Maine Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Men are so weird
Seth is in Houston covering the Olympic Trials so I'm a single mom for 5 days. I was thinking last night, there isn't any one thing in the world that could pull me away from my baby for 5 days. I don't care if someone wanted to fly me to California for a baking seminar. I would not leave Abrahm.
I'm guessing that it is common for fathers to have different relationships with their kids than the mother.
Are your husbands like that?
Re: Men are so weird
Hm, we ditched our kid without a second thought to go to Hawaii for a week last year before he was 2. And I've had to travel for business for 2-3 days at a time, even when he was little little. I didn't want to go, but that was more because I just didn't want to do work travel, not that I'd miss James so horribly or something that I put my foot down. The younger he was, the harder the travel was and I'd only allow myself to be gone one night when he was under a year (I think that's how it was- my memory is fuzzy.)
DH on the other hand never goes anywhere, but if he had to do something for work, I think he'd probably be the same.
Don't get me wrong, when we're away we miss the little guy and enjoy hearing his voice either in the background or for a "conversation" to make a connection during the absence, but I'm not so connected to him that I can't enjoy some time away. I like my independence and don't feel bad about devoting some time and energy to something else for a period of time.
Please don't ask me to be gone for longer than 2 weeks though- that I don't know that I could take. I think that's my limit. And the first thing I want when I walk through the door is to get big, long snuggles and to not let go!
My DH is the same way. I don't think he would have a problem going away.
I have had to leave them for work once, and it was tough. They were younger then. Now, I honestly look forward to the break sometimes. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with them, and just being mommy, but I also enjoy some non kid time away. We usually get an overnight sitter at least once a month, sometimes twice, but we try not to make it a habit.
DH has done several overnights away for fun - whole weekends, and even an extended weekend this summer. I have not been apart from DS for more than a work day so far - I'm totally fine with that. I bring DS with me shopping and had him in the nursing home visiting my dad for his last days and in the hospital when my niece was on life support. DS has been my rock, he's my constant, my reminder that life isn't so bad - even when it's awful.
I'd be a total mess without DS at this point in my life; I do know I have times when I could handle a break if the opportunity was there, but not for more than a couple hours.
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!
MH wouldn't choose to leave me for 5 nights so I doubt he would once we have kids, unless it is a trip for the two of us (which will likely happen every once in awhile). But MH got pretty traveled out because of constant work trips to Houston and Vegas.
For us, the better question is whether it's likely that we'll each have to leave for 5 nights or so for work travel from time to time? Sadly yes. I don't think either of us will like it but we'll find a way to deal.
We're considering an overnight in a few weeks and I know I'm the only one having a hard time with it. My parents pretty much beg to see DS and are always willing to babysit, but I just don't see a reason for him to not be sleeping in his own bed. Going out for a date night with just me & DH is something I understand and need from time to time, leaving him overnight with someone else right now though just seems selfish.
I don't think DH would have a problem leaving for a business trip or vacation alone, though. He seemed to transition back to work with no problem, and didn't even take a week off from playing basketball when DS was only 4 days old. I have no doubt that he loves DS, but I can see that we have very different relationships with him already.
I have had to leave for a few days since having DD and the first time was really hard (lots of tears) but the next few times I have been sad but have been able to keep it together. ::shrugs:: It's what I have to do to keep me competitive (presenting at conferences) so I do it.
We pretty much split parenting duties 50/50 though, I can see it would be harder if you were the more active caretaker.
Umm....I *still* cry when I have to leave to go to work sometimes. And I only leave Adrian with DH. For the first time since August, we had someone else watch Adrian for an hour on Wednesday for an appointment for DH...and it was with his adoptive grandmother-our neighbor who sees him almost daily.
DH would not want to be overnight from me ever in our relationship. He'd leave the little guy during the day no problem, but he'd have a hard time overnight. If there was something that he was passionate about, I think he would do it, but he'd do a lot of whining. For me, there's nothing I'm more passionate about than being a mother so there's no way I'd leave.
DH never had a family as a kid...his mom left him when he was 2 and he was raised by his dad who worked a lot. So, I think he may be a bit atypical in that he's soaking in this family time he has never had.
My niece used to cry and say "I want to come to work with you, Daddy" to my BIL-- and he would just look at my sister and say, "How can I leave this?" For someone as low-key/non-emotional as he is, I think it flabbergasted him that this little person cared about him so much (even though he wasn't super-attached to her until she got old enough to walk and talk). He would call out from time to time because he hated to leave her crying so passionately.
My old trainer once cancelled his entire day of appointments-- he told most of his clients he was sick, but he told me that his kids so rarely ask him to stay home, that when they do, he always agrees because he loves to spend time with him. And his other job is a Drill Instructor for the Army (or maybe it's the Marines)...
I know MH has said that he would be happy to be a SAHD, but that we want the two incomes so it won't happen. I don't know how he'll be when we actually have kids, though. I do suspect, however, that I'll be more willing to leave the kids for 5 days than he would be. But who knows if that will change once I've carried a child in my body for 10 months?
Matt doesn't have a choice - he is away from E Tuesday evening thru Saturday morning. But, on the nights he stays at my house, he visits E at daycare for a few minutes before going to work. I know it was really hard on him when he and his ex-wife first separated and half of E's stuff was gone, he wasn't there every night, etc.
I don't think either of us would hesitate to go on a vacation for a week or so, though, and I am pretty sure I'll feel that way even about kids I give birth to, once they're old enough to understand the concept of hanging out with a baby-sitter or visiting Grammy and Poppa.
Erika - you and I are twins separated at birth :-)
I love to travel, Tim travels for work about 1 week a month. Some times it's a week or more at a time, some times it's just a couple of days. Technology does wonders for staying connected.