Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone finish a PhD? Did you lose your sanity?
I'm abd, been writing for about a year now, and am only pretty close to being finished with my proposal. I had a breakdown last night that where I cried for hrs about how I'm done and am going to quit. I owe so much $, have given up countless hrs of my life, and I want to start ttc. I scared dh bc he's never seen me like this. Today I went back to writing. I have fears I'll never finish, end up owing more $, and push off having a baby for nothing. Then on the other hand I have fears I'll quit, feel like a failure forever, and regret I just didn't keep on going. The anxiety if being unsure is killing me. Apparently these are normal abd feelings, but it's just terrible. I thought that attending Touro Int'l wouldn't be so hard, especially since they're online, but apparently I was mistaken. The stress of writing a dissertation is incomprehensible. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Now I'm 4 yrs in and don't want to quit, but I just don't know if I have it in me to finish...
Re: Anyone finish a PhD? Did you lose your sanity?
There will always be moments of high stress in a PhD program.
My first 2 years were the worst for me. I was in a PhD biology program. My second laboratory rotation was pure hell, and I almost flunked out of one of my cornerstone classes. I had a complete meltdown and my dad had to talk me down. He asked me what was the worst that would happen if I flunked out. I told him I'd get a job. He said, "yes, you'll get a job. You won't be homeless on the street. And maybe after a year or so you'll decide if you want to try again." I told him I was worried I'd disappoint him. He told me that I got a college degree, there was no way I would disppoint him from there on out.
It turned out to be the pep talk I needed, and I managed to get through the next few years relatively drama free.
How old are you? If you're still talking late 20s, I don't see why putting TTC off for another year is going to kill you. How much time do you think you have left?
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I'm 27. I have no idea how much time I have left. Another year? If I can get my proposal approved I suppose. It's funny you say you didn't want to disappoint your dad. That's what I worry about too. He was so proud of me. He tells everyone how his daughter is going to have a phd. I called him up last night hysterical and he told me nothing is worth me being so stressed over. I need to finish, but I'm so scared I can't. I literally went months without doing almost anything, hiding it from everyone especially dh. I am so confused about my statistics, I've forgotten so much I learned in my coursework. Im going to give it one last push and see how it goes. dh believes I can do it, but he says if I don't want to he's also supportive. I want to have a babies and stay home for a couple of years, I don't know wtf I was thinking getting myself into such a mess in the first place. I teach Kindergarten. The degree was to give me my 30 above and allow me to go into k-12 administration. People told me to go the EdD route, but I had to be ridiculous and wanted to have a PhD. I always liked research in the past, I really didn't understand what a dissertation meant. Now I understand why there are so many abds out there.
Did you finish? How long did it take you? Do you work in your field? I hear the hard sciences are intense!
I did finish. The whole program was 5.5 years, but I pushed through it. I ended up doing a postdoctoral fellowship, then went an "alternative route" as a medical/technical writer. All the jobs I've had since required an advanced degree, so IMO it's worth it. I'm now a SAHM and freelance writer.
IMO it would be worth it for you to buckle down and get it done. It will make the loans worth it, and you can advance in your career until you have kids. At 27 you have plenty of time to push through the next year or so, then move on to the next phase of your life.
GL
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I'm hoping to graduate in May. Yes, I have lost my sanity. Along with my dignity and sobriety. Fortunately, I've mostly regained all three.
My third year was the worst. Truly horrible. Now, though, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm stressed about getting everything finished, but I'm comfortable with where I am and what I've done. In fact, now I'm starting to get sad about having to leave. I have a pretty good routine going now.
I follow the advice of Winston Churchill: If you're going through hell, keep going.
Thanks Ladies, I just needed to vent and get it out there about how I feel. Not exactly the kInd of feelings to bring up over Sunday lunch with the fam lol.
Im glad to hear you've done it! I'm going to keep on truckin and see where it gets me.
From the other side of the coin...
I was in a biology PhD program and left after 2 years with my MS. My thesis advisor was BSC. The environment in lab was toxic to the extent that thinking about having to go in to lab and see her made me physically ill. She was verbally abusive toward me and destroyed my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. I would not have made it through 4-5 more years in that environment with my sanity intact. When she complained to higher-ups that I wasn't working hard enough (I was putting in 50 hours a week physically in lab, plus reading at home), they took her side before listening to my side of the story, and it was "strongly recommended" (hint hint, nudge nudge) that I leave with my MS. And I did. But, I'm not proud of my MS. I see it as a failure, rather than an accomplishment. I may go back some day (to a different lab, obviously) to finish my PhD, but for now, I have a good job that I enjoy doing and that pays well.
I never drank as much during my life as while I was writing my dissertation---except when I was on the academic job market.
You can do it--just keep putting one foot in front of the other!
I'm in the first year of my program. I have heard similar stories, and I have heard "easier" stories!
I was back and forth too about EdD or PhD, and I chose EdD because of having to complete less stat courses....or so I thought!
I changed schools due relocation and the new school's EdD requires 15 hrs of stats! As the pp stated in the going through hell comment, I am considering taking a 6th stat course to have a graduate certificate in qualitative stats. I share to help ease your mind that you chose the wrong track. You could have easily had to take the same amount of stats
Best of luck to you! I wish you well!
I'm also working towards PhD in biology...have been at it for about 6.5 years now and am about a month away from finishing. I can honestly say this rollercoaster I've been on is the hardest thing I've ever done. I went through those periods of "I'm just going to quit, get a job, and have babies" too, once at 3.5 years when working on my qualifying exam, and once about a year ago after a thesis committee meeting where I felt I had made no progress (due to issues with my model system- cell culture) and broke down in ugly tears for hours.
The toll a PhD can take on your life is a big one, affecting your relationships, mental health, etc. But I'm a firm believer in the saying "Anything worth having is worth waiting (working) for." Luckily, I have had a very supportive advisor who helped me through those less-than-productive, impossible-to-stay-enthusiastic times and an even more supportive and patient husband lol
I'm in the throws of writing now. I have a postdoctoral position lined up that I am "supposed" to start at on Feb 24th. Which gives me about 2.5 more weeks to write 2 more chapters before submitting to my committee and preparing to defend. Needless to say, I am a stressed out, sleep deprived zombie right now. I just keep reminding myself of where I was a year ago, after that committee meeting, and realizing I have made progress and will finish - somehow lol
You will get there...somehow, the road to getting there just might not be what you anticipated. At least that's my take on it.
Good luck and hang in there.
Hang in there--I finished my doctoral program in 5 years + a 2 year postdoc. I started a postdoc master's program (because I must be crazy), and that is just not in the cards for me right now.
While grad school certainly sucks up your life, remember that you've worked hard to get through the past few years. And for me, it's all been worth it (momentary lapses of sanity included).