Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Couple reveals child's gender after five years
Personally, I think it is ridiculous to keep your kid's gender a secret, but maybe that is just me.
Re: Couple reveals child's gender after five years
I hope they enjoy paying for that kid's years and years and years of therapy ahead of him. They are so completely out there and weird, and they're going to F that kid up for life. They're going to subject their kid to years of bullying and torture in school all because of their selfish little ideas and cynical view of the world. Poor kid.
ETA: If they want to live that way, fine. But how about you try your little experiment using yourself as the subject, not your kid.
This is stupid, imvho, and I consider myself to be pretty open-minded. Your kid is a boy, and not letting the world know is lame. He can still wear sparkles.
God, I hate it when people use their kids to make statements like that.
did the big reveal involve blue cake icing?
Are they not aware that you can be out as a boy or a girl, and still wear and play with whatever you want? Wyatt spent half of the morning in a fabulous sleeping beauty gown crashing trucks into the wall.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Broc I agree with you about that... I would TOTALLY put my daughter in skull prints! WTF!)
All I can think of is Danae, from NonSequeitur.:)
I think those parents are nuts -- they could have asked for non gender specific toys when it was time for Christmas, a birthday or what have you. Get the kid a puzzle, a book, etc... or something he or she can do with their hands or where the gift entails creativity.
I don't disagree with you. However, I think that's a choice the kid should make for himself, not for the parents to do for him. They made it such a political-type statement and AW'd themselves that it seems ridiculous. And then they do this big reveal, pretty much setting the kid up to be bullied until he's out of college.
It's fine if a kid chooses on his/her own to wear glittery or skull-clad shirts (Toddler Malibu has a black onesie with skulls on it!) regardless of gender, but the way these parents did it makes me squicky, like they used their kid for some weird experiment when he didn't have a say in it. If I felt that passionately about gender stereotyping, I'd be the one choosing to do it for my own life, not subjecting my kid to it. It's not like I have to go through middle school again. This kid does.
ETA: I said a political-type statement, even though it really isn't. I'm tired and couldn't think of a better way to put it.
I think that gender identity plays far too large a role in a child's life. That said, these people are nuts. When you refuse to help a child to understand the role that their gender plays in their identity, then you are teaching them that it is something to be ashamed of.
You teach a kid "hey, you're a boy and this is what that means for most people, but it isn't what it has to mean because you are also an individual and individual identity trumps gender identity if gender identity is in conflict" in a million small ways, and let them know people and ideas that do not fit traditional roles.
But what do I know? I have a six month old. The only thing he uses his penis for is to pee on his own feet.
A gender identity is the default position of gender that you are born with. Nobody says that you have to keep that default position (well, some people do, but they're idiots) but that does not mean that it does not exist.
What bothers me is that they set a limit on what sort of masculine clothing he could wear, but they didn't on the feminine. I understand wanting him to make his own choices, but then do it all the way. By not allowing, the "hypermasculine" clothing, they've already sent him the message, that's the wrong choice.
So, kids can't be kids if they're wearing skulls?
I can sort of understand the gender-neutral thing regarding toys/clothes but making it a big secret isn't really helping him.
Baby Geek plays with his Hot Wheels, we also make jewelry and he's the proud owner of a feather boa. Its ALL fun. I don't point him in the direction of "boy things" its more like "what looks like it will be fun (and maybe educational)?" I guess my point is that while its important to know your gender, YOU define who you are - what your interests are, etc. DH and I are very 'gender neutral' when it comes to chores as well and make sure to point out that "daddy is cooking/cleaning" and "mommy just took the car in to get looked at". For DH and I its all about BG being self-sufficient when he's older. Its not about gender, its about what his interests are and being able to take care himself.
this. he's allowed to wear the shiny, pink bathing suit, but a shirt with skulls is "hypermasuline"? i would argue a shiny, pink bathing suit is "hyperfeminine" and that those people are ridiculous AWs.
It's ok to wear pink sparkly bathing suits, but no cargo pants or skulls?
I love the first commenter "Good parents are ones you don't have to recover from."
My daughter has a ton of gender neutral things, clothes, toys, bedding. Mainly because I want more children, and I'm too cheap to invest in everything twice.
We live in a land of tractors, dump trucks and pink baby dolls. I don't think that DS is going to be traumatized by either. If he wanted something pink and sparkly, I'd get it for him.
But I do kind of hate skulls, so there you are.
I think the whole thing is ridiculous. Instead of being militant and AW-y about gender roles, how about you just allow the kid to be normal and have an open mind with whatever gender idenity your child chooses for himself/herself.
So, let's say this kid is now teased by his peers for not having a gender identity for the first 5 years of his life. I can see this experiment backfiring in a major way, because by the time the kids a teenager, he may overcompensate in terms of masculine behavior and start instigating bar fights and crushing cans on his head. He'll always be searching for an idenity, or think that an identity is a role to play, rather than just what you are. If that makes sense.
Ditto the comment "the good parents are the ones you don't have to recover from." That pretty much sums it up.