Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just got back from mediation
We had mediation to discuss visitation. Specifically XH getting more time. It was definitely emotional but we reached an agreement. XH will have two visits/week-unsupervised. So his Tuesday visit will be 5:30-8pm (when P goes to sleep) and he will have a four hour Sunday visit. Then in JUne, if the unsupervised visits go well, he will have an every Sunday visit from 8am-5pm. If we go out of town we'll make up for the time during the week (like two-midday visits during the week).
I'm ok with it but definitely nervous about the idea of XH driving with P. He JUST got his license back yesterday. He has been doing well and has been clean for almost one year exactly. I still get extremely nervous though when I think of his track record. I just have to hope that he'll continue on the right path and do the right thing.
I started sobbing during mediation because I'm just so nervous about it all. Such a big part of me wants him to do the right thing and be the father that P deserves/needs but I still worry about the past. I guess only time will tell what the future holds.
Re: Just got back from mediation
I would feel nervous like you. It is quite a change for the "family" dynamic and it impacts everyone involved.
From what I can tell, you are an excellent mother who wants the best for your son and it really shows. Good work momma!
I do hope the eh steps up to the plate for your son's sake.
I know he is an a$$, but I'm going to play the optomist here. One year is his longest stint sober, right? So that's good. Him spending time with P so P knows his dad is good (so long as the sober living continues). You get 8 hours of time to yourself each week! You work hard, you are a great mom, but you do need time to you ... not time when you have to worry about a babysitter or anything like that. Just YOUR time. At first that will be hard. I spent my first few nights while B with with his dad in tears because I didn't know what to do with myself. Now I love my me time! I love my son, but I love my me time!
Stay strong.
Oh I know I will enjoy the time, especially since I'm studying again-I will need it! I just need to do my best to remember how he is NOW versus how he WAS. Sometimes it's hard to separate. He is stepping up more than I ever thought he would so I do have to give him credit for that.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I get this. My situation, as you know, was different. But it was hard for a long time for me to separate the lying ass who yelled at me like a child when he didn't get his way from the father he is to B. He is very attentive to B when they are together. B enjoys their time together. He doesn't know the side of his dad that I know, and I hope he never has to know that side of him. But as time passes, I realized that he isn't going to doing anything to mess up his relationship with his child at this point. And if SD is going through all these motions to spend a few hours a week with P, I am guessing he doesn't want to lose this chance to be a father to his son again.
Yes, I forgot to add that part. The visitation is still contingent upon him having clean tests.
I am thankful that you posted this today of all days. I understand you being nervous about the new and unknown - I spoke with my counsler about the future years of "the unknown" at length today. But I also know the team and knowledge I have gives me a great amount of strength and power - it sounds as if you have the same on your side as well.
I understand your being nervous about everything with the past, and how it is hard to just wait and see what the future holds. ((hugs)) to you and thanks again for sharing all you do!
He didn't pay the back support in full but he's made some sort of payment towards it, which apparently was enough. The payments came when they seized his bank account and because he pays $5 over what he's supposed to each month. So I guess this was enough.