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Am I being too harsh? (long)
So being pregnant and a normally passive aggressive person, I cannot tell if I'm being reasonable or irrational when it comes to my sort of MIL. While I will spare the backstory, she is very nice and means well but is overwhelming for me and blatently disobeys things in respect to K. We are going to Chicago next week and will have to see her in person.
Here are my current issues - any solutions would be greatly helpful.
1. Got an email over the weekend requesting one of K's school pictures for her mother. She already bought a frame, 5x7 without asking me if I had any left. I have only wallet sized pictures let as I had to put in my order for any pictures in October. She is due to get new ones in the next 2-3 months. The passive aggressive me wants to say something about maybe taking the framed 8x10 that I mailed to her to rite aid to shrink it down because I didn't know she wanted one (she hasn't before), let alone a particular size. There is no way I'll be able to get it done in the meantime, as I work literally every day until we leave. Do I ask her to wait until the next set and order one or try to enlarge it from a wallet size when we get out there?
2. Same email, TELLS me that she got a car seat for K to ride around chicago in and she wants to bring her to see her mom (who is sick). We are also flying out with a car seat. I have no problem with seeing her great grandma, but I will be in class all weekend, and do not want K driving around the midwest with her unless A is driving and with them. Its nothing personal, I don't let my mom or whoever is watching K drive around with her any more than is necessary (from school to my house or hers.....). Is this being unreasonable? Its mostly for two reasons - first one is selfish - i have a baords review course that i really need to concentrate in so i can pass my boards and don't need to worry about her being out of snowy midwest roads, but also second is if something ever happened, I don't know that I could forgive her or myself for giving in. Options?
....and lastly...
This little guy in my belly is going to be a scheduled c-section. Last time when I was in the hospital, MIL literally quit her job because they wouldn't let her have the day off to drive to NY that day, and then stayed in my house for 2 weeks (followed by A's dad for the next week after that - divorced). This time, I really don't want people staying at my house until I've been home for a week to give both K (and me!) time to adjust to the new LO and adapt to our new family. I don't care if they are in town, but I want to keep things as normal as possible which does not include a living room full of people sleeping. The problem is, my family all lives in town, so I'm afraid by saying this, it will seem like I don't want them out here which is absolutely not true, just not at my house 24/7. Is this unreasonable?
Re: Am I being too harsh? (long)
First off inlaws are rough so cut yourself some slack! First the picture. I'd give her the wallet and let her know you will have new pics in 2-3 months. You'd be happy to odder her whatever size she wants. If she chooses to enlarge wallet you give her it's on her.
Second the driving. If you don't feel comfortable DO NOT let her drive your kid. If you don't want to tell her have A tell her, it's his mom let him deal with her. Same goes for her coming to visit after LO is here. Give her dates that your comfortable with (week or 2 after he is born) and ask when she will be visiting. If she doesn't respond well, have A handle it again.
I hope I don't sound harsh but you have a lot in your plate and enough to worry about. Good Luck!!!!!
I wouldnt go the passive/aggressive route since it only brings temporary satisfaction on your part.
as for the picture -give the last picture you have and explain that you will have more size options shortly and tell her that in the future if she wants more size options to let you know at the beginning of the school year and you will order it for her.
As for driving if your SO is going with you on the trip- make sure that he goes in the car or drives. If your not comfortable your not comfortable and tell her that. If she doesnt like it- too bad explain what you said to us- that your mom only drives her when she must and isnt joyriding in the midwest in the snow. She might not like it but if you bite your tounge you wont be concentrating because youll be worrying about them.
As for visiting- your SO needs to be on board with you or it will be a tough fight. like PP said its your house, your family, your rules. If they are insisiting upon coming for the birth, great give them a list of the following hotels nearby. There is no reason you should have to host that many people for that long after just having major surgery.
HTH
Not too harsh at all.
Number one, give her the wallet. She can enlarge it herself or leave it as is until you get the next set. Not something you need to worry about right now.
Number two, I am the same way about others driving around my LO. Currently, the only people I let drive her around are my parents and DH. My MIL is ALWAYS on her phone while driving and has been in 3 accidents in OUR DRIVEWAY in the past year. My father in law drives very fast. I dont trust either of our younger siblings. Call me neurotic or whatever but most of them can barely buckle her in the seat properly, let alone drive safely. You are the Momma and if your gut instinct goes against it, then dont do it.
Three, I think you are being generous saying she can stay after one week. I am so nervous about getting into a routine with LB and this new one, I cant imagine anyone being around other than us and DH for a while. There is nothing wrong with that and if she still wants to come, there are hotels in the area. I sound so mean but at the same time, I am stressing over similar things and totally get it. You need to worry about your little family and not how/if you are upsetting others.
Best of luck on your boards and with all this mayhem!