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Why does this make me so angry? NSOR
My cousin lives with me and is completely coddled by both of her parents who live 2 hours away but call every single day to talk (both of them at separate times) and text all day on top of that. Okay, so I work at the college where she is attending. We are getting snow today, and most of the high schools around are now letting out early, but we are still on. She has 4 classes today and said her dad (who lives 2 hours away, where they are getting the majority of it) told her that she should stay in because she has rear-wheel drive. I told her that I didn't like the thought of her missing 4 classes, that we haven't cancelled and to just take it slow and easy and she will be fine.
She just text me that she isn't going to class because her life is more important and the roads must be pretty bad to let area schools out. This girl doesn't have a job, she doesn't pay rent, and now she picks and chooses when she goes to school. I had no idea how different we were until we were living under one roof, and I am getting to the point that I just can't stand being around her! I want her to pay rent, I want her to get a job...and with her parents having her in a bubble, that will never happen! Every time I get home, she is there, and she is just sitting in a chair, and will proceed to sit there all night (until she goes to bed), and do nothing but sit on facebook or do homework.
Sorry if this is hard to read. I am so angry I think I typed it in record time! But WHY is it making me so angry, I am usually not like this?
Re: Why does this make me so angry? NSOR
I have a story for you:
Back when I was an undergrad, my parents were way overprotective. They probably still would be if I allowed it. Anyway, one evening (I had an evening calc lab) it started snowing, not too hard like a blizzard or anything, but enough that I was glad I was riding the bus rather than driving. Suddenly, the campus police banged the door open and burst into the room with all the drama of Briscoe and Green, flipped open a tablet, and said "Is there a... (pause to check the tablet) ...Lady Kuus here?"
OMG. A million scenarios went through my head. I've been framed for drugs and I'm being kicked out of school. My whole family died and the campus cops have to notify me so I can identify the bodies. Nothing good could come of this, I was sure of it.
I tentatively raised my hand, and the cops came hurrying over to give me the message. "Your mother says the roads are getting bad. You should go home now."
I think that since it is my place, we will make it one year (hopefully in May), and then it will be time for her to move out and get her own apartment, whatever. I can't live like this another year. I think it is all within me. I think her living there is a constant reminder that I am divorced and living with my 18 y.o. cousin in my condo, rather than living with my husband in our house. This has brought up feelings I didn't know that I still had, and I can't believe how it makes me feel.
Her dad fixed my car, so that was the first semester's "rent", but I made that clear, I figured they would ask what I wanted for rent come January, but they haven't. I hate talking money (so that's my fault) but I need to do something because I am resenting this whole situation.
Okay, this is a bunch of wimpy nonsense. Just tell her that you don't want to live with her any more, and don't renew the lease on the apartment. Get a new one that's just you, and don't let her move in. Easy peasy.
I think you are just frustrated that someone is in your space without paying rent. Which would totally peeve me, but I wouldn't allow to happen. Why would you let her live there rent free in the first place?
Aside from that I think you are making a way bigger deal of things. It's really none of your business if she doesn't have a job or doesn't attend classes. I missed WAY more than one day of classes when I was in school and yet somehow I managed to be a fully functioning adult with a great job in my career path. Honestly I see her point about the weather. I'd totally stay home too, driving in snow makes me nervous and if area high schools are letting out, it seems more than justified on her end, not that she should have to justify it to you.
Ummm WHAT? You totally set yourself up for this. Why in the world would this be their place to ask YOU? For someone who is complaining about an 18 year old not being able to act like an adult, you really aren't acting like one either here.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said its because you're divorced and living with an 18 year old instead of your H. This is why, no matter how much more financially smart it is, I won't get a roommate. I'd rather live upstairs in my parents house than "take a step back" (living w my parents is not a step back to me for y own reasons) and live with a roommate like I did in college.
Are you in therapy? It might help to deal with these feelings and give you the support to talk to her parents about money for rent and getting her into a new place next year.
I'm with PDX on this part. I didn't have a job when I was in undergrad, either. So yes, my time was spent messing around on my computer, going to club/activity meetings, hanging out with friends, and class. That's the beauty of being a college student--you really don't have much in the way of responsibilities. I also missed (or slept through!) my fair share of classes in college...missing one day is not going to kill her college career. Frankly, if she's THAT uncomfortable driving in the snow, she shouldn't. She'll be a danger to herself and others if she doesn't know how to properly drive in the snow. Colleges often don't cancel when high schools do because so many college students live on campus and only need to walk, not drive. Most of them also have policies where it is an excused absense if the weather makes you feel too unsafe to drive to class.
The rent thing is a whole different issue.
When I was in college I chose what classes to attend/not attend also. That's the beauty of being 18. I also didn't work while going to school either. I worked in the summer but not during the semester. I am fairly certain I also used to come home and spend hours on the computer or just doing homework. At 18 you don't have the responsibilities that you have as an adult.
If you want rent I would ask her parents to pay you rent. Seems like something they should be happy to do if they are that involved in her life.
I don't think her parents paying you rent is going to change the way you feel about her not acting like a responsible adult or their style of parenting. Perhaps you need to tell her and her parents that she needs to move out by a certain date as well as ask for money to cover her expenses until she does move out. Then you should consider getting a roommate who is closer to your age and actually has a job to help pay your bills if you need help with money. If the parents refuse to pay you then at least they have a set date where she needs to find a new place to live.
This! Get a new lease that is just for you.