Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Cultural difference or just plain rude?
I am really trying to not get offended so easily when people say extremely blunt/rude things, but last night I got so frustrated. H and I went to the ILs house to have lunch and some of my ILs friends were there to see babyMadrid. They brought us some lovely gifts, but pretty early on the woman commented she thought H looked a lot fatter since the wedding. He's not. He actually has lost weight since then, not a lot, but some. H does not get offended easily and laughed it off even though the remark was made in front of everyone.
A little later I went into another room to feed babyMadrid and I decided halfway through that I didn't want to be exiled. I walked out into the living room and the MIL's friend says, "I think LadyMadrid looks like she's gotten fatter since I last saw her too." My jaw almost dropped, but I just sat down with Aurelia and said, "No, actually I'm not much bigger and even if I was it would be expected because I just had a baby." Her response: "Oh, having a baby has nothing to do with it. When I left the hospital with my first I weighed 2 kilos less than my pre-pregnancy weight."
I seriously saw red. I had a million and one rude things to say to her, but instead just got up and left the room again. I don't think I look fat, but I was so upset that this woman I don't even know took it upon herself to tell me I do and then tell me that having a baby is no excuse. Ugh. I guess I'm just venting, but also wondering if I'm being hypersensitive.
Should I really try not to be frustrated by things like this and chalk it up to cultural differences or am I allowed to retain my American sensitivity to such bluntness? Have you all ever been in situations like this? How do you get used to it??
Re: Cultural difference or just plain rude?
"You can change being fat, but you can't change ugly!" Smile, then walk away.
I really don't know what to say. I hate getting mani/pedis here because the women that work in these salons are always, "Oh, ma'am, you're so fat!" (And I'm a size 8.)
That?s just plain rude. Wow! What a biotch. If she weighed less than she did before the pregnancy, then she was probably fat to begin with.
I would have been seeing red, too.
Hmmm, I'm going with cultural difference. My Italian in-laws always tell me I look like I've gained weight, but only after they say that they find me well. So I take it as a compliment. More easily said then done, but they say it with a smile, and I know that's what they mean by it.
Also, I take it as a source of pride if they say DH looks like he's gained weight. To old Italian ladies, that says I'm feeding my man well.
This is something I hadn't thought of! I still feel offended for myself, but H says basically what you said, that if it's said with a smile it's not meant to be rude. Still gets under my skin anyway!
Also, when did you change your sn?? I feel like everyone is changing it up.
Sounds very biitchy, but I think it's probably cultural.
The first year we were in Vietnam I was a size 4 and would be called fat whenever I went shopping "you're too fat for this store - no big sizes!" LOL
Sorry that your feelings got hurt though, that would have made me upset too.
Oh my god, I would die in Vietnam! It's hard enough finding shoes my size here I can't imagine not being able to find shoes or clothes!
It was bad from 2001 to about 2005, then bigger sizes were easily available. I spent a lot of time at the tailors getting clothes made.
Cultural. Sorry
I lived 3 years in Madrid, nearly 2 in Mexico, and I'm married to a Mexican (but we're in the UK now
so I feel for you!
Holy crap dude, I probably would've told her I didn't believe her.
Unfortunately, I think this is a very Spanish thing. So, so many people have commented about DH's and my weight. GMIL flat out tells me I'm fat. I've learned to not get angry and just tell her the Spanish cooking is just too good. I got used to it through a lot of experience. Frickin' every time I see GMIL she comments either on me or DH.
I guess I knew all along it's a cultural thing. I know it's up to me whether to be offended or not, but sometimes it's just a gut reaction. I need to work on my patience/understanding with this.
Ok, I'm officially over it.
Will try not to be so sensitive in the future.
Dude, it's a normal reaction. I still secretly think "eff you and your stupid country and its habit of putting french fries with everything" when GMIL calls me fat.
I agree with Elenetxu. You had a normal reaction and I would be pissed. On the inside, I would be thinking "eff you" but I would never have the nerve to say something like that. Of course, my poor DH would have to hear me complain about it for the next few days.
It is just a huge cultural difference and I find it SO hard to deal with after living here for almost ten years.
Amen and halleluja!
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
It happened to me.
I wouldn't tell anyone that was normal or that I expected it to happen to them, too, though.
Lucky!!!
I would've most definitely said it out of spite had someone told me the same.