July 2009 Weddings
LindsayB0505
member
Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Only Child?
Is anyone here an only child?
We always thought we would have two, maybe three kids. Now we are re-thinking that idea. Probably we would really only have a second for Mackenzie to have a sibling. DH has a brother and I have two sister's so neither of us knows what it is like to be an only child. I actually do not even know anyone who is an only child.
So, if you are an only child how did/do you feel about it, pros and cons?
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Re: Only Child?
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I'm an only child & Dh is a pseudo-only child in that he had a half brother and sister, but they were from his dad's first marriage and are 20 years older than him, so he never lived with them, etc.
We both HATED it (and quite often still hate it) and have both said we would never do this to a kid. BUT I think that has to do with our parents. His parents are very smothering & doting...and mine are always on my case about something because they have nothing else to focus on.
I would agree with the statement that I feel like I missed out on some things. I think DH felt this part less because he has a bigger family. I have basically no family, so I never had anyone to do stuff with. It got lonely at home at times.
But it could also be what you make of it for Kenzie.
That's just my take on it!
Im going to post on the PB about this, but i'll have to wait until the next nap time.
I am. My parents had me when they were in their late 30's and tried to have another child for 5 years after me, but wound up having a late term miscarriage and a stillborn baby. After their 2 losses they looked into adoption, but were not able to afford it at that point in their lives.
I do miss that I never had the sibling experience. As a teenager I always felt like there was an inordinate amount of pressure put on me to be involved in everything and be a "dream child" since all of my parents hopes/dreams were on me. There were also a lot of perks-parents only concerned with my athletics, ability to commit to time consuming activities, etc...
As an adult, I really wish I had siblings. When I think about my parents aging, it makes me sad that I will not have siblings to remember them with. I do have vey close connections with my dads side of the family, but cousins are not the same as a sibling.
If you are considering having an only child, my suggestion is to make sure you are regularly reaching out to family members the child's age, allow your child to be independent of the parents, and make sure you have all of your final wishes postmortem written down. It sounds morbid, but the thought of being the only one to have all the postmortem decisions on my shoulders is overwhelming-I asked my parents to write theirs down when I was in high school.
I have two siblings, so I am not speaking from experience here, but these are my thoughts.
- I grew up with some friends as only children, and they weren't a huge fan. They loved the attention, but hated the attention.
- I told someone I know that I was pregnant (before the m/c) and she was like oh that is wonderful! I was an only child and I would hate for you to only have 1. She also said that growing up she got dolls and books and that was great, but when she got board games she had no on to play it with and there were only so many times she wanted to play with her parents.
- I am not sure I would want the complete burden of being and only child when my parents are older or when they die (in the very very distant future). Even when my father was in the hospital, and 95% of the responsibility fell on me, it was nice to have them for back up (even if they sucked at it haha).
You need to do whatever is best for your family. I am sure there are many only children that are perfectly happy being that and I would never judge a family for making that choice
Time for the other side of the coin
I am an only child, and I honestly would not change it for the world. Yes, there were times growing up that I wished I had a sibling to play with. However, I am extremely close to my parents and I think being an only child has a lot to do with that. I also think that I'm more independent because of it. My parents definitely held me to high standards (and still do), but that has only made me a better person.
I definitely think about the responsibility of caring for my parents when I'm older, and all of that falling on me. It is overwhelming to think of at times, but I also am so fortunate to have a husband who loves my parents as his own and would do anything for them. I know that the responsibility will never truly be all mine because he will take just as much of the burden as I will.
Anyway, just my two cents. Obviously everyone has a different take on their own situation, and bottom line, you need to make the decision that is right for your family. I have no doubt that you are a wonderful momma no matter what you decide!