Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o re: Son of A...post re: XH/X-SO excuses
So the post below got me thinking, what was the craziest excuses or excuses that your X ever came up with to try to cover their asss? Here's a few gems from XH:
-when I found a hotel room charge on his bank statement he said he'd booked the room for us but then we'd gotten in a huge fight and he decided not to tell me about the surprise romantic evening. Apparently though he'd neglected to cancel the room. And I always found it strange that the "romantic night" was planned for a hotel less than ten minutes from our house.
-when I found condoms in his truck, he said they were for "self pleasure". I guess it's less messy that way? And apparently he needed a variety pack for added "self pleasure".
-when I found out he'd been texting another woman he said it was because she gave him marital advice. Hmmm, marital advice at 3am, and she must have wanted a face to face counseling sess because she said "when are you cuming over?" She must've been better at her marriage counseling than she was at spelling.
Re: s/o re: Son of A...post re: XH/X-SO excuses
When I found a shirt belonging to a female that wasn't mine while visiting him for his bday, he said that it was his ex-wife's that got packed up with our belongings when we moved to GA. For being 2 years old it was in awesome shape, even looked brand new, smh!
When I found the 2 different numbers under his best friends name, I discovered that one of them matched up to the girl in his unit who he claims they were just friends. He said he did that so I wouldn't get upset or think he was up to something.
The need to go out every weekend was covered by doing "barrack checks", later I realized that there were no barrack checks. Oh he was checking barracks but they were females.
Then he lied telling me that one of the females in his unit needed help because her husband was beating her. Then she had someone break in and there were a million other excuses as to why he had to go over.
Oh the excuses were hysterical to me. I remember writing a blog post about some of them.
* "I am talking to a customer." Really a customer for your construction business at 11:40 pm. Oh and the customer hasn't used your services in three years now is texting you at 11:40 pm. Guess he forgot I did the billing.
* "I booked the room for my Dad because he did not want my Mom to know about their anniversary get away" A get away at the hotel that less than I think a 2 star, is not in the best part of town, and has ZERO significance in their relationship.
* "I'm going to the gym." Oh did we not just get home from our daily work out at the gym ten minutes ago. And you hate the gym.
* "I wanted to help out a family at my work so I paid for them to have dinner out." Did you go with them? No. Okay how would a family of six have a dinner there for less than $25. Ummm I don't think the kids ate. Ummm okay.
The excuses were flipping priceless.
One afternoon, my ex went to NYC for a work trip, which was frequent (he traveled about once a week). That night, when he got there, he called me saying "Weird, I just saw T outside Penn Station" and that was basically all he had to say.......T is a gay male friend of mine I grew up with who does music and is bicoastal between LA and NYC. You never know where he's gonna be. Anyway, he was a groomsman in our wedding. So, that was that....
Then, a week later, I see an email (over his shoulder on the couch one night) from T. I said "Oh, T emailed you? I thought you guys didn't talk that night in NYC?" and he was like "well, we didn't but I emailed him" and then he showed me the email......it was something like "hey, sorry I didn't say hello when I saw you, I was shocked to see you....blah blah blah" and T wrote back something about how he was weirded out seeing M with a woman at Penn Station and thought it was shady that M didn't say hi. So.....I said "WTF is up with this??" he said it was a woman he was going to share a cab with from the train station that he had met on the train. That story was complete BS and I knew it. He had been weird for about 2 weeks and this was confirmation for me to perk up my eyes & ears....2 weeks later, I found the texts on his phone and it turns out, this woman was the OW from Craigslist (KLASSY!) and they had a romantic getaway together for the night....OH and they stayed at the chic boutique hotel M & I would stay at every time we went to NYC---so weird!
People always ask me "Why didn't you call T after that email and investigate?" and I didn't cuz while I knew the story was BS, I wasn't quite ready to believe it yet....and if I called and heard more details, I knew it'd be decision time.....oh well, God caught up w/ me 2 weeks later and made it VERY clear and unavoidable!
