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Blah!
So I had a second date with J on Sunday evening. We went for a walk on the river and then grabbed a bite to eat at the local brewery. While I had a nice time I decided that there just really isn't a spark for me with him. There seems to be a lack of emotional connection, as I found myself desperately trying to search in my head for things to talk about. He asks a lot of questions but doesn't really seem to want to have a dialogue around them so it's more like playing the game, Twenty Questions.
I also am so busy with work and P, and I need my down time. J has called to talk on the phone every single night, including the night after our date. For some people this would be great, and I probably wouldn't mind it as much if I was really into him, but it has felt more like a burden than anything.
I get the sense that he is pretty into me, which is great, but it definitely has added pressure to the way I feel. I wish there was a way to take things slowly and really get to know someone to see if feelings develop as they will.
Anyways, I was feeling very annoyed yesterday with a friend of mine because it seems like every time I go out with someone and realize that I'm not interested in pursuing things, she attempts to talk me into it. I get the sense that she thinks I've gotten to be too picky and need to give people more of a chance. I don't feel that I'm picky. I just know if there is a connection, and if there is not, that's why we date. I've learned enough from everything I've been through and the dating I've done to know I need to trust my gut instincts. In this case, my gut is telling me that I am not feeling it.
It's slightly disappointing because I do want to meet someone special, but I also won't settle for lukewarm feelings. Oh well, as we say "onwards and upwards!"
Re: Blah!
Eh I think even if you were totally into him, hearing from someone every single day is a bit much. I think you're doing the right thing by creating space if you aren't feeling it.
Once he notices the space you've created, maybe let him know that it's because he spent all the time interviewing you instead of getting to know you. It may help him later on and be your "pay it forward" from all that you've learned.
Agree w/ all of this. Good for you achase for going with your gut.
You can't force yourself to be into someone! You're not desperate and you're walking away because you don't feel it. That's fine and that's what you should do. You shouldn't be looking for reasons to fell something that you don't.
Good for you! Ignore your friend.
You can't force yourself to be into someone! You're not desperate and you're walking away because you don't feel it. That's fine and that's what you should do. You shouldn't be looking for reasons to feel something that you don't.
Good for you! Ignore your friend.
Good for you! You definitely should be going with your gut feeling on these things. It sounds like you already know this, but don't let your friends talk you into anything you don't want to do. You are the one that will have to live with your decisions, not them. And while there are people that take a while to warm up to, you will usually notice something that captures your attention to make you want to continue getting to know them. If nothings there, its not there.
onwards and upwards!
Yes, I think that's what sent me over the edge. Since he first asked if we could talk on the phone last Tuesday we've talked on the phone every night and it's overwhelming for me. I really need my down time. Last night when he called I didn't answer and sent a text saying that it had been a crazy night and I'd talk to him later.
If he calls tonight I'm just going to be honest with him. He's a nice guy, no point in hurting his feelings or stringing him along.
Lurker butting in your post:
I think it is awesome that you realize you just aren't feeling it, and aren't going to force it. My sister used to be the worst for making me feel like something was wrong with me when I wasn't into a guy. Just because a guy is great for you on paper doesn't make him great for you. (Also just bc a guy is into you doesn't make him great for you) I used to wonder what was wrong with me, I really believed I was way too picky. Then I met DH, and he was all wrong for me on paper (almost 6 years younger, lived with his parents, and lived an hour and a half away). With him everything was different and wonderful, and I realized I wasn't picky, I was just meeting the wrong guys.
I really believe this. I was actually talking to a co-worker who has a similar story to yours. She dated a lot and could never find the right one. Her mom was always telling her she was "too picky" and she sort of believed it. THEN she met her DH. He was all wrong for her on paper and he, too, was younger. She just knew it was different with him, right away.
I know that I have strong gut instincts and they are there for a reason. I plan on following them!