Travel
Littlejen22
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If you are DH live in different country than parents
in Travel
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family?
How long is the flight
How long do you usually stay
Do you have kids?
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live?
Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies
Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
Re: If you are DH live in different country than parents
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family?
Really depends. I went home 3 times last year to get ready for/ my wedding. Haven't been back since. We will go back in May. Ave. 1-2 times per year I guess.
How long is the flight
8 hours there 5.5 back, jet stream.
How long do you usually stay Really depends again. This time we are going for about 12 days total. Usually about 2 weeks, sometimes a bit more or less.
Do you have kids? Not yet.
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? I live in London, I'm from Philadelphia.
Bio
How often do you go alone?
The reason I asked about kids is because my kids really miss DH when he is gone, like they will cry about it which is really hard on me especially when I have to discipline them and they just break down that they miss Daddy. So this last time DH went I was kind of a biotch about it, he has gone overseas about 6 times in the past 12 months all for visiting with family (one of those was b/c his Grandmother he is NOT close to died and once b/c his Mum was sick, I realize those are extenuating circumstances). This was way too often for me - when he goes to England he is "only" gone 4 days usually and for Hong Kong he has only been gone 5 days but that is a lot when your wife and kids are back home...not to mention all the times he has to do one or two nights for work. My Mom lives only 20 minutes from me so I know I cannot understand but DH never went away this often, before we met he went away once or twice a year and the last few years it has increased. I wanted to see if my expectations were more normal or insane b/c part of me feels bad b/c I know he does not get to see them often but yet I just don't think it is ok to leave your wife and kids home when you basically go on vacation that often (even if the vacation is just to see your family.) So, anyone can feel free to tell me if you think I am wrong.
I realized I answered wrong. I went home last April by myself for my shower I was there for 2 weeks. Before that I hadn't been home by myself in 2 years. At that point I was there for 10 weeks b/c I was waiting for a new visa.
Since I moved here I have been home w/o H who was BF or FI 4 or 5 times ranging in length from 2 weeks to 10 weeks. Other trips he went as well and I sted longer or I went over first and he met me there. I am a teacher so I have off more.
I think when we have children I will travel by myself with the children to visit my family more often then he will. Again it very well be the same thing that he will go one way with us and I will stay longer. This thought makes me want to cry.
Bio
DH and I are splitting up, but I will answer for the time when we were together:
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family?
Probably about once a year on average. I'll fly back solo for things like a college friend's wedding. Or I'll reroute my work flights to/from other parts of the US so that I can be there for a weekend.
How long is the flight
13 hrs (8 hrs + 2 hr layover + 3 hrs)
How long do you usually stay
3-4 days
Do you have kids?
No. Cats are already too much responsibility.
Where do you live and where do your parents live?
I live in Norway; my parents live in Indiana
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family?At least once a year
How long is the flight 10 hours, non-stop though( the advantages of living in Atlanta)
How long do you usually stay Depends, sometimes 3-4 days, sometimes a week
Do you have kids? No
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? I live in Atlanta, Dad lives in Riohow often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family? we go 1-2 times a year, and they come here 2 times a year. dh goes alone probably 1 time a year
How long is the flight: 9-10 hours depending on winds
How long do you usually stay: minimum 10 days, usually 14
Do you have kids: 2, almost 4 and 9 months
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? We live in Atlanta and my ILs live in the UK
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family? When we were in Europe it was maybe twice a year but now it's once a year.
How long is the flight 26 hours in the air but it's usually more like 37-40 door to door.
How long do you usually stay Again, when we were living in Europe we'd go back for a week tops. Now it's a single two week trip. Also, when we go back together for home leave sometimes I'll go a week or two earlier than H or stay a week or so longer.
Do you have kids? No, but the above isn't going to change when we do.
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? Our families are in the US. We are in KL.
No, not at all and sorry it read that way. I was totally fine with him going to see HK when his Grandmother was dying, originally he was expected to be there for the funeral but it made way more sense to actually see her instead of going for a funeral. And I totally expected him to go see his Mom when she was in the hospital. And I was totally fine with the other time or two he went to the UK to see his Mom and brothers in the past 12 months. Honestly the UK trips never bother me, yes I am bummed when he goes but never mad and actually encouraged him to stay an extra day when he goes to the UK so he can see them longer. The last two trips to HK have annoyed me though for some reason, I think it is b/c the first pleasure trip he went to meet up with his Dad (Dad lives in New Zealand) he said he would not go back for a long time (not a deal with me, just a comment on his part), then his 90+yo Grandmother got sick and like I said, I totally understood why he went back then, and then a few months later he wanted to go again, and then 2 months later he wanted to go back again.
If it was not for this last trip I would not be writing this post but two trips to HK within 2 months just irked me for a few reasons - he said it would not be again soon, it is very hard on our 5yo and 3yo, he also literally sprung it on me "asking" if it was ok for him to go while I was out shopping with the kids and literally paying for something, we are in the middle of planning a trip to HK, and his father has not been here to visit us in almost 3 years and while totally out of my control it bothered me this last time that he encouraged DH to go there (and actually paid for DH's trip this time) instead of coming here, the kids really want to see him even though they don't actually know him. So, this last trip just annoyed me for many reasons but if he did not spring it on me with something like 2 weeks notice and actually sat down with me to see if the days would work ok I probably would have taken it very differently.
No, not at all and sorry it read that way. I was totally fine with him going to see HK when his Grandmother was dying, originally he was expected to be there for the funeral but it made way more sense to actually see her instead of going for a funeral. And I totally expected him to go see his Mom when she was in the hospital. And I was totally fine with the other time or two he went to the UK to see his Mom and brothers in the past 12 months. Honestly the UK trips never bother me, yes I am bummed when he goes but never mad and actually encouraged him to stay an extra day when he goes to the UK so he can see them longer. The last two trips to HK have annoyed me though for some reason, I think it is b/c the first pleasure trip he went to meet up with his Dad (Dad lives in New Zealand) he said he would not go back for a long time (not a deal with me, just a comment on his part), then his 90+yo Grandmother got sick and like I said, I totally understood why he went back then, and then a few months later he wanted to go again, and then 2 months later he wanted to go back again.
And I do know if is very difficult for me to understand. When we moved out of state I did go back very often to see my family but DH and my SD (she is an adult now) always came with me, we went as a family. I think that is a big part of what bothers me too, before we had the kids he did not go this often and we went as a family more often. And if he has done so much traveling lately that if he saved a few of those trips then we could have gone as a family sooner than we are. He has been in the US for over 20 years, we have been together for 10 of those years.
If it was not for this last trip I would not be writing this post but two trips to HK within 2 months just irked me for a few reasons - he said it would not be again soon, it is very hard on our 5yo and 3yo, he also literally sprung it on me "asking" if it was ok for him to go while I was out shopping with the kids and literally paying for something, we are in the middle of planning a trip to HK, and his father has not been here to visit us in almost 3 years and while totally out of my control it bothered me this last time that he encouraged DH to go there (and actually paid for DH's trip this time) instead of coming here, the kids really want to see him even though they don't actually know him. So, this last trip just annoyed me for many reasons but if he did not spring it on me with something like 2 weeks notice and actually sat down with me to see if the days would work ok I probably would have taken it very differently.
Personally, I don't go home alone very often-- once in the 3yrs of living here. My H goes home more frequently, abt once/year.
Actually, in thinking about it, when haven't taken a trip home together ever (again, it's only been 3yrs). That hasn't really be a conscious choice, just work schedules and priorities.
I absolutely don't begrudge my H going home, but I will say that by the end of the "long" trips (7-10days), I'm ready for him to come home and help with the house, dog, and drama of life in a foreign country. So I can only imagine these feelings would be amplified if we had kids. Meaning, a couple of days, ok, but upwards of a week would be a strain.
I'm in my home country but DH is not so I will answer this for him.
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family? Over the 9 yrs we've been together he has only been back home without me once. It was for his grandfather's funeral and I was set to start a new job just days after he was leaving so it just wasn't a good time for me to go.
Other than that time we've always gone together. It has averaged out to something like one trip every two years or so. His parents have also been to visit us here three times. I should point out that we have been poor students/unemployed for most of this time so money has been the main reason why we haven't gone more. Ideally we would like to be able to go back twice a year and more realistically in the future we will probably go maybe once every year.
