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My boyfriend always rejects having sex with me
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have sex maybe once every 4-6 weeks, which is no where close to how regular I want it, I'm 26 and he's 32 and this just doesn't seem normal. We recently moved in together and since then have sex only every 4-6 weeks and even before we never had it that often since we didn't have a place or the privacy. He never wants to have sex and the only times we do is when I come on to him and he agrees. I used to come on to him all the time but out of the 15 times I would come on to him he would have sex with me once. Now I have been rejected so many times that I don't make an effort anymore. I have addressed this with him that I want to be more sexually active but he always has some sort of excuse. Like he's not happy with how cluttered the second bedroom is and it's stressing him out, or how he doesn't like that the christmas tree was still up in the start of January and it's stressing him out. We fight a lot, I mean a lot, he's very hot headed and tempermentant and anything and everything makes hims mad and then he uses that as an excuse not to have sex with me. Now I am so pent up that the lack of sex makes us fight even more. I have tried to fix everything that he says stresses him out in order for him not to be stressed so that we could get back on track with our relationship, but then he just finds other excuses to reject me and not have sex with me and on top of it he always says he is too tired that I really don't believe. He is fully aware that I want to be more sexually active and he has made no effort towards fixing it. All this has led to me not being happy, feeling depressed, unattractive, andlacking any confidence , and I feel like I don't make him happy, like he's not attracted to me, and like I'm not good enough for him even though I know he loves me unconditionally and does not want to end this relationship. And I know for sure he is not seeing anyone else or having an affair. I
'm not sure what to do anymore and just the thought of our lack of sex life and the way our relationship is going brings tears to my eyes and I just can not handle it anymore.
Re: My boyfriend always rejects having sex with me
Edited because the Nest is being stupid.
DTMFA. (Dump The M F'er Already)
He is your boyfriend, not your husband. If your sex life had been more frequent before moving in together and just suddenly dropped off due to work or stress or a medical condition, I would be suggesting that you push for a doctor's visit or counseling. But it didn't. The frequency just wasn't ever there. It probably won't ever be there.
So dump him and get another boyfriend with whom you have sexually compatible needs. Perhaps your dumping him will cause him to wake up and get a medical check up or whatever, but no matter what - he is not the guy for you. You can already see the damaging effects of no sex - feelings of inadequacy, feelings of disconnection and irritation -- so just imagine how much stronger those feeling would be in 20 years rejection.
DTFMA. Trust me.
This really is pretty academic:
Cut your losses and go.
You are now sexually imcompatible. Why do you want to stay with a boyfriend you need to fix?
He also sounds horrendously lazy. WOW -- he thinks the bedroomis cluttered? Why doesn't HE do something about it?? He is stressed out over a Christmas tree? Then take it down and toss it/put it back in its box and away until next season!!!!
Please don't tell me that you are this jerk's maid, too.
Get rid of this guy. Cut your losses and go. That;s the end of that.
And this is particularly dump-worthy: get rid of him NOW:
We fight a lot, I mean a lot, he's very hot headed and tempermentant and anything and everything makes hims mad and then he uses that as an excuse not to have sex with me.
HUGE red flag here --- he's got anger managment problems and he is also controlling and manipulative.
Pack your stuff and RUN -- don't walk -- to the nearest exit. What an azzhole this guy is. (and all of a sudden, this trait of his showed up after yo moved in...I'm finding that a little tough to swallow)
I don't understand why you're still with him?
. All this has led to me not being happy, feeling depressed, unattractive, andlacking any confidence , and I feel like I don't make him happy, like he's not attracted to me, and like I'm not good enough for him
This does not sound like "The one", you sound like you need someone who is more passionate...this guy obviously does not hold that quality you find so important.
OK usually i hate seeing dump him advise passed around but in this case i absolutely agree. DUMP HIM, GRAB YOUR *** AND RUN. this combination of sexual manipulation, excuses, and laziness are unacceptable and things are only going to get worse NOT better this is not the type of guy you can fix and honestly if at 32 he is this uncaring of a partner their is no hope of change. you can do better
also ... my fiance can be like this but he had a very traumatic childhood, he got me pregnant on intentionally. yes i do love him and yes we are in a better place BUT it took 5 years to get to this better place and if i could roll back time i would not have made the same choices, the shame, fear, doubt, and insecurity that come from constant sexual rejection are not worth a happy outcome i could easily have gotten from someone else sans baggage
do not allow him to manipulate you with sex, if he says that the clutter in the second bedroom is bothering him say 'well lets get to it you go ahead and get started while i put on a pot of coffee and i will meet you in their in a minute.'
He got you pregnant unintentionally? Takes 2 to tango.
I can't see staying with a guy who is broken...so was yours. But to each his own.
To the OP: run like hell. There's nothing here to love.
I would dump him on the temper and anger issues he has, without even considering the lack of sex issues. All of that compounded sounds like a disaster.
And to rhythmsomebody-
I hate having to say this but....RUN LIKE HELL!
If that is what is going on, it will only get worse, not better. Some of what you described is extremely controlling behavior, and abusive. I'm not going to say a relationship should be awesome 100% of the time, but they shouldn't make you feel like crap more often than not either. And that "love" sounds pretty conditional to me GET OUT OF THERE! You wouldn't stay in a house while it burned down around you would you?
You are worth SO much more than that, and you deserve better.
This.
Sounds like he is just not that into you. Cut your losses.