Starting Over
tmkd
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
FB and dating
I was just reading this article "Facebook Etiquette: When Is It Okay To Friend Someone You're Casually Dating?" and found it pretty interesting. It said "Facebook is a step."
The last guy I dated for more than 3 dates friended me on FB after 3 dates.....I felt weird, like I had to say yes, but I really wasn't ready for it. I feel like this forces you to reveal so much to your new dating partner way too soon.....and vice versa--you are left there exploring his page, interpreting his life through a series of posts and photos....
So, I'm dating someone exclusively right now, but not a FB friend yet. I'm just not ready! Maybe soon......what do you guys think (for yourselves, past & present) ?
Re: FB and dating
Oh, honey, I've had an epiphany of sorts with this exact situation!
I have decided that I won't ever add another BF to my FB until we've been dating at least 4 months, and won't "link up" to them ("In a Relationship with Joe Schmo") until the 6 month mark.
I've added a couple of guys within a few weeks or a month or two, and it's always just a bad feeling when you aren't sure what your relationship is and where it's going. And even once you've established that you're officially dating or BF/GF, it's always a few months where you're getting to know them to decide if it's going to go anywhere. It's better to just stay away from FB, rather than have to do the "newsfeed of shame" and advertise to everyone you've ever known since grammar school that "Jane Doe went from In a Relationship to Single" only a month or two after going from Single to In a Relationship.
It was HARD to get to the point where I defriended the last guy I dated. We dated for 4 months, and became FB friends on date 2, and changed to In a Relationship at I think 6 or 8 weeks. I didn't go back to Single for about 2 weeks after we broke up, just because it was Christmas and I didn't want the "poor Emmii, broken up right before Christmas!" spiel going around. It was another 3 weeks before I defriended him because he would NOT stop texting me and telling me how much he missed me and thought we were making a mistake in breaking up. I finally had to just cut off all contact, including FB.
Just don't do it, man. Don't do it.
I haven't had to face this problem yet, but I learn from my sisters mistakes, which essentially are DON'T do it!!! Until you are 100% certain...and months have passed, then consider it. Before then? Just don't. I think it just makes it too complicated or something...
So, I haven't dated many guys that I wasn't already friends with (on FB and in real life), so this is speaking from not much experience.... I think I friended the guy I dated before BF when we'd gone on maybe 2 dates. I left the relationship status blank for the entire 3 months that we were together...I wasn't comfortable putting it out there when I wasn't sure about it. In the end, I just wasn't that into him, so I'm glad that I never put it on FB. BF and I waited about 6 months to put it on FB because we wanted to wait until his divorce was official. Otherwise, it would have been up there much sooner, because we both knew from the beginning that this was a serious relationship.
I have a tendency to date men who aren't into the social networking thing, so this has been a nonissue. The constant need to update FB is a huge turnoff for me, both in romantic relationships and platonic ones. I used to have a friend who put everything out there in real-time. If she was having a crappy night, you could watch a video of her crying. For real. She'd friend and unfriend people on a whim too. Right now I'm unfriended from her, but my BFF said she recently changed her relationship status after a second date with some dude. Sigh.
BF and I friended each other after we became exclusive, but it wasn't a milestone for us. I'm on FB only if someone sends me a message, so my page says next-to-nothing about me. Occasionally I'll upload some boring pics from my phone. BF's is even worse, LOL. He goes on there maybe twice a year. Our pages don't even say that we're in a relationship...and we're living together! I just don't want to put my private schit out there. That never ends well.
Well I think making things "Facebook" office, like linking to the in a relationship is ridiculous and I will never do that again (only did when I was married). BUT I do think that if you are in a place where you are "exclusive" with someone you should be able to friend them on Facebook. I mean if you are posting such deep dark things on your Facebook page that you wouldn't want your boyfriend reading them, then you should probably evaluate what you are posting on Facebook.
I'm with Bowies - I tend to not be into guys that are FB wh0res. BF is on FB about twice a year and couldn't care less about it - he really only stays on it because sometimes people from high school contact him and he likes having that avenue open.
We friended each other after we had been dating probably 3-4 months (and had been exclusive for about 2 months) but it wasn't a huge deal. And also like Bowies, we're not even listed as "in a relationship" even though we live together. I won't update that status until I'm engaged (either w/ current BF or someone else) - it's drama I don't need to keep updating that shiz.
TEM - if a guy I was dating friended me after only a couple of dates, it would be a mini red flag for me. I would either a) let him know I keep my FB pretty private and don't feel comfortable adding him as a friend right now or b) (the more likely option since I'm non-confrontational) add him but keep him restricted as to what he can see until the relationship progresses.