June 2008 Weddings
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Ugh. Marital Problems
Nothing juicy. We're just in a slump and it sucks. I haven't felt like having sex at all, so I know that's not helping the situation. I feel like I'm living with a roommate and not a husband. Makes me sad. Just need to vent. I know this to shall pass, but it still sucks.
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
Re: Ugh. Marital Problems
Sorry. You're right, it will pass, but its hard and very frustrating in the meantime.
Do you think you're just pregnant-with-a-toddler exhausted and that's whats causing it? Or is it a different combination?
I think the pregnant-with-a-toddler is part of it. And, the sex thing is an issue. Truth be told, sex has not been my favorite thing to do in the last two years. I just wish I coulld get a sex drive.
It just seems like everything is so mechanical. Ugh. We need some spice in the bedroom and our lives.
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
I can totally understand that. Actually, about a year and a half ago I got a streak of really wanting to have sex and, since then, I've been totally "meh"about it. I feel bad because my DH feels so rejected at times, I know its hard for him NOT to take it personally.
If you figure out a way to spice things up, please, let me know!!
.
Aspen Marley ~ 12.22.11
My Blog of Randomness - Pocketful of Roses
The same thing is going on here. We go through periods of it often, more often than we'd like. I know in our situation, the kids, our crazy shift work schedules, and the absent sex drive on my part are the main causes. It will pass, but it definitely does suck. DH and I always joke about needing a couples retreat.
It really hurts DH's feelings when I tell him that I feel like we live as friends/roomates rather than husband/wife, but it's so true. We usually sit down together when we're in a slump and let each other know what the other person can do to try and make it better or help. I hope this passes quickly for you! Hang in there Jenn!
My boring blog
It's so easy to get sucked into this routine, and like you said, you and your spouse turn into roommates more or less.
I think as women we often take the blame and most of the need/desire to figure out how to fix the problem, we're emotional creatures.
We're also in roommate mode. A big part is some stress/issues we've been dealing with for a while as a couple, but there is also the tired parents, pregnant, new baby issues that have been a part of things since Alex was born. I lost all sex drive when pregnant with Cori, but wasn't really into it before then either. Our sex life consisted of me saying "If you want it, be quick, I'm tired". Oh yeah, H felt really great with that. Now we have both girls and neither sleep through the night, or in any regular timeframe other than they'll both be awake by 6AM at the latest.
I hope you find something to kick start things. We tried the getting away for a weekend thing, but even that didn't work. When H told me he was surprising me with a weekend away (at 20w pregnant with Cori), all I could think of was, "great, now I have no excuse to not have sex". I'm not sure how to get that want back.
My Blog Picture A Day Blog
Ugh, I know the feeling. Pregnant sex is just about the least sexy thing I can think of... DH feels the same way, so we have to find different ways to stay connected. Sometimes it's hard and we forget and before we know it, we're like roommates that share a bed.
I am sure you guys will get out of this funk soon. It's not abnormal; all relationships wax and wane from time to time, especially with major life events like pregnancy and parenting thrown in the mix. I hope things start looking up really soon.
Thing is I find the longer you go w/o sex the easier it is to not have it. The more I have it, the more I want to have it.
So, while things get 'mechanical', to use your term Jenn, from time to time, I just go with it. I think it's normal for married couples to have 'routine' sex sometimes. Sometimes it's a lot of the time. I think married couples are often just in a different place in their lives (kids, etc) and relationships (married, been together a while) that it just happens. I like to think the routines stuff makes the times it's exciting even better.
Moral of the story, just do it. Have the sex, if you can, even if it's routine. Once you get into it, you'll get into it and you'll work through the routine stuff and then one day it'll be great again...and then routine again, and so on.
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki