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Update from Thursday night....(sorry long)
Hi ladies,
I'm sorry I had to post and run Thursday night without really being able to explain the situation. We were about ready to head out to a music education conference and I just got back.
So, the situation. I've posted a couple times about DH's younger sister who was born with FAS (she was adopted as a baby) and has several mental and learning issues. She and her very co-dependent boyfriend (who none of us really approve of) got pregnant this past spring and had their baby this past September. Thank God she was born healthy because of their previous "lifestyle habits", there could have been issues. Well, I've seen our niece only once, the day they came home from the hospital, and because of DH's sister's anxiety, she really never talks to anyone in the family except for DH's dad, who pretty much pays for everything and visits everyday. Whenever we ask how they are doing, he just says "Oh they are doing great." He's so overprotective of them and completely naive to the reality of the situation. Things were not ok, and child services removed the baby from the house Thursday.
So that leads to our voicemail Thursday evening where we found out the baby was removed from the family and put her into a foster home. However, child services wants the baby to stay with someone in the family, while they figure out the situation. We've been pretty much asked to be FOSTER PARENTS to our four month old niece. Oh. My. God. Freak out commence!!!
Because we were at a music ed conference it's been really hard to figure out all what's going on, and the slew of phone calls from 2 different child service offices (because we live in a different county from our niece) along with other family members has been overwhelming. We've been told it would be temporary, but we don't know what "temporary means." 1 week? a month? Several months? We are about ready to start graduate auditions and interviews in the next couple weeks and between my coaching speech and David's percussion ensemble, we are gone literally every Saturday until the end of March. We plan on moving this summer, most likely out of state for graduate school
But nothing is set in stone, and we don't even know what if any legal implications there might be within the family as a result of the situation. There should be a meeting with child services and all the family members involved sometime this week, and if they do decide that moving our niece into our home temporarily is the best option, they will do a walk through check of our home. They are in the process of doing background checks on us.
So, yeah, we're going to need lots of prayers. I was an only child with no babies in my extended family, so I feel like I'm going in this completely blind. DH obviously grew up with lots of babies and kids around, but he's working ridiculous hours so I feel like I'm going to be raising this baby on my own. I'm going to have to stop most of my part time jobs so I'm worried about the financial strain. We don't have ANYTHING baby related, so hopefully either child services and our families will be able to help out and supply us with things like a crib, a car seat, clothes, all of that stuff. DH's dad has completely gone off the deep end and refuses to see the reality of the situation, which really hurts DH. We're going up to visit him tomorrow to try to get more of the story and try to get some answers before meeting with the social worker this week.
Thanks for listening and putting up with this huge saga. Any prayers for us, our niece, our family, our future, would be great. I know God will provide, it's just a matter of trusting him in this situation!!
Married Bio and For Sale! Updated 12/23"And now you stand before me today, and with all my heart I say, that you are God's miracle to me." June 18th, 2011
Re: Update from Thursday night....(sorry long)
Oh man, I think I missed your post Thurs night but... oh man. That's definitely a lot of take it. It's horrible that your family is in this situation and that poor baby. Not a good way to start a life. =(
It sounds like as much as you want to be able to help it could be a huge problem for you two. Especially just starting out in your marriage and having a newborn thrown in. I guess my best advice is try not to feel obligated. It would be absolutely amazing of you and your H to take in his niece but sometimes financially/physically/mentally it's not possible. Is there any chance that his Dad could take care of her for the time being? It seems like he's really close to her and the situation (although I don't know if that's a good or bad thing).
I guess if you do choose to take her in for the time being it would be good practice for mommyhood.
Especially if you haven't been around babies that much before.
Whatever you choose, good luck! We know you'll make the right decision and you and your fam are in my T&Ps! Keep us posted on what you decide.
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Oh wow... that's huge. First, I hope everything is okay with the baby's parents, and things will get worked out and they'll get the help they clearly need. Second, wow on being asked to take the baby. I completely agree with Dana that you should not do this simply out of feeling obligated, especially when there IS no defined period of time, but that being said, a child going to the foster system is almost not an option at all if there's an alternative, IMO. While it would be a HUUUUGE change in your life, it would be nowhere near the impact of if the baby enters the system and, god forbid, never leaves. Luckily she isn't old enough now to know anything about it, and hopefully things will be worked out before she does, but you just never know.(I'll get off the soapbox now lol)
I know there's still a lot to be discussed with your family and the child services offices, but just keep everything in mind for the child's best interest - you're a great person, and I know you will do everything you can for her!