How long is the flight? usually 17-22 hours including lay overs (no direct flights, sometimes we have to connect twice or have a longer lay over to save money) but could be as short as 13 hours if we are lucky
How long do you usually stay? 3 weeks. Anything less than two weeks feels like too short, especially considering the flight time and jet lag and such. Again, ideally we would probably stay 4-5 weeks, that way we would be able to visit all friends and family yet still have time to see more of the country as well.
Do you have kids? No.
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? We live in Sweden (as does my parents). IL's live in BC, Canada, with the rest of the family in Alberta, Manitoba and Ontario (sadly we have never had time to see them/visit any other part of Canada than BC - that's why we would prefer to stay 4-5 weeks, then we could do 3 weeks in BC and one week with family in Edmonton/Calgary/Winnipeg/Ottawa/Toronto)
it's a little different for us because my MIL is DH's stepmom and my ILs only moved to brazil in 2009. my MIL is from brazil and lived here for 8 years or so then they retired there.
How long is the flight: 10 hours direct from JFK, not sure from DC (which would involve a layover) as we've not gone from here yet.
How long do you usually stay: we've been once so far, stayed 9 days. we spent a few days on our own since it was part fam visit, part vacation. that is probably what we'd continue to do for future visits. for us, family time is not relaxing and thus doesn't count as a true vacation.
Do you have kids? nope
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? we live in DC, ILs live in brazil (about an hour or so from rio)::faints::
Sorry if you mentioned this and I missed it, but can you not travel with your H more often? Would him going less frequently for more time as the family vacation (like 2 weeks or however long you can swing rather than 4 days here and 4 days there) be a solution?
Married bio
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Travel and expat life blog
Oops, just getting back to this now.
Some have been segments and some direct. He was born in Saigon and from there we did trips to HK and Hanoi, then we moved to France, since moving (before he was 2) we used to go to Canada twice a year, now that we have to pay for him, we only go back once a year. In our Canada trips, we usually have to go to Vancouver (H's parents) and Toronto my parents).
Honestly we will have to see. We are going to England in May (5 days near his family and 5 in London but his brother will join us for one day in London) as a family and planning on a 10 day trip to Hong Kong next year. DH has made a comment to someone (can't remember who) in front of me about how he will not be going back until that trip next summer but I am honestly not sure how he feels about it. I do expect him to go back to England later in the year, I understand that his Mum is getting older and he wants to see her. Because we had a huge argument before he went to Hong Kong 2 weeks ago (and we never fight like that) I need the right timing to bring it up again but I think I am going to push for it.
My compromise would be for us to go every other year as a family to England and him go a little less to cover the costs. I have no idea how to handle Hong Kong, I don't think we could go to both places every year or every other year and still go to other places like our timeshare in Aruba.
I really appreciate the food for thought, I do want to find a solution for both of us to be happy about.
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family? I have never flown back home without my spouse. I get a free flight home for the two of us every two years with work and that's when I fly home to visit family. They tend to come here every two years so I see them once a year. I have gone back more than once every two years but not for a visit - I've gone back for weddings/deaths/visiting friends but not family
How long is the flight for my dad - 5-1/2 hrs, for my mom it's two flights
How long do you usually stay it really depends...we've done a few days with one and a few days with another, or a week with one and week with another
Do you have kids? nope, but that won't change anything - we'll fly home the ever two years that my job provides
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? parents - USA (two states), me (London)
Edit: note that I am permanently in the UK and not a one or two year immigrant so my home is London...and as we bought a house in London, we really don't have the money to spend on a lot of trips to the US and be able to do the other things we enjoy doing.
how often do you fly back home without your spouse to visit your family? Usually once a year without, once a year with.
How long is the flight: 8 to 9 to the US from GVA then usually another 2sh hours from the layover
How long do you usually stay: 3 weeks-6 weeks (I don't work, DH usually doesn't come for more than 2 weeks)
Do you have kids? no
ETA:
Where do you live and where do your parents live? US- Switzerland, my mom- St.Louis, DH's parents- Switzerland