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would you tell? @BR
So, the visitation and funeral are over, and I think we had to answer the "how are you feeling?" "when are you due?" "is it a boy or girl" questions 1000x. Granted, the baby was a nice distraction from the rest of the situation and even MIL really liked having something exciting to talk about, and will definitely need to have something to look forward to as the reality of the next few weeks sets in. So we didn't mind, but...
DH answered the boy or girl question this way:
"We weren't planning on finding out, but last week we realized dad only had a few days, so we found out the sex of the baby with him while he could still communicate, so it is his secret right now."
But I'm starting to wonder if it is just silly to know now and not tell. One of DH's biggest reasons for not knowing was so that people would buy us stuff we need instead of tons of outfits, but honestly, I don't care that much (he's just really cheap, so I understand from that perspective). I know we don't want to overshadow dealing with the death with this news, so we would wait a bit, regardless... but is it weird for us to know and not tell now? WWYD do in our shoes?
Re: would you tell? @BR
I love your H's answer.
I wouldn't tell, I would keep that as the family info only for right now. I don't think its silly at all- in fact I think its nice to keep this between you all.
In general, I think it's a little strange to know and not tell (but only if people are like "oh, I know, but we're not telling"). If people just know and say they don't or that that it's a surprise - - then whatever.
HOWEVER, in your situation, when you planned to be Team Green and found out due to extenuating circumstances, then I still think you get to decide what you want to do about everyone else w/o it being weird, you know?
If it were me in your shoes, if random people asked I'd just say "oh it's a surprise" or something. Whatever lady in Walmart, who cares. If it's family/friends/work people/neighbors, etc I'd likely say something about planning to be team green but finding out with Ryan's dad before he passed, blah blah.
I would keep it a surprise.
Part of the joy of being Team Green for me at least was the ability to introduce my child so completely to the world. Getting our "it's a girl!" moment, etc. I realize that those who find out also get that, just in a different way... but IMO because you compromised your original plan due to your FIL's circumstance, you should still be able to retain some semblance of what you originally wanted.
Also, the name questions will increase if you share the gender, at least that's what I've noticed with my friends... so unless you're willing to share that too, you'll have to find a polite way to explain that that's a surprise.
However, if all of that went out the window when you found out and you are dying to share, just do what feels right.
IMO, baby stuff that is gender neutral (and while DH thinks people will not by you clothes because they don't know the sex, that will not be the case, people will buy clothes, blankets, etc.) is kinda dumb once you know the sex. If it were a girl, gender neutral stuff looks to boyish, if it's a boy, it's not enough boy.
Either way it's obv. your and your DH's choice, and I think if you are going to, his answer is appropriate.
I can't tell by how you phrased your question, but do you WANT to tell? If you do, then by all means go ahead. You didn't swear your allegiance to Team Green, things change, life happens, if you want to shout it from the rooftops then DO IT!
If you don't want to tell, then I think Ryan has the perfect answer there. There were extenuating circumstances which led to a very precious last gift for your FIL. I actually admire the honesty, I probably would have lied. Honestly, when I hear the whole "Oh, we know what we're having but we're not telling" I think of that "Pregnant Women are Smug" song. However, its not that your'e just not telling, its that you wanted it to be a surprise, you let one person in on it for a very good reason, but for the most part its still a surrpise.
i was thinking this too, I sense you want to tell but also want to honor Ryan's point of view. His answer is great and keeps things in perspective. Another thing is people give you what they want to give you, it is not fun to buy baby gear it is fun to buy clothes and toys so people will regardless of what you are having.(so don't let that be your reason for not telling)
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This is a more eloquant way of saying what I was trying to say.
Another option I just thought of that might satisfy all involved:
Announce at your shower! Help your hostess pick a boy theme, or if it's already themed, add an "It's a BOY!" banner and some boy accents. Or do the cake thing that people do. I would love a gender reveal at a shower, I think it is so cute, you get to tell, and people have already bought you the useful stuff!
Exactly this.
I love your H's answer! I would keep it a surprise. I think it's very sweet and sentimental that your DH's parents are the only ones to know the sex. If my DH could keep a secret, we would have still found out this time and kept it a secret from everyone else.
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Keep it to yourselves. Your DH's answer is great
We found out with both girls but with Taryn, we kept it a secret...so only my DH and I knew and it was nice having a little secret between us.
I completely agree with this.
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I'd just say "we're letting it be a surprise." That way, you aren't saying that you're just not telling, you're going to surprise them.
Obviously I'm pro-secret.
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