Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
newly married and got no idea how to deal with it .. advice!
So ive been married 4 months now and still couldnt get my feet on the ground in handling things between the house, work and studies! sometimes my self-esteem feels low that i couldnt get things into perfection and my energy is drained by the time im home. in the end im not in control, or energetic or feeling happy which in turn is reflecting on my husband and us.... Help?!
how can i motivate myself and kick that adrenalin up again?
Re: newly married and got no idea how to deal with it .. advice!
Thats right, I never lived alone. I was comfortable at my parents house, and had an independent life in my career and social life. Now that im responsible for keeping my house clean, let alone returning home late from work and studying, its like men expect us to still keep that energy rollin to give them the attention they deserve.
I used to go to a gym by my house on a daily basis, now its like twice a week. I hate to think im nagging and maybe spoiled ... but i really want someone to tell me that its normal and maybe it takes a while to adjust to all of this and get that smile and laughter back on again? Or is there more into it?
I don't know what "normal" but I certainly am not the only one responsible for keeping my house clean. If I was, my husband would lose his mind since he's much neater/cleaner than I am. Why do you think you're responsible for it all? If you're supposed to be keeping him happy, you best get to the gym so your house isn't messy AND you're out of shape too, right?
And this folks, is why living on your own is so important before moving from your parents to your marital house.
But you are here now, so that's not an option.
So, are you saying your husband expects you to do all the chores? Does he not do anything around the house?
Did you talk about how things would be living together? Division of responsibility is an important discussion that should have happened before but definitely should happen now.
But then I even wonder how well you knew him if his expectations of your behavior are so harsh that you are miserable this early in the marriage. I certainly have my moments with my H, but I can't think of a time when I had nothing to smile or laugh about. It's that bad?
Do you feel like you should be responsible for it all, or does he? If you are both working, you should be sharing the house stuff. Did he live on his own before getting married, or did he also go straight from mama to you?
Did you guys do any pre-marital counseling? It sounds like maybe you need to talk to someone about division of labor and appreciating each other.
If you're finding it hard to laugh and smile ever, things are seriously wrong and you need to pay attention to it now.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
I wonder if perhaps this is a cultural thing? Amoon, is it a part of your culture that the woman should do the majority of the housework? It may seem strange to some people on here that the chores aren't shared, and that you didn't live together before marriage, but maybe there's another factor in it that we're missing. Like a cultural or religious aspect of this?
Anyway, I hope that you are able to communicate to your husband that you are feeling this pressure. Hopefully the two of you can work out a way to lessen the burden that you feel. Who knows? He may even let you know about pressures that he's feeling also. The key is communication.Yes. That is all I have to contribute here.
Hilerious, you beat me to it. I also agree with your post afterwards
Mmmm ... yeah after skimming through all these posts it makes sense to me now that i better be more open and communicate it better to him. He does help around when he sees me running out of time or totally exhausted. he loves a clean organised house and so do i .. plus a healthy lifestyle like kicking it off to the gym. getting back to that world will surely get things back on track the way we were at first.
I suppose if i let him in my world a little he'd understand. We had that marital life talk and what to expect but things are easily said than done until we lived it.
Thanks for the help!