How to handle "friends" after you break the divorce news?

imdonel8r · January 2012

Our divorce has been a long process and we finally broke the news to everyone a few weeks ago. Now not 3 hours go by without getting a text, Facebook message, Facebook comment , phone call or a "stop by" from someone. Then I feel like I am playing 20 questions all day long from people no matter how many times you "shut them down" . I mean I know most of the people are just being concerned friends but geez when does this stop? The divorce is basically mutual and I just want it to be over. It will be final next month.

So I guess my questions are: Has anyone dealt with this ? How "bad" did it get? What did you tell them to make them stop?

Thanks in advance.

Liubot · January 2012

I'm sure my experience wasn't the norm, but I lost a lot of friends due to my divorce. People would ask, and I'd tell them, but most of the time they would tiptoe around the issue and then go into avoidance mode. My true friends are there, but few and far between. I don't think I had many true friends to begin with.

The only thing I'm noticing is where I lost many friends, I gained a lot of closeness with my family again. I'm happy about that.

Good luck.

achase123 · January 2012

It's no one's business and you don't have to sit there deflecting questions and explaining what happened in great detail, over and over, if you don't want to. Obviously it's still fresh (and therefore painful) so I would convey that to people. Hopefully that will shut them up.

EastCoastBride · January 2012

Be honest. "I really appreciate that you're concerned and want to be here - and I KNOW you are here. I just really dont' want to talk about the divorce all the time. Trust me - if I need to talk, I'll let you know. But otherwise, I would really like to focus on other stuff. Thanks for understanding.".

LookingUp · January 2012

When I feel the need to tell someone that I'm getting a divorce, I just don't give too much information. All you really have to say is something like, "It just didn't work out between us." If a person presses beyond that, just tell them you would rather not go into detail and that you're doing what's best for you.

dm78 · January 2012

I was a little jealous over your post. My friends didn't know what to say, so they never brought it up. I would have liked a little lovin from my friends.

DorisWE · January 2012

I had a rule with my friends when things were bad and I just couldn't talk about what was going on. They were only allowed to tell me that I looked fat or looked like sh!t, that was it. They weren't allowed to ask how I was or how things were going at home. While I know this sounds screwed up, it really helped me laugh at things a little and avoid talking about things until I was ready to talk. They were always there for me when I needed them, but they also understood there would be times I couldn't share and that's okay.

NinjaPaants · January 2012

My close friends were in the loop. Other friends, acquaintances, coworkers that would be nosy and inquire got the, "It is emotionally draining to retell the story over and over again. I really just want to focus on moving forward", speech. People seemed to respect that.