International Nesties
dulcemariamar1
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Do you agree with this?
I saw this on TIP. One poster wants a second kid but their DH isnt sold on the idea. Someone postes this. Do you agree with the neighbor?
Also... the day we brought home our first, our neighbor came over to say hello and he told us that he had one child. He then said that he wished that they would have had another. He said that you are never sorry for ones you have, but you are sorry for the ones you don't have.
Re: Do you agree with this?
Well...I don't have any children, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. No, I don't agree with it, at all, actually. Children need so many things from their parents: time, money, patience, etc. And, I belive, that these are all finite things. At some point...they run out. Everyone's actual "run out" point is different, of course...so some people could have 12 kids and be happy as clams. Others could probably handle two, and no more.
The last thing I want to do is have a bunch of kids because I bought into the "I'll never regret it" reasoning, and then wind up resenting them later on because we really didn't have the resources to properly raise all of them. (And by resources, I don't just mean money...back to the time, patience, etc.)
I totally agree with onesly. Ok, I don't have any kids (yet) but IMO it's definitely not a case of the more the merrier! It does make a big difference to have two instead of one and it's not necessarily something anyone can live with happily.
I also strongly believe both parents have to actively want it for things to have a chance of working out well.
Not to mention how creepy it is to bring this up upon first meeting. Oversharer, much?
Though I can't comment on the actual content. I go back and forth daily about if I want kids. I'm 29 and if I decide I want kids I'll be closer to 35 than 30 before that decision is made/acted upon.
DBF asked me the other day "Do you think there's a 90% chance we'll have kids?" I couldn't even answer that with a yes.
I don't agree with that. I do agree that it was very rude for this man to meddle in her reproductive business - whether it's their first time meeting or their 100th time - it's not his place to say anything!
In the past year or so I've gotten a lot of comments about having a second child. Other moms at M's school have told me that a family isn't complete unless there is more that one child -
.
I must have been in a bad mood the last time someone told me that I have to give a sibling to M, because I told them that I would have an abortion if I got pregnant right now. (I probably really wouldn't) but that definitely shut her up!
No, that is not true. You can totally regret it either way. Heck....I love minibini more than life itself, I would do anything for him, but there are days I wish we waited a few more years before having a baby. It's not that I regret having him but I do regret the bad timing of it. Then there are days I want another one right away, but I know for a fact I'd regret the hell out of that (timing wise I mean, we want more kids eventually).
I know! Surprisingly I've had two mothers at M's school tell me that and one semi-close friend all within the last 2 months or so. It's weird. I've also heard that I'm selfish for not wanting another one. People are brutal and inconsiderate when discussing matters that don't concern them one bit.
My MIL once told me, with one of her infamous "I know it's none of my business, BUT..." prefaces, that she would be very disappointed if we only had one child. We want 3-4, but there was no way I was telling her that after she made such a comment. She said worse things about our future lives with/without children, though.
Thankfully, the Germans seem to be pretty good about keeping their opinions to themselves, although I have had two of my doctors (not OBs) tell me that they think having an only child is doing the child no favors for when they grow up. But that was after I had been talking to them about medical aspects of future pregnancies, so they knew I wanted more and were encouraging my choice. Still. Slightly inappropriate since those were not medical opinions.
I would flip my shiiitt if someone said that to me. The freaking gall!
I would welcome that person to carry, birth and support future children for me, since they are so concerned about it. Do you think they'd take me up on that offer?
People with this attitude shock and horrify me. What if you needed an emergency hysterectomy with your first pregnancy? Would you be ZOMG damaging your child so much by not having more children then?
I just hope I can retain my piss and vinegar beliefs and snarky comebacks if/when this ridiculous shiiiittt is ever said to me.
A friend I know has a disease that makes pregnancy that much more painful for her. She is currently weeks away from having the baby and every time she posts anything pregnancy related on FB her FIL is the first to comment that she better be ready to have the second one soon, too. She handles it better than I would.
I don't think it's anyone's business and I don't agree with the statement. It might be true for some people, but it's not true for everyone.
I think I'd kill someone if they told me it was selfish to only have one child...how about selfish to have two if you don't want two or can't afford two?!!! My DH is an only child and he's very happy and well-adjusted...f-the women who said anything so rude.