Ya know...I swore up and down that X wasn't cheating, but I found texts from a CW on my X's phone and they were talking about 13 hours a day (both cops) and texting. This CW was WAY older and hideous (not that it matters what she looks like) but he told me the exact.same.thing. He said that he was getting advice regarding our divorce. And that was the first time in our marriage that divorce was even mentioned.
He also had weird charges on his credit card. When I asked him about the charges, he said he paid for everyone (his cops friends) and they gave him cash to pay him back. When asked for the cash, so I can pay the cc bill, he didn't have it.
The more I read posts about cheaters, the more I think my X cheated. It is really a moot point now, because the marriage was over several years ago, but there are so many similarities with these posts!
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Oh goodness!! I could go on for DAYS!!
- I need to run to the store and get milk. He'd be gone for hours when I'd finally call. Guess what? No answer. He would finally come home the next day! Must have had to milk the cow? His excuse was he feel asleep in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
- Told me one time...my mom just called. Someone is trying to steal the 4-wheelers. He had been gone about an hour when I called his mom to make sure everything was ok. She had no idea what I was talking about. They were in bed and he was never at their house.
- Checked the phone bill after he didn't come home one night. Found a number to another woman. Oh I met her while playing pool. She wants to join our pool tournament. uh huh sureeee. Just so happens we split up a few months later and he got her pregnant. She lost the baby. I didn't know this until AFTER we got back together and she called me to tell me. He denied ever sleeping with her until after I filed for divorce.
- check the phone bill after another all nighter...another number to another female on the phone bill again. This time it was a friend's wife. at 3 AM. I called the friend...he was out of town the night before. Keep your friends close and their wives closer I suppose?
- Found a crack pipe in our game room. but of course it was one of his friend's.
- Found a small baggie for cocaine in the dryer. One on top of the stereo in the kitchen along with several reciepts where he pawned stuff.
- Found condoms in his truck. He said they were his friend's. really? That friend is married and they are trying to have a baby!!!
Like I said, I could go on for days. These is the stuff I can think of off the top of my head. I don't know what made me stay so long and put up with his crap.
*When I found X was on adultfriendfinder.com he said he was on there because his dad cheated on his mom and used this site and he was just trying to find his dad. Funny that ALL the profiles in his history were FEMALE. He later called me over to show me his "Dad's" profile. No picture or any info besides his name. Yeah, 1million dollars says he created that profile
*When I found an email from AAF talking about coming over to "relieve stress" that he responded too and she responded BACK he said it was spam and thought it was funny to respond to. Yeah, Spam doesn't respond BACK.
*He was on the phone, in front of me, talking to the girl who moved in after I moved out and he told me it was his mom. I checked his phone, it wasn't. He was joking with me, isn't he so funny?
*Text messages I found usually got the "How could you go through my phone! She's just a friend and those are inside jokes"
*When he went to a concert with said girl who moved in (which I found out from his friend) he told me he was taking a sleeping bag and sleeping on the floor. When he did not take a sleeping bag it was because there were two beds. Yeah, he didn't share a bed with his male friend.
*When I was moving out and found the half naked FRAMED photos of girl who moved in after me he told me "that started after we broke up" um...right. So she just happened to have these photos laying around?
Wow. That is, wow. fell asleep in the parking lot? Did he have narcolepsy?
When ever X didn't come home it was because he got drunk and crashed at a friends house. He didn't answer the phone because he was passed out/too drunk/phone was on silent. One of the nights he was "too drunk to come home" my father almost died from detoxing from alcohol (He stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated). I didn't hear from X until AFTER noon the next day even though I left him multiple frantic messages about my dad.
Man, I cannot believe some of these guys!
Oh I forgot this one. I found a video of him jaackking off on his other computer. I was like "what is this????" He said he couldn't believe I brought that up. I was embarassing him, he just wanted to see what it looked like.
then I realized that, at one point, the video zooms in on his uhhh, stuff. So who the helll was filming him? In my house???
