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Ugh, I need your input
I just received the invitation for my "friend"'s baby shower. I put friend between brackets because she has basically been of 0 support during my divorce. She became very distant. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt because she got pregnant a month before XH decided to leave (she told me she was 3 months pregnant when I asked her if there was something wrong due to her distant behavior) but I still think that wasn't a cool thing to do for a friend.
Said shower is not going to be the traditional shower. It's a small, joint shower. STBmother will have her friends and STBfather will have his friends. STBfather and XH are very good friends. As a result, XH is invited as well as other people who I don't particularly enjoy. They planned a lunch at a restaurant and other games. So I will be with XH. I seriously do not want to attend. On one hand, I feel like if I don't go, it might end the frienship for good and they might think I am bitter for some reason. If I go, I'll have to spend an entire day with XH. It might be selfish but I decided to be selfish. I swore to myself I will never put my needs and feelings behind others anymore.
Side note: XH and I are 99% divorced as of last Monday. Just waiting for the judge to sign the papers. And he was an asssshole during the whole divorce process. And a narcissistic sociopath the last 3 years of our marriage. We are civil but I don't plan to keep in touch with him at all.
Re: Ugh, I need your input
I think her distancing herself from you while you were going through your divorce is sh!tty even if she is pregnant. True friends support you regardless. I'm in the camp of letting go of people who aren't there for you in the good times and bad. I found a few of my friendships fizzled out during my divorce because I saw that they weren't real positive people in my life, and I'm really okay with that.
If you don't want to go, don't go. If you feel obligated, send a present with a nice card and make plans out of town or something.
And what are you REALLY going to lose if this friendship ends? She didn't support you at all (and seriously, her "being PG" is the worst excuse ever), and now she's putting you in a position where you have to be paired up w/ him all day?
Seriously- friends don't do this.
Don't go and let things play out. If this ends the friendsihp, I'm really not seeing the huge loss....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Honestly it sounds like she became distant, not because of the pregnancy, but because her husband is really good friends with your ex. I'm not saying she handled it well, but I'm sure this is awkward for everyone and she doesn't want to put herself in the position of hearing negative things about ex, or being blamed for anything that gets back to husband's friend.
I'd call her out on it before writing it off, but it sounds like maybe her friendship wasn't all that important anyways, so it may be best to cut ties.
To clarify, I never talk about XH. If she mentions something, I'll answer but move on to the next thing. And she is not friend at all with XH.
I am still undecided. If I ever decide to go, I'll leave early.
I agree with this completely.