping though and me and the baby are both just worn out and frustrated and just cry together a lot of the time. Oh and did I mention my nipples are turning white and hurt like hell? I cry when he latches on to the left one because I'm in such pain on that side. I'm getting the nipple shield back out I think.
Twice now I've given up and gave him a bottle of pumped milk. It was so incredibly awesome to be able to feed my baby without him crying and screaming and for me to not be in pain...although I did miss the closeness/bonding part of BF-ing.
With all that being said. It's not bad all the time. Sometimes he feeds and everything goes perfect. He latches on eats and is done in 20 minutes and we enjoy our time together.
Anyways, there is no point to this. I just really needed to vent. I'm going to continue to work with the LC's and check out the support group at the hospital for help. However, tonight we're having a rough time so he'll probably get a bottle of pumped milk later on.
Re: So fed up with breast feeding (long, negative, whiny vent)
Don't take this the wrong way, as I am totally encouraging you to BF and do what makes you and S happy.
However, IF pumping and then bottle feeding the BM is the least stressful for you both, why don't you continue that? at least until something changes (ie, a month down the road, trying latching etc again to see if things have changed).
I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to BF but I had no supply. Most everyone knows that I tried super duper hard for 10 days and cried all the time because I couldn't do it. And she wasn't getting enough to eat. We went to strictly formula and it was the best thing we could have done. It let DH get some time with her during feedings and I didn't feel solely responsible for her welfare/nutrition. Switching to FF totally let me enjoy my baby more.
There are other ways of bonding, ie skin to skin contact. Lots of times I'd shut the curtains in the living room and watch tv topless, cuddling with her. It was so nice.
(wow, that got long, sorry)
I really have been thinking about it. I'm going to give it some more time or maybe do a combo of both bottle and breast. Good point about there being other ways to bond.
I am sorry you are having a tough time. Those first 2-4 weeks can be SO difficult, maybe not for everyone but I know for me they were and we had a pretty easy time with it compaired to others. It is so new to both of you and does not come as naturally to everyone as you would think. No one told me how much it would hurt, like really, really hurt!! I remember slamming my foot into the ground when he would latch those first few weeks because it hurt so freaking bad. BUT every day it got a little easier and one day you will realize that you don't even have to think about it anymore. I used my nipple shield for at least a 4-6 weeks, my nipples were bruised and raw there was no way I was latching him on like that without that sheild! Both my kids weaned very easily from the shield, I just took it away and they were fine. He will get the hang of it and will be a pro before you know it ((hugs))
Sorry you are having a hard time, if your nipples are in really rough shape ask for a rx for triple nipple compound, it is amazing for cracks and other nipple issues related to poor latch.
Also I found some of the positions if you google laid back breastfeeding to be more comfortable. Hang in there momma.
Breastfeeding has definitely been the hardest thing about being a new mom for me. I can't believe like someone else said, that something so natural can be so difficult. It's incredible.
DD has latch issues and we JUST weaned off the nipple shield. She was a sleepy baby too so the first month was torture and I was trying to BF, then I had to pump and didn't get enough and had to supplement with formula. I was told it would get better by 4 weeks and 1 day (from the hospital LC) but it really was a struggle for so long.
Do what you have to do to not be as stressed. I agree with Jess that if it helps to pump for a while and feed that way, then try that. Also, Kristy suggested a compound ointment-- it's APNO (all purpose nipple ointment) and INCREDIBLE!!! LOVE that stuff. Your OB should be able to call a RX in for you.
We are here for you! It seems like a lot of us have had some crazy BF struggles. You are an amazing mom no matter what!
Oh Andrea...hugs to you.
My advice...
Do what you need to do for you both to be happy. If it means pump and bottles, I think that's okay. If it's something else, so be it. The most important thing is to embrace and enjoy this time. Do what you need to do for each of you to fall in love with each other.
