Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Seriously? What is wrong with me?
Why can't I date? I have no desire. I get asked out and I don't say no but I don't say yes either. I usually say that I am so busy and will try to find time. That is somewhat true and I don't really want to give up "me" time to go out with a guy I don't really know. I find it to be a waste of time that I could be doing something else.
I really think that it is because I have been single again for so long that it really doesn't bother me.
No real point to this post. Just putting it out there.
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Re: Seriously? What is wrong with me?
Is it possible that you have "fear" subconsciously and therefore self-sabotage any hopes or desires for yourself?
It seems like there is a negative mindset via the way you words your thoughts. It is almost like you convinced yourself it is okay to not have what you want which seems to be implied in your message.
There is nothing wrong with not dating if you're happy without it. There are a lot of good parts about being single: spending your $ how you want, having the whole bed to yourself, not having to worry about what someone else is thinking/feeling/wanting.
But if you feel weird about it I wonder if this is a form of self protection. As in, you don't date because you don't want to put in the effort, possibly get invested in someone, and have it not work out.
All of this. And I have gathered from previous posts that you acknowledge, on some levels that you are putting up a wall to protect yourself.
I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I wasn't hurt with my divorce. I was the one who left. There was not abuse or cheating or drugs...we just didn't get along. He didn't hurt me.
I just don't care. I feel better that you all say it's OK that I don't want to date. I don't want any more children, or to get remarried again, but part of me thinks that I should want to get out there and meet some new people.
Well, there's a fundamental flaw in your thinking. Do things you enjoy; meet people who enjoy those things too, while you're engaged in doing stuff you really, really like. You'll like some of those people, as friends. You MAY find, with those friends, that there is someone you are actually interested in as more than a friend. Lovely if it happens. Lovely if it doesn't, too, because you've spent all this time enjoying yourself with nice people, regardless. Or, if you cannot think of anything to do to enjoy yourself, do something like volunteer for a cause you believe in/think is valuable. You'll meet other people who share that value with you. You might like them, and decide to become friends with them. And, in that group of like minded friends, you might see someone worth dating.
Standing around staring at strangers thinking "Well he looks ok. I should date him" is not conducive to finding someone real for your intimate life.
That's the strident media "couple up!" brainwashing talking.
I like this!
I completely agree with this!
Although I do see myself eventually meeting someone and possibly getting married again, I HATE that you are looked at as odd if you decide to remain single and have no interest in pursuing a relationship. Now that I'll be 30 this year I've been asked often when I'm going to have kids. I usually follow these comments up with "I have to find a decent man first" or nicely telling them that I'm enjoying spoiling myself and not having to worry about anyone else.