June 2008 Weddings
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Mom Guilt re: going away

I am really excited because DH has offered to "whisk me away" for a 4 night trip to celebrate my 30th birthday coming up this fall.  We have looked into options and found the perfect cruise and I was feeling so excited, until I realized it will be the first time we have both been away from our kid(s) for longer than 1 night.  

I have never had issues in the past going away for up to a whole weekend, but DH has always been holding down the fort.  He's used to that from being home all summer, so I trust him as much as myself.  But 4 nights, both of us gone? 

DH wanted me to book today but I haven't yet because I'm battling all these feelings of guilt.  Part of me says it's only 4 days.  I only turn 30 once, and the kids will have a great time with grandma (who has already offered her services.)

The other part of me feels like we should be doing something as a family instead.

Sigh.  :( 

Married in 2008 - DD born in 2010 - EDD 6.15.2012!

Re: Mom Guilt re: going away

  • I am no help, since I don't think I could do that either yet... But for my 30th this year we are meeting my parents somewhere so we could leave Evie with them for a night but I'll still be there. WE are going to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta in October :)
  • I am no help, we have no family close so we have never been away from her overnoght. but I say do it, grandparents are there, they have offered, and you already take fabulous family vacations--you deserve a couples vacation too.

    And on a side note, teaching in Colorado must not pay nearly as well as it does in Michigan--I am sp jealous of all the trips you guys go on

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  • As long as you 100% trust whoever will be taking care of the kids, I say you should do it. It is healthy for you as a mom to get away, it is healthy for you and DH as a couple to get away, and it is healthy for your kids to spend time with the other important people in their lives. I have left Jack with my parents for a weekend and he had such a great time. He was thrilled to see Mommy and Daddy when we got back, but he was also so excited to talk about all the special things he did with Grandma and Grandpa, and his relationship with them was stronger b/c of that visit. 

      

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  • I know exactly where you are coming from because i was feeling the same way before we booked our cruise, but my DH and i need the "us" time since we rarely get it.

    We are leaving our babies for 9 days =( but i know they will be in great hands with my parents. We are going to take the babies on a mini vacation during the summer. 

     I hope you decide to go. Every couple needs a few days for just themselves every once and a while. =) 

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  • I went away for four nights for my 30th and it was great. The first day and the first night away were rough, but I am so glad I went. I went to DC with my mother and H was home with Alex. I was just barely pregnant with Cori at the time. I felt so much guilt leaving H and Alex, but in the end it was such a great trip, and so worth it, especially since I knew Alex was fine. H had never been alone with Alex for so long, and I was really nervous about how he'd deal, but he was fine and she had a blast. I'm sure Natalie will enjoy spending time with the grandparents, and them with her (and the baby right?).

    The guilt will be there, but as long as you know the kids are in good hands, it shouldn't be an issue. I'd think the regret of a vacation with just your H would be worse than the guilt, but that could be just me. 

  • Dh and I went away (well 2 nights about 2 hours away) for our anniversary and it was wonderful!  I loved being able to just be husband and wife and not mom and dad.  Yes, I missed my kids, but it was so nice to just do what we wanted, go out to eat, sleep late, etc.

    This summer DHs friend is getting married in San Diego and DH and I are going.  We are going from July 5 -10th and I am excited!  I am sad to leave my kids, but at this point I am not interested in a family vacation with 3 kids under 3.  It just wouldn't be fun, and we don't want to miss the wedding.  So we are leaving them with MIL.  

    My advice would be... go away!  Enjoy the time with your husband.  The kids are young and won't be too upset you went on a vacation without them ;-)

  • DO IT!  4 days is a great way to ease in and see how you feel.  In this day and age even though it's a cruise you can still be in touch (cell, video chat, etc).

    Our first real trip was New Orleans for 4 days and it was great - we missed her but it was also so fun to come home and see her all excited to see us.  Plus, she had so much fun w/ Grandma.  

    I don't think you'll regret it.  We liked it to much that we're planning to go away two more times this year, lol.  We're going to Ireland in March/April and then maybe something for our anniversary.  Our thinking is we hope to get pregnant this year so that means the start of a long while w/ no real travel/vacations again so want to milk it while we can.

    ETA: and now after our recent family vacation to Florida I am convinced that traveling with kids isn't vacation.  it's family memories and bonding time sure, but it wasn't even a little bit relaxing! 

  • imageamybyrd:

    I am no help, we have no family close so we have never been away from her overnoght. but I say do it, grandparents are there, they have offered, and you already take fabulous family vacations--you deserve a couples vacation too.

    And on a side note, teaching in Colorado must not pay nearly as well as it does in Michigan--I am sp jealous of all the trips you guys go on

    I agree with Amy, you've taken Natalie on some pretty cool vacations already so you shouldn't feel bad! You'll have a great time and I really don't think you'll regret it after you've gone.

    I know you're close with your family, so you know they'll be in good hands. Sometimes I'll stay with my mom when she has my niece and nephew for the night. The kids love it and it's good bonding time for all of us :)

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  • I agree with everyone else, go ahead and go. You deserve it! If DH and I had the same opportunity I would definitely go. I am sure they will be fine with Grandma. 
  • I think it would be great for you and DH to have 4 days of uninterrupted alone time. Especially since you know the kiddos will be safe and happy. 
  • We left Neena for 5 days when we went to Mexico in October and I felt the guilt, but it subsided quickly once we were in Meexico and connecting as a couple (read as: having lots of sex and acting like we did before we had a kiddo!) We had a fabulous time and so did Neena, who stayed with grammy and grampy.

    With that being said, I don't know if I could have left her that long if she had been under a year and still nursing a lot. Are you going to be comfortable with the pumping and not breastfeeding the little one? (I'm assuming you are nursing #2).You need to do what you feel comfortable with. :-)

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  • I font have any experience with this since I haven't spent a night away from either of my kids, but I imagine the guilt and the worry will be there the first time you leave them with someone else whether you do it when they are 6 months or 6 years old. 

     I would say go for it as long as the nursing/pumping thing won't be too much of an issue.  

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  • Thank you so much for the encouragement, girls.  It really helps me realize that the guilt is really a common thread of parenting.  It really hit me when I realized I couldn't really regret going, only NOT going.  So, we are going!  Yay!

    And for those who asked about nursing, yes, I am planning to nurse, but with Natalie I pumped as often as I actually put her to the breast, and I have no problem pumping for the entire time I am away.  We experienced latch issues last time around, so I'd actually be fine with EPing this time if that's what works.  :)

    Married in 2008 - DD born in 2010 - EDD 6.15.2012!
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