Sex & Romance
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My husband has no sex drive after only 3 months of marriage
We got married in October, and almost instantly my husband lost his sex drive. He's all of a sudden too tired to kiss, hug, cuddle, or sleep with me. I've tried everything to get him interested and still nothing... Help!
Re: My husband has no sex drive after only 3 months of marriage
We have threads on this very same topic far far too often; wtf is wrong with these guys???
Here's one of the threads:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61579401.aspx
Is it possible that each and every one of thse guys is gay, asexual or has some other sexually dysfunctionate problem? I don't know.
What was your sex life like before you were married? Were you sexually active then or were you one of those couples that waited? Is he taking some type of meds that is interfering with his libido? what else is happening here?
More backstory about your situation will help.
Whatever it is there that is the story --- sit him down and tell him point blank with no fanfare that he has to start meeting your sexual needs and has to do so effective immediately....or you will file for an annulment.
Let's see how he reacts to possibly losing YOU because he won't get busy.
You will have to decide what is right for you. What is happening here isn't normal or functionate. Adjustment problems with newlyweds are to be expected but certainly the amount of sex should NOT be zero. GL.
I lurk around here quite a bit, and this seems to be the number 1 topic. I really don't know the explanation. I can understand having a little less sex (when H and I were dating, it was a ridiculous twice a day, now that we have crazy schedules it's around 3-4 times a week), as long as both partners are satisfied. But... once a month? How do you keep the intimacy if you feel like a roommate?
ETA: OP, how does he justify being too tired to cuddle? Do you have seperate beds? I can't even imagine how it makes you feel to have no affection from your husband. You need to have a come to Jesus talk with him about this, and let him know that your needs are not being met.
Yeah, Tarpon just linked to my post. That's why I titled it "I'm glad I'm not the only one"
I noticed that A LOT of women are complaining about the same thing as me. I was always under the impression that it was women that lost their sex drive first!
So what the hell is going on?!?! Is there something in the water ?
The thing is this: you're supposed to put your mate first and make sure that person is happy and satified in every way, and that includes sexually.
Another thing that will help: go bounce this off a counselor -- and also a sex counselor. Go by yourself and ask that person; get his or her input.
The mates have to realize that you can't leave a partner high and dry and virtually ignore them, both in and out of the bedroom. Why I suggested a blunt and frank talk, also.
No sex in a marriage isn't normal and it isn't healthy. If the mate is unsatisfied and unhappy then it's not normal and not healthy.
There are a few possible reasons for his low sex drive, here are some, hope it helps:
"1. Unresolved Marriage Conflicts
If you have marital problems and you fight a lot, or he comes home everyday and finds you angry again, or upset all the time ? It simply turns him off. Again, this is not your fault. You are probably upset because you have a good reason to be upset ? and the only way to solve this is to work on your marriage together and get professional help.
If marriage counseling is too expensive (it costs at least 300$ for a session usually), there are plenty of excellent alternatives that will be equally helpful but will not drain your bank account. Some of these alternatives are online marriage counseling and online marriage saving e-courses, written by experienced family therapists.
2. Money and Work Problems
A man can easily become depressed and lose his sex drive if he has troubles at work, or has lost his job or he is not able to provide for his family. This is a common situation is America and especially now. Depression causes low sex drive in men and women both.
3. Infidelity
Unfortunately, when a man suddenly doesn?t want sex anymore ? he could be having an affair. This happens usually very quickly and suddenly and not as a process. If you have a gut feeling that he is cheating and you noticed that he stopped initiating intimate relations with you, he definitely could be having an affair.
4. Physical Problem
Does he work long hours? Consume too much alcohol?
If you don?t suspect an affair and your relationship seems to be as strong as ever (he is still affectionate, loving, touching etc?) there may be an undiagnosed medical condition that causes his low sex drive. These problems could be diabetes, anxiety and panic disorder, stress, low testosterone levels, heart problems, Parkinson?s, anemia, hypothyroidism, neurological disorders, chronic pain, arthritis and more.
5. More Common Causes
These are some more reasons that could contribute to your husband?s low libido: A desire to control or punish you, a way to have power over you, anger, past sexual abuse, working long hours, working too hard and working long hours, drug consumption."
Source: http://how-to-save-marriage.org
I'm sorry, but that seems really rash and ridiculous. Ultimatums don't work and are the cowardly way out, especially without even trying to get to the root of the problem.
First and foremost, you need to discuss your concerns with your H. Try to figure out if there could be anything causing this, talk to a counselor, see a doctor, etc.
so just give your hubby enough time.
I almost cried when I read your post because I'm also an October bride and going through the same thing. I know it's disheartening, but maybe it's just a lull and from what it seems like from everyone's posts, it may be more common than I thought. The only thing I can suggest is that you try talking to him. May be he can tell you more of what's making him tired or some other stuff that he may like too.
After talking with my H, I figured out that job stress is affecting him a lot. TMI, but when my H finally gives into my begging most of the time, he can't stay up. But I'm telling myself it's just a phase again maybe due to the job stress.
I hope that everything gets better for you! Best wishes!
As previously stated. It's all too common.
Sometimes overly high expectations during the years of being "good" and not having sex. Are met with reality and deep bitter disappointment when sex is finally attempted.
DH maybe thinking he should have received during the honeymoon. All the pleasure he missed over the years of not having sex. There is a downer if there ever was one.
He may even be feeling anger or resentment from everyone who suggested waiting.
Maybe time for him and you to be realistic about being sexual amateurs.
Any money, bills, health,work, home or family stress?
Everything to get him interested? What is "everything"? Men are blind and deaf to hints, signals,suggestions etc.He is a man, usually they can concentrate on only one topic at a time. You have to speak slowly with simple clear literal facts that require no interpretation.