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Am I being unrealistic?
My marriage is on the rocks, has been for a while. Long story short is we get along, he's nice, a good dad, but I'm not happy. I haven't been for a while. No intimacy, it's like we're roommates.
I keep going back and forth about if I should stay and try to fix it, or end it. We've been seeing a counselor for a few months now and I just started to see someone on my own as well. I keep doing the whole 'grass isn't greener on the other side' thing, and the what if's.
My question is, are there relationships out there where people are truly head over heels in love and that doesn't go away with time? Of course I understand there's ups and downs, good days and bad, but overall, I long to be truly truly happy and truly in love with the person I'm with. I long to look at my H and really want him...I don't have that right now, and I haven't for a long time. I want to 'want' my H.
Unrealistic? or not? I have so much going through my head lately sometimes I wonder if I'm longing for something that just doesn't exist...or only exists in movies 
Re: Am I being unrealistic?
How long have you been together and how old are you? My advice may vary depending on the answers to those questions.
I've been with my husband for over 10 years and we have 2 young children. I'll be honest, many many days go by where we're more roommate-like than passionate lover type. It's because life is busy and we've been together for a long time. But, I do find when we make time for each other (go out to dinner alone, etc) I feel closer and connected to him. It's just a lot more work than it was 10 years ago, when we didn't have to work at it.
I do think that that probably happens in every relationship. I think a lot of the fun and excitement of a new relationship is the novelty of it. I don't see how a relationship still has novelty after a long time. So, I do think the exciting love turns into a more solid or comfortable love. Which is a good thing too, but it's different.
Short answer, I do think your expectations may be unrealistic, but I also don't know if you settled too young, or didn't have an opportunity to experience life before being tied down. It sounds like you're just bored, and you have to take an active hand in keeping things exciting.
I am in my early 30's, together 8 years, married 5.
I guess I don't expect passionate lover type all of the time, but I don't ever get that from my H. Ever. Even when we go out or anything - I don't feel connected to him at all anymore. I don't feel wanted by my H. I don't feel like a priority in his life.
There is a post about this exact subject from yesterday. I would suggest going and looking for it because it had some helpful advice. Marriage is hard, but you should be happy more often that you are miserable. I say do whatever you feel is necessary so that if you walk away you can honestly say, ?I did everything I could, but it just wasn?t meant to be.?
Only you will know when you have exhausted your options, but Dr. Phil says you are never ready to leave if you still feel emotions-anger, hurt, resentment, sadness, etc.
Finally, life is too short. Give it an honest try but if you?re still miserable, get the heck out and consider it a lesson learned!
Maybe the grass really is greener elsewhere. That happens a lot, I think. Hell, that is exactly the case in every dating relationship you had before your husband.
It has been 12 years for us, and while we're not the same can't keep our hands off of each other long enough to watch a movie couple (thanks, Matrix, for ruining that), we are still in love, and it doesn't feel like he's just a roommate and companion at all.
I personally wonder if your problem is that your too involved in the what ifs - too involved in wondering if the grass is greener on the other side and therefore seeking it, without necessarily taking action just yet.
I've looked but I can't find the post...can anyone tell me what it's titled?
In a way I feel like I'm just tired of trying. I've felt this way on and off for probably 2-3 years and I'm tired of telling him what bothers me, only to see no changes. Sure, he isn't doing anything horrible, but I feel like when I tell him what bothers me I should see some sort of effort on his part to change things, or at least to try.
I don't know if I can say I gave it an honest try or not because in some ways, I'm tired. I'm sick of the back and forth. I feel like I don't even want to try any more. How can I give it my best shot when I don't feel the drive to try?
Very good point...I wonder this too at times. I think I worry too much about what might be and what can be rather than the issue at hand. A part of me wants to take action, and I'm terrified at the same time. I'm thinking of asking him if he'll go stay with his brother for a week or two, just to see how life is without him, but then I wonder if that'll do more harm than good. Not sure if that's a good idea or not?