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Sleep Help Needed
My friend has an 11 month old who does not STTN. She is up every hour or so. They have changed formula dozens of times, colic drops, nighttime tea, Tylenol, teething tabs, and reflux meds also Ferber, CIO and 2 other methods. She has to rock her to sleep and then she only sleeps 1-2 hours before she is up throwing herself into crib, banging head, to the point she has to sleep in a PNP for safety.
I have no advice for her because my kids don't have this and everything I could thing of she has tried. I told her about the Magic Suit but she wears 18 months and the ones we found are only up to 9 months. Only other suggest I had for her which apparently her mom and DH keep saying is having her sleep at her moms just so they can sleep and see if there a difference. Tough love?! She says she will try this weekend.
Any other tips/words of advice?
Re: Sleep Help Needed
My LC may be able to help. She was so wonderful to work with when J was born. She also offers sleep help- I may be calling her again in a month or so if our sleeping situation doesn't improve.
She is like a fairy Godmother- I love this woman:
http://donnabruschi.com/
http://donnabruschi.com/Free_Sleep_Session.html
I just emailed her to see if she could rec someone in the city.
When you friend gets relief, do you mind posting about it? I'm really curious to see what will work.
What time is she putting her down? I know that if we miss T's cues that she is tired we have a harder time putting her down and she tends to wake up during the night even if its just for us to give her a pacifier.
or are they putting her down to early where she isn't tired enough? Another thing our pedi told us is that a lot of times if a baby falls asleep some place other than their crib and then wake up in their crib it can cause them to freak out and then have trouble sleeping so it is important to put them in their crib sleepy so they know exactly where they fell asleep.
That have black out curtains in room, sleep sheep in crib and some toys so if she wakes up she doesn't yell. This has been going on for 11 months. Friend rocks baby to sleep then puts in crib. Won't go to sleep any other way apparently. She said it is so bad that she has to take a medical leave from work most likely because she doesn't sleep and is getting in trouble at work for being out of it.
I will Redmoose:)
I don't want to sound harsh, but coming from a mom of a baby who didn't want to sleep in his crib and HELD him to sleep for naps and at night for 9/10 months, then in my bed until 14 months, something will work. Of all the methods she's tried, one has to work. She just must not be doing it properly.
If the baby isn't getting enough sleep, it won't sleep well. Cues are huge with high needs babies that this and if you miss it, you are screwed.
I find it impossible that Ferber/CIO didn't work. She just must not have done it properly. You HAVE to sick to it no matter what and it WILL work. If the baby is smashing her head and causing harm to herself, she should see a doctor for underlying problems. But Ferber works if the parents do it right.
There are sleep specialist that will come to your house and help you if you are willing pay $$$. If she's ready to take a leave from work, she may be willing to pay and get this taken care of.
I know first hand how hard it is to hear your baby cry for you and how hard it is to function on no sleep. Its SO frustrating when your baby doesn't sleep, but its something they have to learn. GL to her
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No rocking to sleep. If she wants to make rocking a part of bed time but she has to go in awake. At first the baby is gonna be PISSED. It helped me in the beginning to go in 3 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 10 then every 15 to shh him and tell him to lay down and go night night. He never cried more then 20 mins. Now, I can't go in at all. It just gets him crazy. He needs a refresher every so often when we fall into bad habits bc of sickness, teething, vaca. etc.
But it WORKS. I wish I would had done it sooner to save myself months of frustration.
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i recommend reading ferber's book, because it's not as easy as CIO with increasing intervals.there's a lot more to know and understand - like cues to know that there are underlying issues that are preventing sleep.
both my kids had to be sleep trained, and Sam still needs it again from time to time because sickness or vacations or special events take her out of routine.
that said, here's the problem with rocking to sleep: everyone - babies, kids, adults - all wake during the night. decent sleepers just have little to no recollection of it. everything is as it was when you went to bed, so you turnover and go to sleep. i've seen Ava wake, sit up, move around, adjust her blanket and go back to sleep. she's awake, but not fully awake.
when you rock the baby, it is soothing. they fall asleep, and are comfortable. but when they wake up, parent is gone and rocking ceased - and it's not as it was before. you need to repeat the scenario - again and again - to comfort and soothe the child to get them to sleep again.
this is where sleep training comes in. you develop a routine - cleaning up, pjs, book, bottle/breast/cup or not, and bed. baby learns what comes next. and bed is always the same so they are always in a position to self soothe and go back to sleep. mom and dad should remove themselves from this so they are not needed every night several times.
i hold sam for a minute or two, rock her, hug her, kiss her head, and put her int he crib. she's awake, drowsy, but awake. she sees me leave. she cries - always - every single night. sometimes she stands up and sometimes she sits up. i follow ferber. i wait the designated amount of time, go in, reposition her in the crib laying down, pat her butt and say goodnight and leave.
generally, i do this once, and she falls asleep within minutes after my leaving the second time so i don't always have to do it 3-4 times.
but for her, we need to be super quiet until she's in a deeper sleep. she'll hear someone walking by her door and she'll get up and cry again. we've learned to deal with this because it's easier than getting her used to noise instead. what's 20 min parked on the couch in complete silence? (the answer is glorious - lol!)
when she wakes in the middle of the night, she looks around and sees her night light and everything in place. mom isn't there, like i wasn't when she went to sleep. she may turn her head and sleep again, she may stand up and then sit down and lay down. she sucks her fingers as a soothing technique too. either way, she does what she needs to go back to sleep without us - usually.
i also suggest nothing in the crib. if the baby goes to sleep with a paci and then can't find it in the middle of the night - panic ensues and the kid is hysterical and parents are woken up. both my kids got a little blanket in the crib - neither is totally attached, but i see Sam rub it on her cheek from time to time. but it isn't her sole comfort. it's also larger than a paci or bottle/cup so it's easy for her to reach out and come across it blindly.
CIO isn't for everyone. my cousin used to puke when his parents attempted ferber. my kids tolerate it much better!
also, dh ferberized Ava because I didn't have the stomach for it. he'd do the whole bedtime routine while i took a long, long shower to avoid hearing the crying. win-win for all.
i deal a bit better with sam, and i do her bedtime 99% of the time. tough love
This was K. She was up every hour until she was 11 months old. And one of us would attend to her. That was the problem. Our pediatrician put it best - her exact words were "she's using you", Kids that age are smart and know if they cry, mom or dad will come. Nothing worked for us except Ferber. I sat down and read the book and it made sense. One of the main points of the book is that the child should not be rocked, etc to sleep because when they wake up in a different spot (ie, their crib) they have no idea how they got there and freak out.
i am one of those people who couldnt listen to my baby cry. I would set my phone alarm while Ferberizing and go do dishes, to the basement and do laundry, make a phone call in the opposite end of the house, take a shower.....and eventually it got better.