And remember if doesn't have to be all or nothing and no matter what you decide to do, know you're making the best choice for the two of you. You can nurse as little as once a day or as much as every feeding. And if you can change the plan depending on how he's doing and how you're feeling...you know what the two of you need best. Just look at each feeding as they come and decide what you both need for a happy, successful feeding. I've never made enough to nurse exclusively, but because I really wanted to, I kept it up and can still enjoy nursing today. But others feel that they're better with just pumping or just going with formula. Trust your mommy instincts and vent away if you'd like.
I was reading online earlier about constant cluster feeding. One website mentioned babies who have a bad latch may cluster feed because they are not sucking efficiently. I'm going to make an appointment with the LC (since tomorrow's support group will most likely be cancelled due to weather). I'm thinking fixing the latch will solve a lot of our problems. I had mentioned the constant cluster feeding to one of the LC"s the other day and she said "Wow!! 3 hours?!" and I said "uh, yeah isn't that normal" She said "well sometimes it is" ....so that wasn't too reassuring to me. LOL I'm going to make the appointment with the other LC that has been a bit more helpful to me and talk to her about the constant cluster feeds too.
Thanks for all the support, ladies. It sounds like a lot of you seemed to have issues too with bf-ing, which is unfortunate, but it also makes me feel better at least about my own struggles.
DH gave S a bottle of breast milk around 8PM. I slept from 7ish-11. I woke up at 11 when he brought S in for bed. That's the longest I've slept since we were in the hospital. It was awesome and I feel so much better. He said he loved giving S the bottle and S took it really well and didn't have any gas like he does when he has been bf-ing. I think we'll definitely be incorporating pumped milk more into our routine at least until we get things figured out!
APNO is the shiz-nit, no kidding. It changed my BFing world completely. Between that, a couple of days of Gentian Violet and taking Grapefruit Seed Extract, I was able to make it over some really hard early stages.
I had a lot of similar struggles to you in the first couple of weeks with Will and it was hard, not so much physically, but the emotional frustration and hurt was exhausting. You are spot on with giving S a bottle and taking a breath. I have a severely inverted nipple on one side, and my LC recommended that I pump from that side (since I couldn't feed, and every attempt to bring the nipple out was horribly painful & caused cracking) to work on my supply. It got the point that I was pumping on both sides after feeding Will on one, and would give him supplemental bottles. My LC said that as long as he was thriving, and we were both cool with it, to keep it up and to this day it's still what we do. Is it the easiest way? No. But it works for us. You have to do whatever you need to do for the two of you, and if that means making up your own rules, then go for it. Your gut will tell you what's right.
Take a deep breath, keep working at your routine, I'm sure you'll hit your stride and a rhythm that will work out beautifully for you and S both. You're doing a great job, mama!
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware; joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. -Henry Miller
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that totally makes sense. Latch issues are very hard. I think Ben was a bit tongue tied which made the first few weeks really hard. The nipple shield kept us going for a few months. It gets a little easier everyday, although at the time I thought I would be stuck in that place forever and saw no hope of it getting better. It does though
Just make sure you are eating, drinking and sleeping the best you can. I remember totally forgetting to take care of myself and I was so dehydrated that I didn't make tears when I cried. I glad the bottle feeding last night worked. It's amazing how just a few hours of sleep can make you feel like a new person.
Jake blowing out the candle at Katie's coming home party
Katie Belle
Kristen, Chad, Jake, Katie & Sadie the Wonderdog, est. 6/17/06
There is one that I was going to go to today but it's cancelled due to the weather. The next one doesn't meet for a few weeks, so I'm just going to make an appointment with a LC in the meantime. They have been helping me over the phone, but I at least want to get some face to face time so I can get help with the latch. I think that will be a good step for us! I'm going to have DH go too, so he can help me with the latch at home.