I just wanted to say that this is a baby, not an obligation. This child did not ask to be born into a world with parents who can not properly care for her. She is your family now and even though it may be a huge shock and certainly won't be easy, she needs you.
That being said, I hope you're able to cope and adjust quickly to the situation. You didn't ask for this but I think it's very brave that you're handling it so well.
MrsMaryK - I didn't mean it like that. I'm really not a terrible person. I just meant that not everyone is necessarily in a situation where taking in a child would be a good idea, for anyone involved. Hell, I adore my nieces but if tomorrow I had to make the decision to take them in for an undisclosed period of time, I don't think I'd be able to. Between our financial situation after buying the house, our marital situation with Matt drinking, etc... it wouldn't be a healthy environment for a child at this point in time. Throwing a kid from one bad situation to another isn't going to help anyone.
I'm not saying that Twix's home would be a bad situation, I know they would be able to show this little girl all the love in the world! But if they, for example, can't financially provide for her then there is always the option of seeing if any other family members are in a better situation to care for the baby.
1380 board posts
I don't want the whole world.
The sun and moon and all their light.
I just want to be the only girl, you love all your life.
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Thanks for all the support ladies!
MissD--DH's father would not be a good candidate for taking care of our niece for multiple reasons, he's way too connected to my SIL and her boyfriend in a way that is not healthy. Plus he works long hours and my MIL is a flight attendant and gone half the time.
One of the thing that we'll need to ask the social worker for sure is what the ultimate goal is in the situation. Are we just a temporary band aid on the situation? What if this happens every few months? If there's a chance that our niece might not be able to return home, would it be wiser to have her not with us, since we are connected emotionally to her as well as our relatives? In that case, it might be smart to have her in a foster home that's not us, as much as that pains me to say. I'm just worried that this might be more long term than what DH's dad is willing to admit because he's trying to blow it over. I'm worried about the family fracturing over this, as his handling of his youngest daughter has been a very sensitive subject over the years that's just gotten worse. We want to be there for our niece and help my SIL, but we want to make sure we're not causing other family problems, especially since DH's dad is not thinking straight.
There are just so many unknowns in the situation, and I get stressed when I can't plan out my future, lol. I did clean out my car this evening if this does go through and I need to get a car seat! I'm also mentally making a list of everything we're going to need to do to make the house baby proof....eek!
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"And now you stand before me today, and with all my heart I say, that you are God's miracle to me." June 18th, 2011
Does it feel weird baby proofing and talking about car seats when you're not even pregnant?
That's kind of what I was wondering about your hubby's dad. It sounds like there aren't many family options for her. I can see how it might end up causing some family drama if this ends up being a permanent situation. I really hope it's not! Hopefully you'll get enough information this upcoming week to make an informed decision!
1380 board posts
I don't want the whole world.
The sun and moon and all their light.
I just want to be the only girl, you love all your life.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Oh my goodness. Prayers for you all, especially baby. What a surprise, huh? I'm so sorry that this situation is being thrust on you like this. I hope you can find the strength to do what is best for you and for your niece.
I think you will get some financial support from child services for fostering a baby.
Keep us posted as everything develops.
Wow. I must've missed this the first time you posted about it. This is so big! It's amazing the surprises we get in life.
Best of luck to you!
Oh, wow! That is huge! Lots of T&Ps that you and H are able to make the best decision for you and the baby. If you two decide to foster her, do you have any friends/family that you could borrow baby items from (extra blankets, car seat, crib, etc)?
Something I've always kept in the back of my mind when difficult situations arise; things always happen for a reason. We may not know what the reason is right now, but in the future all will be clear.
Wow, that's huge! If I was in your shoes I don't know what I would do.
It sounds like you would be giving up a lot by doing this. Also, if you were to take this baby and fall and love with it, what's going to happen when/if you have to give her back to your SIL? Bc you are family you will be really close to the situation from both sides of it. Just something to consider.
Whatever you decide...GL! I'll keep your family in T&Ps.
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