My husband was just a flagrant a-hole and didn't make a lot of excuses, BUT I have a few:
1. When I found out about 1 of his affairs, it was from looking at the phone bill. He told me someone must have cloned his cell phone and even went as far as to come home from work (30 minute drive) at lunch to call AT&T in front of me to get to the bottom of it. Found out 3 years later, even though in my gut I knew the truth, that it was some skank he hooked up with in Indiana when he was traveling. We paid $5 extra a month for 3 years to have that number blocked because of that stupidity.
2. When I found out that he was STILL talking to his OW from work last year, he told me he tried to break it off, but she really needed him since her husband had abandoned her and she didn't have anyone to talk to. WTF did he think he was doing to me? The same damn thing her husband had done.
I got this one a lot, just not the drunk part. Every time he would go out of town for work (1 week out of every month, for most of our marriage) there was always at least 1 night I couldn't get him on the phone. It was always, "I was so tired I crashed at 7pm and the phone didn't even wake me up." or "I was working and didn't hear the phone" except the phone was right there by him and I could tell by the phone bills that he made/took other calls during that time. He was just with, or talking to, someone else at the time and didn't want his pesky wife butting in on his good time.
Dup.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Ah, drunks and cheats. Mine was only the former:
- After my grandmother passed last year the day after Christmas, a few weeks later I got the excuse that he was drinking more because "he was hurting from her loss but had to be strong for me." BS, you just saw her at family functions.
- "I drive my best when I'm drunk." I need not add to that.
- Me: why do you need a coin sorter machine from ebay? XH: Because then I can turn in our money into the bank, get pennies, and it can sort the copper ones which I can then sell on ebay. WHAT?! I believe this was a sober statement.
The kicker, not really an excuse, but still: "I'm pregnant, we're going to have a baby!" XH: "Can I go throw up now then?" and rolls back over in bed. Nice.
After I filed and OW broke up with XH, he told me he was afraid he was gay and that he slept with other women to prove to himself that he was straight.
LOL.
My "favorite"
I asked why he was still talking to the OW when he promised he wouldn't. Because she was giving him marital advice on how to save our marriage. Ha!
One more - he was working late. Found out he was staying late to hang out with the OW.
XH would use (uppers) while working late nights. He said he needed to be up and alert for work and so he had to use.
XH: "How else can I work so hard this late? You know I go to bed early usually"
Me: "How about what everyone else does? COFFEE!"
Also I begged him to drink instead of use bc I didn't want illegal things in my house. He said drinking was too many calories ::insert eye roll emoticon here::
These are priceless. I recognize a couple of these from my XH, but I must say that all these are a H-E-L-L lot mroe creative thatn my XH.
*His adultfriendfinder username matches his myspace username* - Thats not me. (Even though that person lived in the same city, within 1 mile of zip code and described himself exactly like my XH)
*3am calls logged on his cellphone* - It was a client's secretary that he was calling to discuss business... at 3am. I forced him to call the number and he fessed up it was him giving her advice on her (failing) relationship. I still forced the call (on speaker) and when I asked why she was talking to my husband at 3am she said "he needed advice on his (failing) relationship".
*Replies to craigslist personal ads in sent folder of email* - I didnt do it. They "just appeared".
*Text messages TO a female on a night he was "out with the boys" that said "where are you?"* - The time is wrong. It was at noon that morning beacuse he was having lunch with an old boss to talk business, not midnight.
this is priceless and made me think of another:
I found out when I was six weeks pg that XH had allegedly "planned" to meet up with another woman at a hotel, and then backed out. Obviously now I'm sure he didn't back out and met up with her. I got the hotel receipt mailed to our PO Box and she contacted me on Myspace to tell me they'd met up.
Anyways, his reasoning for even engaging with her about meeting up, so he said, was because she told him "you couldn't handle me". He had to prove her wrong!