This is what I was thinking. Maybe when he's a little bigger your supply will have evened out or he can take in more milk more quickly or whatever. But the important thing is to keep him fed and comfortable and to keep you both from being stressed to the max. And to keep your nips from falling off. If that means you feed him from a bottle what you'd be feeding him from the boob and have to snuggle a little more to make up for it, then so be it. I mean, it's super that he's getting breastmilk, right? If you were feeding him from a bottle that had a huge nipple hole and was causing these problems, you wouldn't hesitate to find a new bottle, right? So, as crass as this sounds, think of your boob as a vessel and focus on the fact that you have other options to get him the good stuff even if it's from a different vessel for now.
Wow, that was rambly. And I don't have a kid, so take that for what it's worth, I guess.
I'm not sure if this will help you but google side lying nursing... it literally saved my life. It helped with latch issues and you lie down (so nighttime nursing is soooo much easier). It has been my favorite thing ever. For some reason, I think latching is easier for them in that position too.
ETA: we went thru some major cluster feeding too-- I ended up finding my sanity in going out and doing things. I went out every day and just kept busy. With doing that, she wasn't demanding feeding every 20 minutes... I spent an entire day with my boob in her mouth and she would fall asleep and I'd remove it, only to have her wake up and scream to be fed. I knew that if I was out and about, she would be sleeping (in the car or walking around) and then she wouldn't be constantly demanding. Clusterfeeding is no fun. I kept myself busy and it kept me sane (and happy).
Sorry this isn't going smooth. I really think the support group would help you. Have seen a LC one on one or just over the phone? It is one thing to read the support we give on here but to sit with a group of nursing mothers is another thing. I remember wincing every time Abe would latch on and I remember the white nipples. Ouchie.
Have you tried gas drops? How about moving his little legs in a bicycle motion to get the gas moving? I found that putting Abe on my knee belly down and bouncing him while patting his back would get the gas moving too.
For something so natural breast feeding is TON of work and commitment. I swear to you that it gets so much better and easier.
I agree with so much that's already been said: meet with an LC in person, go to support groups (my hospital has a weekly group, and it was invaluable for us- weekly weight checks, comfort in numbers, free advice from an expert, etc.), don't pump as long before offering the breast (and the pump's suction will make you spray anyway, so don't use that as your guide. In 15 minutes, you've probably almost emptied your breast - I pump at work for only 10 minutes a time).
APNO/"triple nipple ointment" is a miracle! I keep it with me at all times, 8 months and counting. I still have struggles with white nipples (heating pad helps) and the pain, and we used a nipple shield for a very long time. I had to pump and use it to supplement the next feeding from day 2 - still in the hospital. Luckily all the nurses at the birthing center in my hospital are BF trained and there's a LC on duty 8 to 3:30 every single day. I promised myself I wouldn't give up, even if it meant pumping every bottle for DS. I went thru hell with BFing, but my goal was 1 year of it. Someone pointed out to me at Christmas that I only had about 4 months until I met my goal - I hadn't even realized how far I had made it, because I was so focused on each and every day.
One thing that's obviously easier said than done is: don't stress about it. Stress will negatively affect your supply. Distract yourself when pumping - maybe try to do it ahead of when you think S will want to eat (which I know is totally unpredictable at this point, but...) At some point, S will be much more efficient at eating and this may all become a silly memory of being a brand new mom.
Clearly, you've got a lot of support and great advice and sympathy in us, but I can't say enough for meeting with someone in person to help with latch. Many of the holds I learned and read about and researched just didn't work for us - DS was too long and I'm petite. I couldn't do side lying for months because he'd kick my thighs and rip himself off the latch - ouch! Now, it's one of the best positions, and a life saver for night feedings!
Hang in there, and know that whatever decision you make, it's YOUR decision.
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!
I was just re-reading and saw this, and wanted to second the side-lying. This is actually what saved us, this was what made nursing finally click for him. I think he got stressed out with the holding and adjusting and positioning, and when I started side-lying, he was relaxed and just figured it out. Of course it made nursing in out of the house difficult for a while, because I really couldn't get him to nurse without lying down, but eventually it got easier and we were able to sit up finally