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friends divorcing, "choosing sides"
We have friends who are divorcing after SEVERAL years of marriage. My H and I always hung out with them as a couple and H and her SBXH do "guys stuff" together AND H works with HER. I had hoped that I/we could walk the middle line and be a support to both of them without having to choose sides. The wife doesn't really seem to have a good support system/friends so she calls me for company or a sounding board. The longer their divorce goes on the harder time I'm having remaining neutral as she is doing things and saying things that make no sense to me (not allowing SBXH come to pick up any of his stuff that is clearly his stuff, saying things about her SBXH that I consider to be "low blows", etc). I don't care if this is what she thinks she needs to say or do but I don't think I'm the right person to be her sounding board because we are still friends with her SBX.
I can't decide the best way to handle this. Do I sit down with her and tell her what I've said here? I thought maybe I could start to distance myself but the more I try to avoid her the more she calls/texts. I don't want to abandon her but I really can't support her either.
Opinions?? tia.
Re: friends divorcing, "choosing sides"
I think you just need to tell her that you want to be there for her, but you can't be involved in their divorce. I am fortunate to have another friend divorcing right now, and she was a friend of STBX long before he and I met. Because she's in the same boat I'm in, we talk pretty freely to each other, but I hope she'd put me in check if I took it too far. Venting to her is excellent free therapy, and she always has great advice, but I'd never want to make her uncomfortable, and do my best not to.
Tell her that you care about her, and value her friendship, but you don't want to have to take sides...and I'd tell her that you have the same policy for her STBX. I assume she knows you're still friends with him.
She does and sometimes I feel like that's part of her problem. I feel like she's throwing him under the bus to try to convince me what a bad person he is. He may not have been a good husband to her but he is a good friend to us. She has told others she has "character witnesses" against him and I feel like she's trying to prime me for the job.....it will never happen.