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SpouseBuzz drama: Involve the CC?
http://spousebuzz.com/blog/2012/01/threes-a-crowd-do-i-involve-the-commander.html
"I?ve been battling with this situation for about 3 weeks now, and have decided it?s time to reach out. My husband is in the Army reserves and for the most part I don?t pay much attention to it. It?s hard to actually be involved with a rear detachment unit. There just isn?t much going on. But, recently I?ve noticed my husband has been talking about a female soldier more and more. I?m not a jealous person and I understand the need for communication. I?ve been wondering why after four years in the same unit together she?s now a topic. This summer she had some situations during drills that caused her to reach out to my husband for help. No big deal. Since then, she is consistantly Facebook messaging him. Harmless stuff really. The last message (my husband and I give each other full access to each other?s social accounts) I read a message where she gave him her number and asked him to call her for a favor she needed. Which ended up being putting her dog down. She lives an hour and a half from us, there are other soldiers in the unit that live in the same town and who asks someone to do that?
I?m beginning to think she got the wrong impression by him helping her. So, I messaged and asked her to stop messaging him. After a few civil messages, she got hateful and snotty. Now, my problem is: messages are for privacy, I understand messaging a phone number, but as far as the rest it should be wall to wall. Or, even text or call him. I?m am debating on contacting the commander for her disrespect of my request. My husband did nothing wrong and didn?t reply to her messages. But, I don?t want him in trouble because he was on the receiving end. But, I do feel like she needs some assistance with respect of a fellow soldiers wife. I was very civil in my request. How should I address this situation? My husband doesn?t want to be involved."
Re: SpouseBuzz drama: Involve the CC?
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Because talking to the woman and then then commander rather than her husband is the appropriate way to address the situation. Because, you know, her husband didn't have anything at all do do with this whole thing.
What goes through peoples' heads?
I'm pretty annoyed that wifey took it upon herself to step in. From what she tells us, she's not worried about infidelity, why get involved if its harmless? My H has a few younger single women in his shop and if he can help them out, he absolutely will go out of his way. I guess I don't get why this was even an issue. Maybe the female soldier thought since she could depend on him once, he'd help her out again. If he had a problem with this arrangement, HE needed to set the boundary.
It think its absurd for her to even think of involving the CO.
My response:
It needs to be dealt with privately, not through the commander. A commander can't make a man be a good husband.
And to the people (not here) who suggested the wife defriend and block the female from the husband's FB:
I would love to be a fly on that wall if she goes to the CC! It sounds like the womens H made a friend in the girl at the unit. It sounded like she was having a hard time and her H was there to help.
Also maybe she did not feel comfy calling anyone else to help put her dog down. I can not believe how people look to far into things.
that must feel yucky....I have a feeling there is more to that than she is offering up. I mean, my husband and I have full access to each others accounts and what not. I know a lot of couples that do, but that does not mean we feel the need to check up on each other. I have a feeling that she may really not normally be jealous, but maybe something doesn't feel right. I totally agree Ojo, this is a respect issue in thier marriage that should be addressed before any possible anger or bitterness may have the chance to set in like a stain on thier relationship
This chick pisses me off right off the bat. I was the ONLY female in my entire company for over a year. I can not tell you how many times guys caught crap because of me. I've had crappy messages sent to me because one chick was uncomfortable with her husband spending hours in a truck with me or having to pull a 180 so I could go pee in the woods (that came from command since I was the only female). I don't know about the situations involved with this chick's husband and the other female. However, I know spent a lot of time in cramped quarters with my guys. They came to me when they had issues with their wives/SOs/GFs because they not only valued my opinions and respected me but because they wanted my POV. We talked about things we don't talk to just anyone about. When my buddy was waiting for his mom to die, he reached out to me for word of wisdom and for a shoulder to cry on because he felt like he had to be strong for everyone else. When my grandma was in the hospital and dying, I reached out to him because he had just been through all of it with his mom.
As SMs, we build bonds with the people we serve with. We have to. When my H was shot, I didn't get to deploy with my guys. It killed me. I wasn't there for them when I should have been. I kept an open communication with them as often as I could, but it wasn't the same. It is my biggest regret in life. I'm glad I could be here for J, but, in a way, I feel like I failed my guys.
I've heard so many of the wives in J's unit say they are glad there are no women with them. I crawl their butts every time. There are just as many crappy men as there are women. If your H is going to cheat on you, he'll find a way if there are females in his unit or not. Your marital issues aren't my issues. She should have talked to her H first.
And this goes back to the woman talking to her husband about boundaries if she's uncomfortable, and then her husband setting boundaries with the other woman. There is absolutely no reason for her to be talking to the commander about this.
I totally agree with you.
It was just a thought I had.
aaaaand KC FTW.
How the F are you going to go to the command when you haven't spoken to your H... pathetic.