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Help me stay sane...
Okay, so as most of you ladies already know, I have to drive an hour to work. Obviously, this is not ideal. However, I have a teaching job, which is a lot more than a big majority of recent college graduates in education can say, so I feel horrible when I get upset about the drive because I know that I could be worse off.
But, honestly, the drive is really starting to get to me. It's always kind of stunk, but lately I'm feeling really down in the dumps about my chances of getting a job closer to home. Nothing is opening up. This time the past 2 years, stuff had started to open up in the area, just not in my endorsement. Right now, there's literally nothing opening up in my area. On top of that, my new car has 10,000 miles on it, so it's broken in, but it's getting WAY worse gas mileage than the sticker promised, so I'm spending the same amount in gas each week that I was with the old car; the whole point of the new one was to spend less in gas. Spending $400 of my $1,600 monthly check on gas isn't very fun. I'm irritable in the morning when I have to get up 2 hours early so that I can get to work on time, and I'm cranky when I get home because all I want to do after work is be home and not drive an hour. Then, if I work out after work, I don't get home until about 6. I keep trying to see the light at the end of this commuting tunnel, but I'm really starting to loose hope. I just want to be able to have a "normal" workday that doesn't include 2 hours of driving.
DH has discussed the very real possibility that I may need to consider not teaching if this is making me so depressed feeling; he and my family and students are noticing changes in my typically bubbly attitude since coming back after Christmas break. I don't know what's up. I'm hoping it's the weather (you know, leaving for work in the dark and returning in the dark) and not me actually becoming depressed...
So... I don't know what I'm asking for here. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. But I guess some prayers or vibes to help me get out of this rut, and maybe find a job closer to town for next school year, would be nice.
Re: Help me stay sane...
Sorry you are having such a rough time. Seasonal depression is a very real thing for us Northern Stater's. You could buy a full spectrum bulb. We had one when we lived in Northern Wa. and it helped a lot. Vitamin D also helps increase energy and mood. These are both easy solutions.
I'll send you lots of good vibes. Hopefully you will be able to find a long term solution that makes up happier. Sometimes the universe like to keep us on our toes and then something lands in your lap when you least expect it!
I feel like I could have written your post. I can relate in so many ways. #1 I drive 2 hours to work and am looking for jobs closer to home, but they are few and far in between #2 I was a teacher for 8 years and know how bad the job market is for teachers #3 I wanted to quit my teaching after year 5. However, I decided to go back for my Ph.D. I am still in education, just not teaching 7th graders anymore. I now teach other people how to teach 7th graders.
So...here are my thoughts. My heart goes out to you. I am a firm believer that you need to be happy with what you are doing. My question is: What is making it bad for you? The drive or the actual teaching? Depending on your answer, you have two totally different issues to deal with.
If it is just the drive, then maybe you do need to take some time off and try to get your foot in the door at a district closer to home. Maybe sub for a year and then hope that something opens up.
If it is the teaching itself, then you need to explore what else you want to do. Go back to school for something like counseling or school psych? Or maybe do something else education related. While I was figuring out my life I was the Assistant Director at a Sylvan. It wasn't great money, but it tied me over until I figured out what I wanted to do.
I also know that some of my students have accepted positions at online schools. I don't know what you think about that, but it is always an option to stop the driving.
Sorry to ramble. I just know where you are coming from. I don't envy you at all, but know that you will figure out what is right for you. Good luck!
I honestly don't know how you drive 2 hours each way to work. I cannot fathom that in time and cost. I really hope that you are able to find something closer!
This is going to be long...
In response to if it's the teaching or the drive that is making me so miserable, I honestly don't know at this point. Most days, I feel like it's the drive, about 97% of the time really. I have tried to stay positive about the drive for the past 2 years, but I'm at the point where it's starting to bleed over into other parts of my life. I'm so tired all of the time, no matter how much sleep I get. It's so hard for me to get up the motivation to grade or plan at home because I feel like I'm working so much; because, let's be honest, the drive is part of my workday. I feel like a bad teacher because I don't attend all of the games to watch the kids; I just try to catch one of each sport because I don't want to be stuck at school from 7:30am-9 at night. I'm a big planner, and thinking about my future with the possibility of this drive is making me pretty upset.
DH and I don't want kids for another 3-5 years, but we want to be in our "forever" house by then, and that house would have to be in our current town; there's nowhere to live between our town and my school, unless I want to live in the town that I teach in which only has 500 people in it, and DH's job is in town. If I'm still driving this far, how can we possibly have a family because if I go to after school activities, I am stuck at school until whenever those games/dances/graduations are over. Then it's an hour drive home. I can't be a mom if I'm gone that much. I can't make my kids breakfast and send them off to school if I'm gone before they even have to get up. Not to mention that we would be financially struggling because a fourth of my check goes to gas.
But then sometimes, I think that it's the teaching that has me down. When I was student teaching, I loved it, but I was teaching in a pretty "rainbows and butterflies" school district. None of my students were failing, and parents were helpful and in constant contact with me. My current district is mostly low-income families who have parents who don't call me back or respond when I try to let them know their kid is not doing well. It exhausts me trying to get some of these kids and parents to care about their education. I don't want to be the teacher who gives up after three years. I want to give teaching more time, because I love being in front of a classroom, working with adolescents, and seeing the "ah-ha" moments. I just think that if I get in a different district without the drive, then I can really make a decision about the teaching. Does that make sense?
And I feel so, so guilty and terrible for complaining about these things. I have a job. I am so incredibly grateful for that because I don't know how DH and I would be living if I didn't. I am trying not to take my job for granted by looking for others and having these thoughts, and that makes me feel bad, too. Gosh, I feel like I've got issues.
I know it's a little thing, but something that helped me with hour-long commutes each way was audiobooks. At the time I didn't have time for any actual reading, but I did plenty of driving, so I got my book fix anyways. I know that doesn't help any of your problems really, but it might help a little bit with the emotional part of the driving itself.
I don't really have any other helpful advice, but we're always here if you just need to vent and get your emotions off your chest.
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Don't be so hard on yourself; it's all relative. People on this board will not judge you for this issue you're having; no one thinks you're ungrateful for feeling lousy about your job from time to time I'm sure!
You have legit concerns about your work situation right now. I like the PP's suggestion of perhaps subbing or taking alternative teaching work closer to home for a year and re-evaluating your. Is this feasible? That will allow you to take a step back from being in the middle of it all, and you can really get to the core of what's troubling you most.
My gut says that you don't dislike teaching per se, but that (as you mentioned in a previous post in this thread) you prefer teaching in a district with a more supportive and proactive group of parents. What's wrong with that?? I teach in an extra-curricular environment, and I want that of my kids' parents---it's probably a thousand times worse to have lackadaisical parents in an actual classroom.
I'm affected by the weather a lot too, so I get the whole "it's dark in the mornings, etc." but I feel that you shouldn't let your feelings slide on the matter.
Keep us posted!