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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Care to discuss gay adoption?
My friend and her wife got married in Iowa over the summer. They've been together for years, and have been fostering 2 young children. They applied for joint adoption, and this is her FB status this morning:
Lansing has denied our adoption on the grounds that they don't endorse two unmarried individuals to separately adopt one child each in a sibling group of two. "This would be akin to separating a sibling group." If we were able to marry in this fine state, this wouldn't even be an issue. So now only one of us can apply to adopt which is complete nonsense. This leaves our daughters without the legal protection of a second parent which we BOTH are to these two children.
Willa 4.6.06 and Henry 10.18.08
Camp Sinki
Re: Care to discuss gay adoption?
It's so unbelievably upsetting to watch the struggle for gay civil rights. It seems so obvious, so intuitive and so clear from history that denying people these basic rights on such an arbitrary basis is WRONG! I can't comprehend how anyone thinks it's okay. I understand religious differences and what people think is morally right and wrong, but no one has been able to effectively explain to me specifically how permitting gay marriage or gay adoption will negatively affect their marriage or society in general.
I realize that this wasn't incredibly articulate or supported by research, just a rant.
My heart goes out to your friends and their children. Sad and frustrating, indeed. Especially when the needs of the children really would be best served by putting them in this loving stable home permanently.
WOP, my friend and her wife can't - as a married couple - adopt the kids. To share the honor of being adoptive mothers, they tried to adopt one each. J adopts X and C adopts Y. Because they aren't in a recognized marriage, the state sees this as splitting up the sibling group -even though all 4 (plus 3 kids from a previous marriage of one of the women) would live under the same roof.
This is terrible and makes me very sad.
What if one of them adopted both kids? Then, after that's set, the other adopts them as well. Kind of like a step-parent does with a spouse's child? Or will that still not work because the state of Michigan doesn't recognize their marriage?
Total BS.
Everything DP said, times a million. Eventually gay people will have equal rights. It's happened at least twice already throughout history in our country, with women and African-Americans. I just hate that it has to be a battle and people have to struggle.
Just do it already. Give them the rights the deserve and let's move on. So incredibly frustrating.
It makes me so sad and angry and annoyed all at once.
I read an article last night about a gay couple who have been together for 21 years, and have 4 adopted children together, are facing deportation (one of the guys is from France, the other from the US. They currently live in the US.) Seriously? The law needs to change.
Kasa, that won't work for the reason that you suspected. One will be adopting the kids, and they're setting up guardianship agreements should something happen to the adoptive mom. I believe health insurance, and many other things that we take for granted will be affected.
Knowing they got married in Iowa... I wonder how long a family has to live there before the nonadoptive parent can legally adopt the children, and if that would be recognized in MI. I know their marriage isn't.
I'm glad that one of them is going to be able to adopt the kids and that they are setting up the agreement. My overall opinion of this though is as long as the kids are safe and sound and raised that both of them are the parent it really won't make a difference in the long run.
I guess I wonder if a non married traditional couple wanted to adopt if the same things would happen?
Re FREAKING diculous. Stuff likes this makes me so angry and sad. I can't wrap my head around why someone's sexual orientation has any bearing on what kind of parent they will be.
I'm sorry for your friends
I agree with this, and I'll leave it at that.
I think the issue is the "What if's?" of the situation. What if the legal parent dies? Becomes unemployed and loses health insurance benefits? If the couple seperates, only the legal parent will have legal rights to the kids. Etc.
It boils down to the fact that they BOTH should have the same and equal rights as other couples, other parents.
That is so irritating and I feel so bad for your friends. It is 2012....why in the heck aren't ALL married people getting equal rights. I just don't get it....
I know, I guess that was my point....I guess I should back up and say, why can't ALL be considered married, and get equal rights. It is 2012 for goodness sake...you'd think we could progress more by now.
And again, this is not okay due to something in the US Constitution requiring all states to give full faith and credit to things that other states do, like issuing marriage licenses.
I can move to Indiana, Iowa, California or Hawaii and have my marriage recognized by that state, even though it was performed in Michigan where requirements to get married are probably different.
**duplicate**
Sorry!
I wonder how that "something in the constition" holds up to DOMA? (Defense of Marriage Act.)
"DOMA was passed in 1996 by the GOP-controlled Congress and signed into law by Democratic President Bill Clinton. It bars federal recognition of same-sex marriages and says states cannot be forced to recognize such marriages from other states."
Does DOMA override what you are talking about?
I would argue that DOMA is an unconstitutional law because it violates the "full faith and credit clause" from the constitution (I think it's in Article IV and could look it up if you want the exact site).
However, until (and unless) the Supreme Court hears a case dealing with this and decides whether or not DOMA violates that clause in their opinion, the question remains unresolved and states have chosen to do whatever they want in this regard, and as a result of DOMA same-sex marriage is unrecognized at the federal law (for things like federal taxes).
And how does her status as a parent in name only (with no legal rights) affect how involved she can be with school and medical issues? Can she sign a permission slip? Can she speak with a doctor regarding the child if her wife isn't available? Imagine having to constantly refer all issues like that to your spouse because you legally aren't allowed to have access to that information. This could prove to really be an issue for practical day to day issues.
That would be nice. It's on it's way to the Supreme Court now, I believe.
The same way DH and I work things out. For all purposes I am "the mother" but reality is "step mother". Dh has to sign / giver permission to school and doctors to allow me to have anything to do with SS. I'm one the that takes care of school issues and Dr issues. All DH had to do was sign his name once. it basically boils down to that one mother will be treated like a step parents. IMO.
I'm glad you responded to this. It is reassuring to know that at least the paperwork only needs to be taken care of once, rather than popping up over and over.
Logistically, that's a great work around. If the drs office/school/etc recognizes and respects that as an option. Not all places will, and that's why laws need to be in order to protect that. I'm sure that there's a law somewhere that gives power to a parent to sign something for a step parent. No so in the gay partnership issue.
Aside from logistics are the whole legal and equal rights issue. There just shouldn't have to be a logistical work around.
It isn't just because I'm the step patent. Same thing he had to do when I was the girlfriend. He could have just as easily signed that Nicole Kidman is allowed to be given information regarding this child.
I can't agree more. These children have a loving HOME, and just because their parents are gay.....augh.
I can't agree more. These children have a loving HOME, and just because their parents are gay.....augh.
There are two issues here. First, the Supreme Court can deny certiorari on any case (this means they can choose not to hear it). The thinking is that eventually they will have to decide it to resolve differences of opinion in the Circuit Courts (federal appellate level courts).
The second issue is if the Supreme Court finds that DOMA is, in its opinion, constitutional; that's the end of the line for same-sex marriage. At times, the Supreme Court does do something awful like that--Plessy v. Ferguson is a classic example where they said school segregation based on race was okay because it didn't necessarily mean the facilities were unequal.