I've had the "you should get moving on it" statements in the past...I tended to say, thanks, and ignored...if someone said it now, I think I'd shove my infertifility up their ARS?! (yes, I'm in a bad mood right now & having issues...sorry)
Yeah, I'm totally voting with Team Overshare. That said, I'd guess the guy is the type who gets his info/credos from bumper stickers. To the extent he meant to say you deal the hand you've been dealt (ie once you have a kid, your unconditional love makes the overall decision-- ups & downs--worth it); I think I'd agree (we don't have kids so I can't say with authority).
I'm 35 and I still go back and forth and have some med drama, so I'm guessing kids probably aren't in our future; however, if we did *magically* end up with a child, I'm sure we would love the child and not "regret" the kid. Although I would for sure miss the booze, disposable income, and free time. Think they make bumper stickers for that?!
Whoa!
Regarding the OP, no I don't agree that that would be true for everyone, but I do believe if you want more children choosing not to have them (or being unable to) could turn into a regret. Sounds like he wanted more kids, but for whatever reason they chose or were unable to have more and he regrets it. I don't think it's fair for him to make that assumption for everyone, but I don't find it that rude either for him to say it IF they are close. It doesn't sound like they are close, but I'd still chalk it up to him being introspective about his own life choices rather than judging hers...if that makes sense.
As for the people flat-out saying a family isn't complete without more than one child I'd give them a pounding! That's definitely not cool to go around spouting that. I personally feel our family won't be complete without more children in the future, but it's none of my business whether or not other families feel the same way and I'd never judge people for not wanting a brood of children or people for not wanting any children at all.
I don't agree with that at all. I think you can have regret both ways. I have two children - both adult now. My son was born first. My husband and I at the time decided to have a 2nd child because we felt family was really important and if anything ever happened to one or both of us we wanted him to still have someone.
That kind of didn't work at all. My son hates his sister for no good reason other than normal kid stuff that was done when they were kids. He doesn't believe in the concept of family. He's 29, bitter, judgmental and not a very nice person.
I am very thankful for the family that I have. I didn't get married until I was almost 35, then suffered through infertility. LO is an IVF baby born a month before I turned 38. My pregnancy, in retrospect was bad. LO was 13 days past due. I'd had borderline high blood pressure my entire pregnancy and ended up with severe preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. Neither of us were in good shape, so he was delivered by emergency c-section. Because he was nearly two weeks late, LO had meconium in his throat and ended up in the NICU for 12 hours as a precaution to watch for signs of infection. After surgery, I went back to L&D for 40 hours because I had to be on a magnesium sulfate drip to keep me from having siezures. When we were discharged, after three and a half days, postpartum depression hit me like a Mack truck going 80mph. If my parents had not been there to take care of me and LO, I would have ended up back in the hospital. (Did I mention that DH was deployed? Yup.). Please tell me, WHY would I do this again? My OB was relieved to hear that DH and I were considering being one and done. I got my tubes tied a year ago.
Sure, in a perfect world, I envisioned having two children. But, my world is far from perfect. I am thankful for my darling little boy, and I want to be around to raise him. Fortunately, nobody, besides busy bodies at the grocery store, have told me that I will regret not having a second, or that LO needs a sibling. But, if/when they do, I have to remind myself to smile and nod. I do not have to justify/explain our choices. It is between me and my DH. Our decision, though, has the backing of my OB and our families. As DH and I met and married later in life, we are thankful for what we DO have.
::stepping off soapbox:: As you can see, this topic hits close to home for me. There is so much going on in people's lives that one can never imagine. While I have not watch their show, I applaud how Guiliana and Bill Rancic have been so open with their struggles. They provide a glimpse into what people deal with.
I LITERALLY lol'd when I read this, so I imagine it was hard to hold in your shock during the service!
It's rude to assume you know what's best for ANYONE's family. And frankly people who make blanket statements about almost ANYTHING are usually given an internal side-eye by me...'x is how it HAS to be!' 'You aren't living if you haven't done x!' 'x y and z are what's right/fair!' MORON.
I'm not sure what this says about me, but I have generally feel like I am totally winging it through life and there is no way I know what our 'perfect' family would look like! Good grief people. I'm with wiserita, sounds like an oversharer.
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